AIBU to feel societal pressure re getting a house now we have a DD?

No, she isn't "literally" pissing money away unless she's shoving her money into a blender first and then drinking it.

The whole point of the OP is that the person in question is trying to buy. She doesn't need a lecture as to how terrible renting is.

When I was a nanny for two very successful parents, they chose to live in a flat in the centre of the city. There was always something new (and free!) to do. Transport was fast and easy. Their parents had a 20 minute and 30 minute commute. Now they're teenagers, they're independent and don't need to be driven from place to place. There are lots of benefits. If you and your husband like living in the city I don't see a problem with buying a flat.

Nope. If you haveto rent, you have to rent. OPdoesnothave to rent, and can buy property for her daughter’s future. Choosingnot to is selfish

You're showing yourself to be very narrow minded @TheJanuaryPinks .

People have all kinds of different circumstances. Not everyone who rents is doing so because they 'have' to and crying a river that they're not a mighty homeowner 😁

We rent. Out of choice. Mind-blowing, I know.

We had a choice of buying a nice house in a nice enough area or renting a fantastic house in the best area. So we rent. It's not wasted money to us at all, we consider it an investment into our dc's future. We've essentially bought them a childhood dh and I could only have dreamed of at their ages.

We're bringing our dc up in a huge, beautiful 4 bed house with sea views and land, in catchment for the best school in the County. Our very sizeable cash fund which we didn't put towards a house purchase (which unfortunately wasn't enough to buy a similar house where we are) - is very wisely invested and added to and growing at circa 7 % a year.

In probably about 20 years, when dh and I are in our 50's, we'll buy a house in our lovely area for cash - a large 3 bed without the land, in the same area but when (obviously) school catchment isn't an issue and at least some dc will have fled the nest...so very affordable for us to do so and retire here. Our dc have their own investments in their names for their future.

No need to feel dreadful for our dc whose nasty parents refused to buy them a house 😂

Try opening your mind a bit and considering that not everyone is exactly the same as you.

It's all about what you personally value, what stage your family is in and what your kids are like. We live in a ground floor flat with a shared garden. The kids are in and out all summer and it is amazing to have that community around us and other kids all over the place. It wouldn't be the same with a private garden.

However now they're getting bigger we do want a bit more living space. More than one storey so we're not on top of each other, an extra bathroom. We are trying to find a semi detached in our neighbourhood to give us what we need as our kids grow. That will come with a private garden but to be honest that's a bit of a neutral point for me - the shared garden is perfect for kids. Parks are great too, much more for kids to do than your average suburban garden.

I wouldn't move out of our town because I place a high value on a low car lifestyle where the kids can get around independently. No lifts and we walk and cycle pretty much everywhere in our day to day lives. No chance I'd be giving that up for more space in a village and becoming a slave to the car, taxiing the kids here there and everywhere.

On balance it sounds like you'd be happier in town. Nothing wrong with that at all.

Of course, but in general, if you can’t afford to buy a home (whether a flat or a house) before having children then you’re going to find it even more difficult to afford to buy your first home after having children unless you are relying on some form of inheritance/gift from parents upon their retirement etc.

Purely and simply because less of your money is your own and it has to spread further after having children. Even if you were to say (after mat leave) that neither parent’s income decreases (so neither goes part time), that joint income suddenly has to also cover a £1500 a month nursery bill, or as children get older it has to cover after school clubs, school lunches, an extra human’s worth of clothes, uniforms, snacks, hobbies, christmas/birthday presents. For affordability purposes when you go to a mortgage provider they factor in that you have child/ren and that directly impacts how much they are willing to lend you.

It’s absolutely no judgement from me either way on renting or buying, some people prefer to rent and that’s their choice, my in laws live in a rented home and have never had any desire to buy because they like the fact that whenever something breaks they don’t have to fix it. But for someone that wants to buy rather than rent, it is in general easiest to save a deposit for a property & buy a property before having children because that is when you have the most disposable money, simply because at that time you have 2 adults and 2 incomes, rather than 2 adults 1/2 kids on 2 incomes.

We had a leasehold flat in London, nothing in the lease about pets apart from that they couldn't make noise. Would recommend a council leasehold, we had no issues with ours, they only put the services charges up a little each year, and was £10 a year ground rent! Do what works for you and your family! Who cares what others think.

