AIBU to feel societal pressure re getting a house now we have a DD?

Everyone around us is desperately upgrading for a bigger house and moving further out but we feel we might be happy with a more modest property (an apartment) in our current area, which is lovely and gives us everything we need.

Bumping as I'm in the same situation!

I don’t see the point in tiny gardens - a balcony is just a good to put decking out, plants, use for storage, and is more private than a tiny overlooked garden. And with multi-floor living, a lot of space gets wasted on landings, stairwells and having to have extra toilets and things on each floor.

A lovely BIG house with a nice BIG garden like my parents have, does have its charms, no doubt about it! I have such lovely memories of the kids all playing there in summer holidays! But then, British weather makes it unusable for much of the year, and few people of working age can buy big houses with generous gardens like that these days. My parents’ house is worth almost a million now, yet was bought on a single normal salary back in the 1980s.

That's a good point @literaryloveaffair

We almost upsized from a 3 bed house to a 2 bed house. Sounds counterintuitive but it was nearly twice as big with large rooms and lots of storage. Sadly the sellers changed their mind about selling but it was a fantastic space that was well thought out. We ended up with 4 double beds and it's only 10sqm bigger than that house.

We also have friends who bought a new build with a decent sized garden. They don't really use it as see it as another chore to add to the list. They'd rather meet up at the park across the road for a picnic than host a bbq.

I bought a small 2 bed flat when we were in our 20s and would love more space and also ttc. Looking at buying a bigger flat.

I visited a friend who did buy a terrace (140 sq metres) for her, her dh and her baby. But she didn't seem to have more space for her stuff or find house easier to manage. She also doesn't really use the garden.. I think I would be more like her. So floorplan is important I think as well as spacious rooms and if on a budget easier to buy a really nice 2 bed flat with share of fh and garage than a sub optimal house.. Even houses in the home counties are expensive now and you would have to compromise in some way.

I think you know your family now, but you don’t know what they’d be like in 10 years. For me living in a flat would have been fine until the kids were about 7/8, after that I definitely appreciated having space to store stuff, get away from each other, use different rooms to watch TV etc. I think if we’d been in a flat my kids might have spent a lot more time in their rooms with headphones on! So I guess just remember that I’m not very long there will be 3 fully grown people living there all of whom need space and storage. One of my kids was also very prone to getting stir crazy if they were indoors all day so for them a garden was a godsend.

That said I know lots of people who raise 1-2 bed flats here and abroad (admittedly big ones), they are all fine.

If a 2 bed flat suits your needs, do it. Comparison is the thief of joy and all that.

Yes, true, very hard to decide. When we bought our house we only moved a few streets away as we like our area, too! 😅

I think you are answering your own doubts here! Shorter, less expensive commute with loads of amenities and activities versus the opposite if you moved out of your area. I would say buy your flat now and see what happens in future. My husband and I didn't buy our first house until we were in our 50s. Before that, I lived in my flat for 20 years. I don't have children, though, although most people around me did - and they still live in those flats.

i didn’t know how to vote, YANBU to feel the pressure, YABU if you let it dictate important life choices. Thank you for articulating the way you have. We decided to buy a first floor flat (maisonette with loft conversion) in London suburbs rather than move further out and get a house. We absolutely love our flat, been in 1.5 years and I do occasionally have those doubts of oh I wish I had a house with kitchen with direct access to garden etc but only when the weather’s good which isn’t that often in this country. I still compare to others who have made different choices but this is the right choice for us. We love the location, we have lots of space and we do have a small garden and also live near a few parks.
Do what’s right for you, choose a property in a location you love over having the stereotypical dream home that everyone else is after.

I think service fees are a thing to think about and should be investigated carefully; they do def need to weighed up against the fact that flats are a lot cheaper to heat, and living more centrally often means not needing to buy and run a car or a second car. It all depends on your situation.

Ahh, I misunderstood. In that case, I can't see that a nice flat in a good area is any kind of disadvantage. London has so much for kids.
I think service fees can be expensive but then, so is house ownership generally - there's always something that needs paying for!

Lots of people grow on living in flats, with no negative consequences - London is filled with of entertainment and leisure facilities.
But I'd be bit concerned about the security of renting, once you get past the age where a mortgage would be easily available. Will you have enough money to buy outright once you retire? I think the downside to renting is that happens in older age.

Sometimes you can also get a house for the price of a flat, even in London if you go for a 1960/70s thing. A friend lived in a house on one of the Blackheath Estates and it seemed great. There were some restrictions like you cannot rent it out if you move out yourself which kept the value down but also actually meant it was a great community. So you can find gems like that if you are not all set on Victorian period features. I always think light/aspect on the inside is the most important thing/not kerb appeal. Besides kerb appeal can be altered with planting and colour. There will always be compromises.

I live is a share of freehold block. We have a management company as there is no way we could manage all the works and admin for 64 flats on our own (well at some point residents tried and 30 years later we are still undoing some of that damage 🙄)

Yes the Management Comany do require paying for their services but it is worth it. The difference is we are their bosses so we direct their work, make decisions on costs and what contracts they agree to. We can also sack them and go for a different agency if we don't like the costs/service.

Share of Freehold does not necessarily reduce your costs but it does give you more control. The downside is you do need people who are willing and step up and do that work (for example i have just spent half an hour comparing lift servicing contracts)

We thought about moving a few years ago to live on a slightly nicer and more convenient street. We created a financial model and inputted the stamp duty and the moving costs and the higher mortgage costs over x years. Then we compared to putting into safe tax free investments via ISA and pensions. The former at our price point was so not worth it. The stamp duty is also a real killer too at a certain price point, as well as the mortgage rates you end up repaying. Houses require lots of maintenance too - I think in flats overall it may be 20per cent more expensive because management companies take a cut and typically go for larger contractors vs contractors under the VAT threshold.