Husband & lapdance

Nice bit of ageism there. Lovely.

This doesn't sound like a healthy marriage OP.

The fact that he couldn't even tell you if he was coming home? The fact you felt the need to check his pockets and read the receipts? The fact he had no problem spending family money on something selfish and controversial? The fact that he claims he can't remember AND the fact you don't believe him?

This all sounds bad enough without taking into consideration your views on strip clubs and lap dances.

No, my sweet old lady. We usually go to these establishments together.

The assumption that all dancers are trafficked is based on your own preconceptions, not reality. Your views on objectification are very second wave, which is your right, but I find it depressing that so many of you simply cannot countenance that other women have the right to think and feel differently. They are automatically ‘cool wives’. It’s very rigid thinking.

I'm still allowed to find the cool wives who "don't care" about the objectification of women and potential human trafficking of young women immensely depressing .

Sorry OP, I'd be totally grossed out too.

I'd also definitely want to know what he was doing that kept him out until 7am - and wouldn't accept 'I was too drunk to remember' as an answer.

I would go as far as to say he enjoyed it so much he went back for another go. I'm a woman and I have had a private dance. It was fun but then I am not a man am I? You have to ask yourself why men do these things and would not tell their wives/girlfriends ? I suppose it depends on the type of person you are and where your boundaries start and end, as to how you deal with this.
I would let it go, but then that's me.
You also have to remember that alcohol has played a big part in his behaviour/memory/slipping of standards......

And some women genuinely don’t care about this sort of thing. Your value system isn’t universal.

Yes potential trafficking is hilarious 🙄

Laughable how some blokes think they get away with this bullshit 🙄 and sad that some women believe them. Obviously fine if that helps get them over it but it's a bit off to declare it as a fact when even my dog probably knows the no touching rule is absolutely not a thing in all these places.

If the cards are in his pocket does this mean they’ve not been used? Wouldn’t you have to hand them in if you got a dance?

Can he get a refund 😂

Was this a work Xmas party? The fact he had those vouchers in his pocket doesn't prove much other than the fact he didn't use them. If he'd have used them, they'd have taken them off him. I wouldn't be surprised if his company just gave all the blokes a couple of vouchers. The place I used to work for did this when there was a trip to a brothel strip club in Ibiza on a work event (no, really, a "work" event in Ibiza), in the hotel the next day the one who still had the token things in his pocket got mocked by most of the other men and quietly, very slightly approved by the women.

Oh sweet summer child. Did your husband tell you that?

This thread is so depressing, some women's bars for male behaviour are tragically low.

So they were receipts, not just advertising cards?

If so I'd be fuming one because he'd actually done such a thing and two that he thinks it's fine your feelings don't matter enough to even have a conversation with you about why he'd done it.

Gross. I wouldn't want to be with a man who behaved like this. I'm sorry that you are in this position, OP.

Absolutely incorrect 😂 (ex lapdancer here).

Just doing my bingo card, have we had "prudes", "boys will be boys", "empowering" and "did you tell him touching another womans breasts is a boundary" yet?

It's grim, I'd look at all his bank statements and see if he bought the cards, if he has the cards they haven't been used. It's grim but (having never been in one of the clubs) I think no touching etc if your relationship isn't great it may be the straw that breaks the camels back, if it's pretty good I'd try and work through it.

I'd be pissed off about the money. a bit icked and would have a conversation about exploitation but that would be it.

I knew a work colleague who had a secret lap dance. He admitted that he had been allowed to put his face in the dancer's breasts and touch.

So I think it's naive to think it's as minimal as some posters say.

I agree with another poster that in the mainstream ones (in my city at least), it literally is just a semi-private dance, and not fully naked, absolutely no touching. I worked in the bar of two while studying at uni and security was very very strict, the girls who danced always used to say they couldn’t believe there was so many people willing to spend up to £100 for a “private dance” which was literally just them dancing around in their underwear for half an hour!

BUT that aside, if he was too drunk to remember anything then he doesn’t know what he’s done and the fact he didn’t come home until 7am would bother me far more because frankly where on earth has he been until that time

I would end this relationship tbh. We are monogamous and so it's not ok to get lap dances off other women unless we've talked about it and agreed, which we haven't because I wouldn't agree.

You can't trust him because he won't even be honest about his behaviour which is the real deal breaker for me.
I would be gone.

Searching through someone’s pockets is OK, though?

After I caught my ex cheating he broke down and confessed to many many lap dances. He said they absolutely do more than just a lap dance. Some clubs turn a blind eye to the girls who want to earn more money. Many insist that as long as they make arrangements with the customer for ‘after work services’ it’s not breaking the rules, but they are facilitating it.

I’d put himout. He’s married he doesn’t get to have sexual kicks elsewhere .
Then let’s talk about “he doesn’t know if he will be home” why would he not return home?
This man is not to be trusted .
No respect for you either