I’m drowning

on days like this I used to have a checklist:

1. Shower and put on clothes
2. Eat something and have a cup of tea (unless you’re a coffee person)
3. Make the bed
4. Walk round the block

I held onto this when I was treated for severe depression and found that it worked for me (I took myself off Citalopram as it made me feel sedated). I started very simply with the goal of going for a 60 minute walk and then built on that by then writing down 3 things I wanted to achieve in a day (could be something simple like an hour of cleaning, etc). I understood that if I did my chores quickly first thing in the morning, then I could spend the rest of the day doing whatever I wanted, including nothing. 3 things became 5, then 10, then 15 - and I started feeling good with myself about the stuff that I was getting done.

The problem; How To Activate Yourself
Depression is a vicious circle. It slows you down, mentally and physically. Everything becomes an effort, and you tire easily. You do less, and then blame yourself for doing less. You come to believe that you can do nothing and that you will never get over your depression. Then you feel even more depressed. It becomes even more difficult to do anything. And so it goes on.

Overcoming the problem: activity scheduling;
Becoming more active is one way of breaking the vicious circle. It has a number of advantages.

• Activity makes you feel better. At the very least, it takes your mind off your painful feelings. It can give you the sense that you are taking control of your life again, and achieving something worthwhile. You may even find that there are things you enjoy, once you try them.

• Activity makes you feel less tired. Normally, when you are tired, you need more rest. When you are depressed the opposite is true. You need to do more. Doing nothing will only leave you feeling more lethargic and exhausted. And doing nothing leaves your mind unoccupied, so you are more likely to brood on your difficulties, and to feel even more depressed.

• Activity motivates you to do more. In depression, motivation works backwards. The more you do, the more you feel like doing.

• Activity improves your ability to think. Once you get started, problems which you thought you could do nothing about come into perspective.

Well done on getting something done, it's not easy. You've already got quite a lot of sympathy and good advice so I won't just say the same, however just wanted to let you know that I know of A LOT of people suffering with anxiety/depression (myself included) who've suffered more than usual this year.

I honestly blame the weather. It's been so rainy, so dark. That makes a big difference. Google the effects of weather on mood. It's ridiculous. But it could go some way to explaining why you're not feeling good, even though your meds usually work for you. Bad weather makes you want to do nothing, eat rubbish and sleep more - none of which is ultimately good for you, and will only make you feel worse.

Well done of doing what you have today. Get your mum round. I find it so much easier to help tidy someone else’s home rather than my own. You say she is supportive and knows somethings wrong so let her help. Can you motivate to go for a really short walk, even just round the block? For some reason you just don’t regret a short spell in fresh air and it really helps. I know it sounds little and I’m not trying to minimise what you are going through. You have so much on your plate right now

Amazing! Well done. Have a little rest now.

Oh do please get your mum round. Ask for help. She will want to help you and you do need some help.

There is absolutely no shame in that at all.

Do you have any food in the house for the kids ?

I am sure your Mum would love to help you if you’d let her. Doesn’t matter what state your house is in. She’s your Mum.

Please, please ask your mum to help if you think she will. My mum is my absolute saviour when I’m feeling down. And as a mum to a 16 and 23 year old I’d be devastated if they suffered in silence.
As for how you feel…have you seen your GP lately? I take mertazapine which keeps me on an even keel but I also have low B12 which I have jabs for every 12 weeks. I was late for my last one and boy could I feel it. Lethargic, no motivation for anything. I felt like crying all the time. Get yourself checked out and if there’s nothing else wrong you need to get help for your mental health. But please reach out to
someone. Don’t suffer on your own. X

But they won't be in your home they'd be safe with their dad.

Break it all down.

1 - get the ex to keep the kids for the week
2 - ring 111 mental health line, be honest with them
3 - call your mum round for support.

I think you should get your mum round. You wouldn’t want any of your DC to suffer alone I’m sure. That’s what families are for, to help each other. Let your mum support you.

Do you have a decent relationship with the kids' dad? If he will hold onto the kids for the rest of today, that would be ideal. You won't lose your children from having a little mental wobble.

Sorry to hear you’re having a rough time. If you can do just one thing, feed the kids, pick up one or two things that need putting an away, have a quick wash, you’ll have achieved something. And if you can’t, you can’t, so ask for help.

You feel like this because you're poorly. Would you hesitate if you'd broken your leg or had surgery?

Call 111 now if you're feeling that way. Option 2 gets you through to mental health support. Ask the ex if he can keep the kids for a bit longer.

If you’re on 40mg escitalopram I’d also speak to the GP about changing meds. That’s a high dose for not feeling lots of benefits.
Sertraline works much better for me than escitalopram.

Get up, have a shower, go for a walk round the block then set a timer and clear as much of the house as you can before the kids come home.

Worry about the rest later.

Get back in touch with gp

I think that showering, doing the dishes and sorting out food might seem insurmountable for you at the moment.

How close are you to your mum? Could you manage a phone call to ask her for help? Even if it’s just coming over to make beans on toast for the DC and to sit with them while you pick one thing to try and concentrate on doing (whether that’s showering or even just brushing your teeth). Or do you have a close friend or neighbour you could rely on?

First thing has to be speaking to your doctor. Once you get your medication sorted, everything else will seem easier. Then you can sort your arrears out by asking for a payment plan. Are you on benefits or working? Could you make an appointment with a benefit advisor to check you’re receiving everything you’re entitled to?

Please try to remember that you’re ill, and that you’re not feeling like this because you’re a bad person. Not being able to get out of bed doesn’t mean you don’t love your children. 💐