"I've never found him attractive"

I have a friend who did this.... getting to late thirties and married a very kind dependable man..but she admits she has never found him attractive. It blows my mind to be honest....I couldn't bear to sleep with a man I didn't find attractive. They don't appear unhappy though....she loves him like a brother I think. She has a nice house and children. Conversely I know a woman who is single and childless and it's now to late for her to meet a man and have kids. I'm not sure thats an especially happier scenario

I don't want great sex while my kids are poor. How could I even enjoy sex if my home is about to be repossessed or I have to live in a shitty home? Money is more helpful to the family than oh well at least mum orgasms every night.

I think a lot of people, both men and women, are scared of rejection and so don't go for the people they really want. If I've been deeply attracted to a really gorgeous man I've always assumed he's a player or cheat, perhaps to my detriment.

Similar characters also binds people, and common temperaments.

I'm not sure many men marry out of sense on insecurity. My man certainly didn't. We genuinely married for love. Sure we were very young and rarely left the bedroom but it's stood the test of time. I wish I could put my finger on exactly why but it's just one of those things. We clicked and it's worked. Perhaps it's my flaming red hair.

Women are sold a lie that looks and attraction are unimportant.

“Women settle. It’s social conditioning. They are frequently told to give ‘nice guys a chance’ and they give years to these apparent ‘nice’ guys who actually are just mediocre.”

This is so true. And whilst the early hormones can blind women to many things, once they wear off and you see your fat icky ugly husband, many women prefer to stay in the marriage for many and sometimes complex reasons.

This is not true for men. The various medical funny stories are evidence that men do not need to find a person or object attractive to enjoy having sex. I’m not even sure men get the ick the way women do?

So did you actually go along and marry someone you felt ambivalent about?

So they've actually said "I have no attraction to him, I don't like him but I reckon I can con him into marriage and kids?"

I would say be realistic than settle.

Having undesirable sex once a week is preferable to putting up with being poor. The fact is, women still get paid less than men, motherhood still vastly reduces women’s earnings, and decent houses in respectable areas cost two salaries. You have to think about your kids as well as yourself - you do it to keep them in a nice house.

Nobody has to settle. I’d rather be single than married to a man I wasn’t keen on as a consolation prize.

It might be bad for you but some people have a loe libido or find financial security a bigger turn on. People have different priorities and are willing to put up with different things.
I would give up good sex and good looks for a fat wallet.

Except attraction isn't one side fits all.
By your logic I should be marked to an ugly dickhead because I'm not pretty or skin enough to be worthy of a decent bloke. In reality I'm married to an average looking guy who works full time, rarely goes out, supports me to have time away, does his share with the kids and house, works full-time, is good to him mom but not too much, and it's great at presents.

Even hot successful women with hot successful men end up cheated on a d heartbroken. Nobody can have the whole package long term.

Then you make your peace with ending up alone. It’s much better than wasting your time with a dud.

i got one of the above ^ - very pleased I didn’t settle.

also- contrary to your point above, I’m probably not the ‘hottest’ woman out there!

I think the number of people who genuinely marry a guy they have zero attraction to is very very small. However I think people lose that and look back through smudge coloured glasses. They can't remember the time when they used to think the smile was cute, now it's just contemptuous. That laugh isn't hysterical it's annoying. He's put on weight and lost hair. He's picked up annoying habits or the repetition of habits over 10 years has made them annoying - suddenly leaving dirty socks on the bathroom is something to commit murder over whereas once it was a funny quirk.

If they look for a stable provider,
funny, kind type AND someone that gets them hot under the collar
These type of men are highly in demand. Only the most attractive and desirable women are going to get them. If you’re not one of those women, you have to settle. Either for someone who’s sexy but not stable, or vice versa someone who’s stable but not sexy. The least attractive women have to settle for someone who is neither!

Have you heard of post nut clarity?
Time gives you perspective. Sometimes we lie to ourselves or don't realise something will matter later because we know we can't have a perfect life with a perfect partner.
People get swept up by all sorts of things and only later see things more clearly. I don't think that's malicious, it's just life and maturity.
Also so what if you were physically attracted before? People lose their looks literally (aging, weight, illness, hairloss..) or metaphorically (ugly irritating personality..).
In the end, whether you started with attraction or not doesn't matter if it's over it's over.

And why didn't the other partner pick up on no attraction? Both deceived themselves.

I've never heard anyone say this. I'm sure it happens sometimes but I don't feel it's really common.

To be fair, marrying for love and love only is a fairly new concept and is not universal. There are several reasons people marry. If you've never been in their shoes you cannot understand and there is no reason to criticise them. Others marry for companionship and it works for them and they are contented. Equally some marry for love then it goes tits up. Life is strange. It has zillions of mixes when it comes to partnerships with zillions of possible outcomes. Life is nor black and white for many. If you are one of those who have been absolutely in love with your mate since you where 16 and have been together for 55 mind blowing years with mind blowing sex then thank your lucky stars.

you’re looking at this all wrong.

Women settle. It’s social conditioning. They are frequently told to give ‘nice guys a chance’ and they give years to these apparent ‘nice’ guys who actually are just mediocre.

If they look for a stable provider,
funny, kind type AND someone that gets them hot under the collar- there is quite often baying harpies telling them they are being too picky and they will end up alone. A thread like this pops up weekly with someone expressing faux concern for their ‘picky’ friend ending up alone.

If you are unattractive to many men and desperate for kids I can see why it would be a valid choice. I couldn't have sex with someone I didn't fancy though, I would rather use a sperm donor if I wanted kids that much.