Husband & lapdance

No they REALLY aren't touching, the man can be touched through his clothes but will be ejected quickly if he gets handsy. I used to work as security manyany years ago in a lapdancing club- the club's would be closed very quickly by the council if there is a merest hint of any of the girls having sex, it doesn't happen. Very few of the girls are actually escorts either, very few indeed(frankly they earn enough money not to need to!).

Op only you can decide whether you can live with this, I suspect most men would feel like they havent betrayed their partners, if they can justify going to a strip club in the first place.

What exactly are these cards? Are the like a receipt or a voucher to get a dance? The way you word it "Card for a private dance" makes me think the latter, and I wouldn't have thought dancers give receipts? (maybe showing my naivety!)

If it is a card to get a dance and they're still in his pocket doesn't that show he didn't use them?

Going into the strip club at all isn't great, but if he had a vouchers for free dances and didn't use them I couldn't be too upset

Well it definitely crosses my red line for a relationship, but you have to define what’s acceptable in yours.

This is so funny.

For a start I'm not sure you know what "woke" means 🤣

But also, has it occured to you that women who have higher standards than you do for men's behaviour are not divorced, just...married to better men? I think what is "anti man" is to hold the belief that this is typical male behaviour and should be tolerated because boys will be boys. So, so many men are better than you seem to believe men are capable of being.

🙄🙄🙄🙄🙄

The amount of sex within a marriage is completely unconnected to the choice to cheat, to use sex workers, to spend family money on naked (possibly trafficked) women who grind on a bloke's groin for five minutes, or any other disgusting behaviour. Those things are choices. Plenty of men who are single and not having any sex in a relationship at all manage not to exploit vulnerable women or use their bodies as commodities to be bought.

FFS my husband went without sex for over 18 months at one point during our marriage and managed to remain the same dedicated, loyal, loving, affectionate man he has always been. Stop excusing shit behaviour by weak, selfish men by trying to blame their wives.

Op's sex life has fuck all to do with this 🙄

And its cute that people think private dances are strictly no touching 🥹 of course they are <head pat>

What would you do if he popped to the neighbours and let her smear her vulva all over his face if he paid her £50?

I would be really hurt OP I’m sorry.

He can't remember lol - alcohol doesn't make you forget. He should man up and Fess up. I wouldn't kick him out over that though, bloody hell the woke anti man brigade is out already, no wonder half the women on MN are divorced.

Hmmm, not sure why you think this, but it's not strictly true across the board at all.

Massive over reaction.

Exploring all options...

Yes, he could be 'one of those guys', and those guys never really change...

...but I have to ask, what is your sex life like at home?

@SlippyDip agree with you.
I just laughed at my husband when he did this. I did remind him about trafficking etc.
my friend (previously worked for Barclays) was a dancer at Stringfellows and spearmint rhino. She made a lot of money which enabled her to buy a house - and met her husband there!

Has he done it before? Sounds like a stupid drunk night

The fact that he wouldn’t tell you if he’d be home is more concerning than the lap dance in my opinion.

I've worked in a strip club and you couldn't be more wrong.

If he's an absolute legend and this is a huge lapse of judgement, I'd possibly move on. Doesn't sound like it though - out until seven, blackout drunk apparently, defensive and rude. He's sounds incredibly immature and the relationship sounds unhealthy. I'm sorry OP x

I'd be cross about the money (and feel very sorry for the poor woman who had to degrade herself for it) but I really don't think it's a LTB situation.

Exactly.

8 minutes of seeing someone semi naked

I'm no expert but I would think £50 would normally get you a dance with someone who takes it all off. Happy to be corrected!

A private dance is literally a semi-open room

Not always. There are sometimes booths with curtains. Entire private rooms if you pay enough.

I'd be fuming about the whole thing. He blew £100 of family money is the first thing.

Going to strip clubs is as bad as paying sex workers imo. It's a man with a mentality that women's bodies can be bought. And that's without the cheating. Awful.

I would be apoplectic if DH had a lap dance. I find it really gross and desperate for a man to choose to do that, disrespectful to me, and possibly exploiting someone who is being forced into that job (although appreciate that is not always the case).

Yeah, that's not nice.

As a previous poster said, it would put me off him big time

I started being grossed out by the lap dances and am now horrified by the price! What a waste of money. I would be very, very angry

It's too hard to say what I'd do in your shoes because our circumstances could be so different.
I've been married for 25 years to a man who's been a wonderful husband and father and never really put a foot wrong. I'd be devastated if he did this. Heartbroken. But I doubt I'd divorce him over it, given the husband he's been up to that moment. So, it would depend on how remorseful he was and on my ability to forgive and forget.
So, what kind of husband is your DH apart from this, how deep into your marriage you are and if you can forgive him, are all important factors. If you've not been together that long and he hasn't proved himself to be a devoted and trustworthy husband up until now, it would be hard to forgive.