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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Backchat - normal?

39 replies

Bringonspring24 · 08/01/2024 19:57

How much backchat is normal from your 8 year olds?

My DS is relentless, it’s several times a day. I don’t think it’s right.

AIBU = it’s normal, 8 year olds are full of cheek and attitude

AIBNU = my 8 year old wouldn’t dare speak to me like that

OP posts:
Original poster
Bringonspring24 · 08/01/2024 20:37

@Mrgrinch i don’t think it’s funny. Define “put up with”?

@Kettlebellend he’s always been a huge boundary pusher.

OP posts:
Kettlebellend · 08/01/2024 20:33

I think they all go through a phase where they test what they can get away with! But my second dc definitely tries to push it more than my first.
i would carry on as you’re doing though pull up on the rude stuff, it’s probably better that he’s acting that way in front of you so you can teach and model the nicer way to respond

Mrgrinch · 08/01/2024 20:27

I wouldn't put up with any back chat. It'll only escalate and by the time he's a teenager he will be vile.

I really dislike cheeky children and it's even worse when the parents think it's cute or funny.

Original poster
Bringonspring24 · 08/01/2024 20:19

@MolkosTeenageAngst no swearing at me yet thank goodness.

Of course, sorry I should’ve given some examples. See my post above - sometimes it’s the tone rather than the words. A lot of the time it’s being sarcastic almost, repeating back what I’m saying, or saying whatever his response is in a voice full of attitude, a disrespectful tone.

OP posts:
Original poster
Bringonspring24 · 08/01/2024 20:16

For sure, thanks @MrsTerryPratchett , I definitely do that. For example “I know you’re enjoying your Lego, it’s hard to stop, you still need to shower” etc etc. The rudeness might carry on for a bit then.

What I find the most frustrating is the back chat just because. The repeating back what I’m saying, or sometimes responding with actual words that are fine (eg “ok” when I ask him to do something) but the tone is rude and cheeky.

OP posts:
MolkosTeenageAngst · 08/01/2024 20:16

What do you class as backchat? Can you give some examples - hard to say if it’s normal or not without knowing what you mean by backchat. Of course sometimes kids are going to speak back and not just do everything you say, but there’s a difference between initially saying ‘No, I don’t want to, it’s boring’ when you ask them to clean their room vs saying, ‘Fuck off mum, you can’t make me, you do it.’

MrsTerryPratchett · 08/01/2024 20:14

If it's that, giving a chance for him to really be heard, empathised with and listened to might (!) help. He has to do the thing, but you hear his pain and you care. It might be an unbreakable habit by now though!

Original poster
Bringonspring24 · 08/01/2024 20:12

I wish I knew the answer! Sometimes because he doesn’t want to do something for sure.

OP posts:
MrsTerryPratchett · 08/01/2024 20:10

Why is he doing it? For a laugh or because he feels genuinely aggrieved about something?

Original poster
Bringonspring24 · 08/01/2024 20:08

I tell him off. Every single time. Tell him it is not how we speak to people. Sometimes “the look” will suffice. He apologises. But it doesn’t stop.

Sometimes it’s a wind up eg repeating back. Sometimes it’s bloody rude.

OP posts:
liveforsummer · 08/01/2024 20:04

I have 2. At 8 dd1 wouldn't have dared. By 12 she'd started to learn her backchat from dd2 who started around 6 🙄

TeaKitten · 08/01/2024 20:02

My 9 year old never does and never has, my 6 year old is probably going to be totally different though. Just depends on the child really. How do you handle the back chat?

PeopleAreWeird · 08/01/2024 20:00

Mumsnet - No child back chats 😂

Real life - About 50% of children i reckon 😂

Hankunamatata · 08/01/2024 19:59

Depends on the child.
Iv got one who is a cheeky wee toad. Everytime he does backchat/blatantly rude he loses 10mins gaming time. If it isn't rude but a bit cheeky I try to have a convo with him about how is he speaking to people