I’m drowning

This. I tried citalopram and it didn't work for me. Definitely worth asking your gp for a switch to escitalopram

Is it possible your landlord has noticed and they are already silently monitoring the situation to see if you miss further payments?

I'm not doing too well today op. I'd ring your mum (mine passed decades ago). However she would never have wanted me to feel desperate. When we have children we have to try. I have a very messy house but as I am quite ill at the moment I don't care as long as I get some help. Those who judge are not worth your headspace.
I'm trying to book a dog walker or I'll need to rehome my dog which I couldn't bare. I recommend strong tea and a bit of music. Or a feel good movie later.
Talk to shelter tomorrow. Or if you have one in your area The Richmond fellowship. They help people with MH issues.

You’ve achieved lots today. You have managed to get your thoughts together and express them here and that is a huge step. Everyone has given lots of good advice about your health and rent issues. Just take a step at a time and be kind to yourself. You’re not well….if you had flu you wouldn’t be beating yourself up about dishes and housework. While you are feeling like this every single little task that you do is a win.

I really hope that you feel a little better even just reading all the supportive messages here. Hopefully over the next wee while you can manage to see your GP and start to feel a lot better. Look after yourself. Xx

Aw, well done you & eldest! Is 20yo one of the "kids" or do you have two in between him and 2yr old? What's 20yo up to in life now, is he able to help out with rent or still studying?
January is a bit like that generally. Do ask your mum to help with something. She really won't mind. Perhaps she'd enjoy a day out with 2 yr old while any middling age are in school so you can work on sorting out other stuff. Or just have her round and enjoy her company and potter together.

What a sweet, lovely boy you have there. A real credit to you!

Tell the ex you have Covid and can he keep the kids an extra week. No court will hold such a request against you. Even if he refuses you have lost nothing. Secondly, get your mum around. She will want to help, trust me.

Well done for getting going on the house with your eldest.

You need to prioritise your rent arrears tomorrow. Get in touch with CAB or a debt advice charity. Your landlord would rather have a repayment plan than the expense of finding a new tenant, so please do face up to this as they are likely to be receptive to you taking action. Take your mum with you if you need the support to face this.

Can you tell the ex you’re full of cold/think you have a migraine coming on? Tell him it’s help if he could keep the kids tonight and drop them at school tomorrow?

I know myself that no amount comments on here saying go for a walk/just have a shower/text your mum/ring your gP will help in all honesty.

sometimes I just have to wait for something in my brain to click, and the motivation comes back.

give yourself permission to be kind to yourself, do the bare minimum, do whatever gets you through - go back to bed if ex can look after kids.

if kids come home, just focus on bare minimum. Everybody fed (beans on toast?) and everybody in front of the tv, sofa time til you can get them into bed.

tomorrow, when they’re at school resolve to do just one thing to get you back on track. Pots, or similar.

sometimes if I put one put in front of the other, pull myself through the sludge, it sort of gets me going on the right track. the motivation slowly starts drip drip dripping back.

a really lovely and knowledgable GP called Dr A on TikTok explained that there is an antidepressant that works much more effectively than citalopram.
It’s called Escitalopram - might be worth asking your GP about it.

Won’t your mum help you with housework and organisation if she sees your house? Or will she judge you? If she won’t judge you, I’m sure she can help you sort some areas out that need it the most. Or help you sort some laundry for the kids etc.

Take it one step at a time
Get up, have a bath, ring your mum and tell her you need help.
Tomorrow ring your landlord/council/housing association, they will help you with your arrears.
Some council have hardship funds, Google your local council and see if they can help you at all

Sorry to hear you’re going through this, I don’t have any great advice as I’m currently in a similar boat. I’m a single parent (dad has no involvement at all), an autistic DD that kicks off from the minute she wakes up until the minute she goes to sleep and a dog that is in a very disobedient stage of adolescence and honestly I don’t know what to do. I usually make myself feel better by going on a forest walk every morning followed by an hour in the gym but the last week I haven’t even managed to do that when I haven’t got DD (when she’s at school), I’ve just been going back to bed and sleeping all day which is not like me at all. Sending hugs xx

Is that dad contributing with child support? Are you getting everything you're entitled to?

Is your mum the kind of person who could come and help without judging you?

Have a look at the Money Helper website. It lists all the debt advice charities that provide free advice (never use one that charges an admin fee).

https://www.moneyhelper.org.uk/en/money-troubles/dealing-with-debt/debt-advice-locator

I hope you are ok. I was on 40mg of citalopram for two years and it destroyed my life I just became numb to everything and felt like I couldn’t move. It was a hard withdrawal but the best thing I done. Go back to your gp and ask for a med review.

Hey OP. If you don’t want to tell their dad the truth, I’d say I’ve got a sickness bug. Although there is nothing wrong with having poor mental health. I do. Then use today to try and get back to some semblance of what feels more in control by doing some basics so it’s a bit tidier at least - definitely with your mum’s help. But do tell her the truth.

Agree with others, it is so hard but please ask for help. If you feel like you need help before the GP tomorrow you can call 111 if it's urgent/emergency or the crisis service in your area. Offloading to someone may help lift some of the weight, it's a lot for you to carry by yourself.
It does sound like you need a medication review too, and a referral to counselling services. Your GP will be able to refer to the CMHT or crisis if needed.
Getting help won't be held against you by services, it shows you're recognising you need support and doing what's best for you and your children.
I hope you get the help you need. x

Please don't worry about your house. They are not built to be tidy. Mine is a mess and I don't even have children and I have been off work for the last two week. No one worth your time will judge you for your house.

One day your mum is going to need help and support. You'll be there for her. Just like she's going to jump in and help and support you. This is how it works. She's going to be so relieved to be asked to help in the same way you'll be happy and grateful to help her in times to come. Let her in. And your oldest, you've looked after them for a long time. They're an adult. Let them look after you a little, so you can get back into fighting form.

Ask your mum to come around Op.

You sound exhausted! How different this would be if you had had some help to tidy up yesterday and then treated yourself to a much deserved day in bed today.

I'm not saying this to make you feel bad, just that sometimes we have to give ourselves permission to take the rest we need. Single parenting is exhausting, relentless and thankless. You have 3, one of whom is still breastfeeding.

Youre exhausted. It's just been Christmas which is full on and I'll take a guess you haven't stopped. Next time your DC go to thier Dad's, treat yourself to a guilt free, pressure free day in bad and ask your eldest and mum to help you tidy up - you could all have a takeaway and movie night after or something.

Sending hugs. Frankly it's ridiculous that exhausted women are medicated instead of being given permission to rest.

Take care OP sending 💐🧡

Write a list of everything you need to do and cross each thing off once it's done. This really helps me when Im feeling overwhelmed by everything that needs done and it makes me feel better when I'm crossing things off because I can see how much I have done. Try go outside even for a 10 minute walk, the fresh air will help clear your head. Hope you feel better soon, 3 kids on your own is tough ❤️