AIBU to feel societal pressure re getting a house now we have a DD?

i don’t think I would move location for a house. Extra commute and less family time is more important. Especially if you have an abundance of parks near you.

have you looked at maisonettes that maybe more affordable?
also make sure you weigh up the service charges costs flats with lifts can be especially high.

but it’s no one’s business really it’s what fits your lifestyle

Hi OP, you are absolutely right that we are obsessed with house owning in this country. I wonder if it could be to do with the whole issue of leasehold versus freehold. However, I would rather a flat in the city than a house in the suburbs if that is what I am used to. London is full of green spaces so a garden is not necessary. A stable home comes from those who reside within it, not just from bricks and mortar, and if all three of you are happy with apartment living, then go for it.

@TheJanuaryPinks so now you’re judging people who rent? You sound very bitter & unhappy, maybe go back to the Daily Mail

Are there decent schools where you are right now? If parents are all moving to the suburbs who's left for dc to go to school with? This is a real problem in the city I live in, young families moving out, the families who are living centrally are often only there temporarily. But I guess London is big enough that there will always be people around

some london schools are being impacted, it’s one reason we moved area.

https://clapham.nub.news/news/local-news/falling-pupil-numbers-force-another-south-london-school-to-close-184115

@Wannabemamas You can try and justify it however you want, but at the end of the day, your kid is cooped up in a flat her parents don’t even own.

You are literally pissing money away on rent each month rather than creating a stable asset your daughter can enjoy in her youth and will see her right later in life.

Don't worry, I've got a garden and my dd(4) never wants to go out there and loves the park instead. I grew up with a garden too and always wanted to be playing out or at the park. İf I say let's sit outside to my dd, she prefers sitting on the front door step watching the world go by.

People in the UK can be very weird about flats. I probably shouldn't complain, I live in a gorgeous flat in an area I wouldn't have been able to afford a house in just because people are so weird about them. I have some neighbours with kids who seem to be doing absolutely fine and DH and I don't anticipate moving if we have our own. We're a very short walk from a good park in a very walkable area with lots of amenities within about 5 minutes of us. The building is purpose built from the 70s and the sound proofing is excellent - better in fact than the new build semi we lived in previously.

I would quite like a private garden to potter in, I won't lie, but unless you're a billionaire house hunting is about compromise and the compromise I've made is having upstairs neighbours who I never hear but whose flat provides an extra layer of insulation to keep my heating bills down. In return I get to live somewhere nice and not a suburban desert of amenities.

Don't let people with no imagination dictate how you live your life.

Are there decent schools where you are right now? If parents are all moving to the suburbs who's left for dc to go to school with? This is a real problem in the city I live in, young families moving out, the families who are living centrally are often only there temporarily. But I guess London is big enough that there will always be people around. If the schools are fine then live where you want to live. You might find a flat with a balcony or shared garden? Sounds like your dc will be happy with a little corner of sunshine to play with her toys or read a book.

It's not a binary choice though, is it? We have a garden and you wouldn't see our kid dead in it. However, we go out near every day to the local nature reserve and she catches a bus into town and to the local tennis court for her practice. You must be a very unimaginative parent if you think children can only get fresh air and movement in a garden.
I also can absolutely bet that you don't turf your child out into the garden in the middle of winter on a daily.

Although this poster is stating it in a bit of an extreme way, they do sort of have a point. It makes the most sense financially to buy a home before you have children because if nothing else your affordability is better pre-children, your career has not yet been affected by maternity leave etc, no childcare bill for mortgage providers to factor in to what you can borrow etc.

I’m in my twenties, DH & I bought our home before ttc and we had always been told to buy before children because it’s much harder to save a deposit post-baby (naturally between another mouth to feed, another person’s life to fund, potentially reduced earning if part tome/mat leave etc), and banks factor in your child when deciding how much you can lend.

Nope, mid 30s with kids.

You can feel sorry for me all you want, but it’s your daughter I feel sorry for, being cooped up as she is.

@Wannabemamas just ignore that poster.

People really need to think about their situation before they bring a kid into it. There’s a very good reason people used to marry, buy a house and THEN have kids.

Well obviously its because house prices vs wages were much cheaper. My in laws 2nd house which they moved to from another house in their early 30s was about 50k in the 80s and now they are 1.5m, my parents house is even more expensive.

Societal pressure? Trust your oen decision actually make a decision, and stop looking for issues that aren't there would seem best way forward

But millions of people live very happily in flats and it works for them. Do what's right for you, not what the Jones's think. It's your life, not theirs.

I agree but I'm not sure the OP knows what she wants. I could move to z5 or out of London and have a much bigger house & garden, even in my area a bit further away I would get more for my money but I want the station & the high street under 10 mins walk. We all have to compromise!

What I realise is that if you have the choice to live in a house with a garden or a flat then yes, you are being selfish.

Going to the park is not the same as having your own garden.

People really need to think about their situation before they bring a kid into it. There’s a very good reason people used to marry, buy a house and THEN have kids.

Of course lay out makes a difference, but as I said we had a good sized first floor maisonette with 3 bedrooms & I would have probably stayed there without dc but I'm happier in the house, it just feels more separate.

Two things would put me off a flat - noise and lack of control over service charges.

If you buy a purpose built flat with good sound proofing the first problem is dealt with.

The service charge issue is more problematic.

I am not a gardener so would not care about the lack of a garden. However, ds did like to play football in our garden and we are not really close to parks (10 mins walk or so). Also a child can play unattended in a secure garden while you have to go with them to a park (until they get older).

But millions of people live very happily in flats and it works for them. Do what's right for you, not what the Jones's think. It's your life, not theirs.

With our warmer summers I think having your own private outdoor space is a godsend tbh