Re flats - they are all mostly leasehold and have service charges - some have ground rent too. Beware!
There is very little leaseholders can do regarding controlling service charges which legally have to be paid and can be a big rip off by managing agents - see fb group for leasehold reform etc.

I think part of the problem is that British flats aren't built with family living in mind and they are seen by many as inferior to houses, just a stepping stone. Packed in close and rarely soundproofed.

I spent time as a child in a European country where flats were huge and had cellar and loft spaces for each resident (including communal spaces used by kids ) They were typically built a round a green space which fostered a community.

I think if you can find one a conversion flat or maisonette with a small garden would be ideal.

Always good to have somewhere to sit out, have a small BBQ, grow some tomatoes, let the cat out, or whatever.

Also these type of flats avoid huge service charges (dead money) and ground rents and often have shared freehold.

“You are aware lots of people rent & put money into other investments?”

Well exactly. Some people would like flexibility. Investing via ISAs is now relatively tax efficient. No CGT, no income tax and you can put £20k in every year.
In London, in particular, it can be cheaper to rent than buy. Buying is so extortionate and return on investment for landlords is often very low. It all depends on your exact circumstances and if you know how to get a long, secure let. The types of landlords renting out nice expensive flats are often long term rich landlords who do not chuck people out and just want steady professional tenants who stay for years.

Ignore the stupid posts, OP. Your dd will be completely fine in a flat.

My dsis and bil raised their dc in a lovely flat and he didn't miss out in any way at all.

Just do what you and your DH feel is best for your family. It really doesn't matter what anyone else thinks.

Nope. If you have to rent, you have to rent.

OP does not have to rent, and can buy property for her daughter’s future. Choosing not to is selfish.

You are aware lots of people rent & put money into other investments? Buying isn’t the only war of securing your dc’s future & it would be unwise to rely on that alone particularly with the state of the NHS & care costs

I would always choose living in a nice part of South West London with 1-2 DCs over living somewhere with no culture or soul or on one of those country roads in Surrey where you cannot even walk and have to drive everywhere. You can move to places like Guildford or Winchester with some character but I would still choose South West London any day. In addition, those kind of places are just as expensive anyway. So of course you should choose a nice flat in a place you like. Just make sure it is on a street where people stay and don’t constantly leave to move away. It is a nice for children to have a steady peer group especially at primary school. Play and park dates and things like Halloween are much more fun if there is a close community.

I think a garden for children is most useful when they are under 5. Once they start school they tend to prefer the playground and many head there immediately after school finishes. Choose somewhere with green spaces nearby for family walks as well. You will probably end up with a more spacious flat than a house with similar footprint but smaller rooms, stairs etc.

@TheJanuaryPinks you do realise we flat dwellers are allowed to leave our flats?

We live in a flat and Mr Monkey runs 100 plus miles a week. We certainly aren't "cooped up" in a flat. Indeed living in a city where we don't need a car means we probably walk a lot more than suburban garden havers.

Nope. If you have to rent, you have to rent.

OP does not have to rent, and can buy property for her daughter’s future. Choosing not to is selfish.

I think it is a very personal choice. I would always stay in London and would not be able to live in Surrey. Too homogenous for me. London is so vibrant and fun and caters for all ages. Teens are bored in the sticks and kids grow up so quickly. Having said that there will be towns in Surrey that may not feel too different from parts of suburban London (so depends on where you are and what you are looking at).

Who cares what others think? It is your choice.

However buying a home whether flat or house is important for retirement, and don't forget the cost of service charges, which will always go up.

hmmmmm @TheJanuaryPinks i don't agree - my flat has a shared garden and we have a slide out there for my daughter - she barely wants to go out there! she prefers the park - so the garden isn't actually that much of an asset for me at the moment (i hoped / thought it would be and it was a must when we were looking to buy!) I think her life is much better with us living in the flat right next to all the parks and work / nursery / shops! means i dont have to drag her round in the car - we can cycle / walk everywhere!

Our options for house would mean a long commute / parents missing out on evenings with her!

I don't think its selfish

obviously a house would be better for us / more space would be nice - but we just get up and go out every day - we are rarely cooped up inside

One set of our neighbours moved from London... as in early retirement, deposits for DC and downsizing to a bungalow.

They had a big garden with trees to back and side of their property and the previous owners did a lot of work to make it look lovely.

London Couple extended the patio at the back, put in small raised beds and fake grass. The side is now paved for extra car parking.

Concussion is: nope you don't need a garden. Raise your DC however you see fit.