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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

I’m drowning

107 replies

bazzibizz · 07/01/2024 13:51

I’m sorry to post here but need the trailffic
im a single mum to 3 dc. They’re due home today from their dads. I’ve only just got up. My house is a mess, I’ve got no money. I’m in rent arrears. My anxiety is awful and I’m quite sure I’m depressed. I already take 40mg citalopram.
I just want to get back into bed and stay there. I haven’t seen anyone except my dc for about 2 weeks. It even my mum. I just don’t want to go out or see anyone.
I love my dc with every part of me, but I’m just not up to the job at the moment.
what do I do? How do I get out of this vicious circle?

OP posts:
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Lavenderosemary · 09/01/2024 16:45

How are you feeling today?

Oxborn · 09/01/2024 06:59

Good for you, your coming across happier it’s nice keep going 👏🏻

Noseybookworm · 08/01/2024 21:02

So pleased to hear you've had a good day 😊 well done you xx

Original poster
bazzibizz · 08/01/2024 19:37

This is exactly what I plan on doing!

OP posts:
Delatron · 08/01/2024 18:39

Well done! I love the Purdy & Fig stuff. Smells amazing. I just spray it everywhere!

Nagado · 08/01/2024 17:57

Wow, what a change from yesterday. I’m so pleased you’ve had a good day, well done 💐

Original poster
bazzibizz · 08/01/2024 17:30

Just a quick update if anyone is even remotely interested in my very full life!
tiday has been a good day. I’ve been to the supermarket, my kitchen is gleaming, my DC are home too. I ordered the Purdy and Fig starter kit today. I’ve been wanting it for a while so thought I’d treat myself whilst it’s on offer

OP posts:
Flowersbutpain · 08/01/2024 01:07

You’ve done so well @bazzibizz, you should feel really proud of yourself

Verbena17 · 08/01/2024 01:00

bazzibizz · 08/01/2024 00:57

I thought citalopram and escitalopram were the same thing? Will google and check it out. Thanks

Difference between the two…

I’m drowning
Original poster
bazzibizz · 08/01/2024 00:57

I thought citalopram and escitalopram were the same thing? Will google and check it out. Thanks

OP posts:
b0zza1 · 07/01/2024 21:59

Sounds like something has moved and that's good. For support with the rent arrears try calling the Gingerbread helpline for single parents. They were fantastic when I got through to them (I just kept dialling every 5 minutes)
https://www.gingerbread.org.uk/

Home | Gingerbread

We are Gingerbread, the charity for single parent families. We provide expert advice and practical support for single mums and dads in England and Wales.

https://www.gingerbread.org.uk

Theoldwoman · 07/01/2024 21:50

Verbena17 · 07/01/2024 15:35

a really lovely and knowledgable GP called Dr A on TikTok explained that there is an antidepressant that works much more effectively than citalopram.
It’s called Escitalopram - might be worth asking your GP about it.

My DD and I are both on this one ( different MG) it has been amazing for us both.

olympicsrock · 07/01/2024 21:33

Another one sending a hand hold xx keep going! This may be partly the January / winter blues. I always feel better when spring arrrives .

sonicmum2002 · 07/01/2024 21:13

Thinking of you, OP. Sending a hug and handhold. Xxx

pinoco · 07/01/2024 19:39

I'm a single parent to two and it's bloody hard! I feel like one child is manageable, two - only just, and three is practically impossible without help. I know the drowning feeling very well. I find exercise helps me no end and as long as get that, everything else seems much more manageable and I can just about keep on top of it. I see it as a prescription and it's essential that I take it - whatever it takes. As long as I get that, I can just about cope.. just.

Oxborn · 07/01/2024 19:38

Well done to you both on the cleaning that’s a great start, definitely get your arrears sorted even if it means paying it of little by little is it a private landlord? You will feel so much better once an agreement has been made I know I’ve been there. Good luck

Original poster
bazzibizz · 07/01/2024 19:22

Thanks so much for all the replies. I’ve treated myself to a glass of wine.
smaller person won’t be weaning any time soon I don’t think. He’s very much boob orientatated, which is lovely.
I’ve spoken to my mum. She was pleased to hear we’d started on a cleaning/tidying spree. Hopefully I’ll see her tomorrow or the next day.

OP posts:
Atethehalloweenchocs · 07/01/2024 18:51

Its too much to handle without help - you need to reach out as soon as you can. See the GP as soon as possible and explain you are struggling despite the ADs. When you see the GP, ask for a referral to the food bank. They often have benefits people there who can help with financial problems. I hope all of that can give you some relief. I know it is hard to take that first step but am hoping you can find the energy for it.

WitchyWitcherson · 07/01/2024 18:39

Just popping on to say I felt incredibly down after I night weaned my DD a few weeks ago, just in case you've been breastfeeding less ❤️ I'm dreading fully weaning!!! Glad your eldest chipped in, what a lovely lad he sounds! 😊

MaryDroppings · 07/01/2024 18:39

bazzibizz · 07/01/2024 14:14

I’m scared to ask my ex to keep hold of the children incase it comes back to bite me. I don’t want to lose them. I can’t ask my mum to come round. I don’t want her to see my house like this

Sweetheart, with kindness maybe this is exactly what your mum needs to see. You desperately need her support, reach out to your mum xx

CatMadam · 07/01/2024 18:36

laveritable · 07/01/2024 16:57

pray!

Not the most helpful response…

FunWithFlagz · 07/01/2024 18:31

As a mum of someone who is struggling like you, I would love a phone call. I’d come round and give you a hug, sort your tea and do a bit of a clean up. Call your mum, then call your GP as soon as you can. You’ve done amazingly well to get out of bed today, so take that as a win x

Souvenir81 · 07/01/2024 18:25

Can you also get some blood tests to see ensure everything is ok? In particular vitamin D. Can you drag yourself out of bed to shower, do a little walk, YouTube excercise?

I bought myself a Lumie Vitamin D lamp and it is definitely helping.

https://www.amazon.co.uk/Lumie-Vitamin-Light-Effective-Therapy/dp/B073P2WNDS/ref=mp_s_a_1_1_sspa?crid=T7PU5QEDK46Z&keywords=lumie+vitamin+l+sad+light&qid=1704651862&sprefix=lumie+vita%2Caps%2C79&sr=8-1-spons&sp_csd=d2lkZ2V0TmFtZT1zcF9waG9uZV9zZWFyY2hfYXRm&psc=1

WhatshouldIdoin2024 · 07/01/2024 18:24

I highly recommend the book How To Keep House While Drowning. It's a game changer for many struggling with mental health.

Also, prioritize lounge, kitchen and loo every day and then set one room per day to work on outside of that. You can do this. Small steps. Even 20 minute timer with a cuppa after as a reward. Get your kids involved.

Speak to council about rent. There's also a Christian debt group that have helped many too.

LauderSyme · 07/01/2024 18:22

I am so pleased to read your updates🤗

I read your post when you had about 6 replies. I felt so bad for you and really identified with the horrible thoughts and feelings you were experiencing. I wanted to reply but didn't, I think because it felt like it brought up a lot for me and maybe also because I felt hypocritical giving advice I am not sure I can abide by!

I came back to offer my solidarity plus virtual tea and cake, and here I see you have achieved so much! Am so happy for you, this is excellent news BrewCake

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