Husband & lapdance

The lap dance isn't the issue here it's the coming home at 7am and hiding things from you.
Some men go to lap dancing clubs. That wouldn't bother me on its own. If you've seen one pair of boobs you've seen them all IMO.
Paying £100 for it is a grim waste of money though.
It was a Christmas do so hopefully a one off/rare occurrence.

It seems weird there were 2 cards for a private dance with a price. Is it advert, a 'credit'? Surely these places are discreet and he wouldv'e just paid on his card or in cash, if it wasn't a receipt it doesn't even really mean anything. No doubt he was in the club though. Could be his mates on a wind up, or something. I think it sounds odd for a strip club to do that but who flipping knows, lol.
Does he go to strip clubs often? The fact he was out all night raises alarm bells more so than the 2 cards. Out of interest, how much money did he spend? That again would be an issue as these places can be extortionate.
He is has deffo behaved badly but the card things might not be the main issue really.

I can categorically tell you this is not true.

I don’t really understand how the cards work but is there a chance they were tokens / vouchers someone else paid for and gave to him, and since they are still in his pocket he didn’t use them for a private dance? As for not remembering he was there - well, he must’ve been comatose so how did he even get home? What sort of workplace is he in where they encourage staff to visit strip joints and get this battered?

It's still very patronising

It may have been used in GoT, but it’s been common parlance in the US for hundreds of years.

Going to a strip club at all is a dealbreaker for me. If a man wants to do that… well he is most definitely not a man who shares my values sufficiently for a relationship to work. So I would absolutely end a relationship over it. It wouldn’t be a surprise to anyone in a relationship with me either.

This for me too.
However, why on earth wouldn't be tell you IF he'd be home that night? Was he hoping to get lucky or something, so keeping his options open? I don't understand how someone going out wouldn'e know if they were going to be home or not!

And rocking up home at 7am! And bless his heart he can't remember what he'd done or where he had been? Course he can't. Or more like he absolutely does but is sure as hell not going to tell you.

Do lapdance clubs in the UK really give out 'vouchers' for £50 private dances to random men in the street? Really?
Perhaps they were given at the door as a sort of promotion. lovely. or perhaps they are the receipt for him handing over 2 lots of £50 cash.
The fact he was in there at all and then didn't get home until 7am hardly screams great husband.
Sorry OP, if he can't tell you exactly what happened because of his sudden memory loss, i'd take that to mean something happened that he needs you not to know about.

It would be a deal breaker for me, paying a hundred quid to get a boner. There will be people on both sides, some that don't care and others that do. What matters is you, how do you feel? Personally I couldn't get past the lying and complete disregard of your feelings, you're upset and he doesn't give a flying shit

'Sweet summer child' is a quote from Game of Thrones to describe a naive person. In the story, if you were born in the long summer then you didn't know how bad life could get. It's nothing to do with ageism.

The lap dance isn’t the issue here, it’s the fact that either he’s lying or you think he’s lying.

What is the relationship normally like?

Do you have a problem with strip clubs/so dances and have discussed this with him in the past?

Oooh, language. That’s told me! 🤣

Oh piss off with your disingenuous.

The whole thing was ageist. And what I actually did was reply to the exchange and report both posts for ageism.

"Husband on xmass party night ..wouldnt tell be before he left if he would be home ." This would piss me off and be a big fuck off from me. Why wouldn't he tell you if he would be home or not? What a way to treat someone.

The lapdancing would be secondary to the not coming home. If a group of fellas on a work night out choose to go to a lapdancing place - that would put me off them for being sleazes. If he went along as that was what they were doing - I could let it go but be put off he was such a sheep. Paying 100 quid (unless you are wealthy) before Xmas on lapdances would be annoying as fuck - even if you were wealthy - still annoying. The dancers deserve the money for putting up with the knob head patrons.

Looking through his pockets to me is something I wouldn't do and I suspect you did it knowing you would find evidence of something you don't like.

So you have proof that he didn't have 2 lap dances.

You are being very unreasonable at the moment with what we know right now.

I am aware of his quote history works and you read the thread, went past the ‘sweet summer child’ without comment and then decided that ‘old lady’ was ageist. When you were called out on the double standard, suddenly you were talking to them both (and apparently concerned with thread cluttering).

It’s coming across as very disingenuous.

Press ‘show quote history’ and you can see it quotes the whole exchange.

Nice bit of ageism applies to both comments.

Or I could just clutter the thread up quoting both in a redundant manner.

Not really. You quoted Catza’s response, not Monsteramama’s comment. So, you were clearly fine with the patter’s ageism until your hypocrisy was called out.

Like she says, very telling.

No, my sweet old lady. We usually go to these establishments together.

This* post *is so bloody grim 🤮

I don't understand what these cards are. These places don't give out "thanks for coming" cards or receipts. If they give receipts they would be worded so as to not know what was given - like when you order something and it has discreet labelling.

This sounds more like a promotion? It seems crazy that he would bring them home too.

Regardless, if he is being evasive that is a red flag. He's too scared to tell the truth or lie so he gives a half cooked answer. Only you know if you'll accept or forgive. It doesn't matter what we day. This is your relationship with your husband. Do what feels right for you.

maybe the whole change is problematic. The comment covers all of that.

Somehow, you don't seem to have the same response to someone calling me a child... isn't that telling?

Agreed. I was a lap dancer for years and it’s not the place for married men.

I've had these cards thrust into my hand on nights out. Nowhere near the actual lapdancing venue (some will even offer you a lift to the door) so you probably need to establish for certain whether he went in there or not

As some others have said, if this is just a PR tool from some wide boy on the pavement then you maybe have nothing to worry about

On the other hand, he may have started with 5 of the cards and now only two remain in his pocket...

You really need to establish some more facts before you hit the emergency divorce button

Totally agree with this. Much bigger issues at play than the lap dance!