unruly kids

@xxxJess123xxx although it may not usually be part of their bedtime routine, if a child is particularly wound up and hyper I would run a warm bath and let them play for 15 minutes (just one or two toys, nothing that hypes them up again!) Or let them relax in the bath while you read them a book. The heat usually relaxes them and calms them down, as well as just generally redirecting them if they are stuck in a groove of some kind (like having difficulty with some kind of strong emotion). A drop of lavender essential oil can also help relax and create another association with relaxation and sleep.

Sounds like things are going so much better!

How was this evening? I can see why you don't want to go outside again in the dark & cold.

Yes - even after school! Anything to get them lots of exercise and try to wear them out!

I second @Maray1967

Your five year old is my four year old. When it's the weekends we take DS out for a walk followed by the park. After school he will come home eat and we will go out anywhere. When we get home he's happy to watch tv and zone out. If I don't take him out he crawls the walls and has way too much energy for my brain to handle.

Well done.

I don't however understand why they cannot play outdoors when it's cold and snowing. Unless it's something like -9 it's not dangerous.

That sounds brilliant - well done 👏🏻 👏🏻

Well done 👍

Hopefully soon the weather will be tolerable to have them outside and that will be easier.

You'll not need to praise as much in the long run (obviously you di need to keep it up to a degree!) ...but it's a bit similar to training dogs in a way .. high praise and reward to get them to do what is needed... slowly drop rewards and praise to a minimum bit always with the positive attention etc.

Fantastic. Nobody is doing it perfectly, especially at the beginning when we’re all learning on the job, and you came from a particularly difficult starting place. You have asked for help and been super open to it and made the change. So forgive yourself a bit!

I would highly recommend parenting coaching/teaching from "Love and Logic" they are based in the USA and I was living there when I took one of their parenting classes.

It was so funny to me as so much of it seemed good old fashioned common sense, and most of it felt exactly like my mum had parented us!

It is very straightforward and extremely helpful. I learnt some gems that I used for years after.

Although we can have a bad impression of American kids I knew a lot they were lovely with great parenting.

I see now you can do courses online. As parents, especially if we didn't have good role models in can be hard without encouragement and support.
I highly recommend them, they are very straightforward and down to earth and use natural consequences as much as possible i.e. children learn from life experience and not from you having to discipline all the time.
They also gave really great advice about how to talk through things with children when they have problems at school and friendship problems where you help them problem-solve, rather than rush in and rescue.

https://www.loveandlogic.com/

Wow what an fab update! It's amazing how quickly kids can turn around too. I am sure they really feel loved by you with all the fun you had ❤️🩷

Parenting is hard and we all have disastrous days when you can't wait for it to be over! I would often find water therapy in the form of a warm bath for overwrought kids before bed could really calm them down.

Remember at the.end of one of those days: Everyone fed, nobody dead. 😂

Thats fantastic OP! And DONT beat yourself up. You're an excellent mum. You asked for help and you're trying to improve (and have by the sound of it!). What more could you do?

I'm the PP with 2 boys with ADHD. Diagnosed aged 9 and 7. Believe me I have felt crap about how I "let them down" (the diagnosis for DS1 was a huge surprise). But we've muddled through and things are so much better now.

Your children are unique. They didn't come with a manual. It's not like you were told what to do and ignored it! Some methods might work, some might not. But the important thing is to try, and also to see the fact that you are trying.

What a lovely update! It will be a bumpy road ahead but lots more positivity for all

It’s only your fault if you don’t see the issue or refuse to do something about it .

Recognizing the issue is half the battle. Keep going.

I think you need someone to tell you how great you’ve been today - you’ve made a dofffernce to those children already. Imagine what a week will achieve or a month!

Keep going.

@xxxJess123xxx

That sounds really positive. DS always used to play footie indoors with one of those IKEA footballs & I used to sit for ages throwing it to him while he was in goal. Hide & seek sounds fab 🙌🏻

Keep on OP, remember it's going to take time and not every day will be good. But you will all reap the rewards of a better, positive and more open relationship with your kids who don't need to act up to get noticed. And they'll be the kids that come and find you to help them when things go wrong, not the kids that hide stuff from you for fear of reprimand.

Just read the update (patchy internet seemed to not load the pages properly) - how lovely! So pleased, OP!

My DS is! It’s common. Be warned the process is long, but support can be given prior to diagnosis (especially if school get onside). Our school gives support based on the improvements I see at home because they don’t see the difference in him having putty in class (due to masking), but we see a much calmer child at the end of the school day coming home!

As a suggestion, have you tried the token system? It works really well with my DS when a lot of other reward charts didn’t. We’ve also lowered demands in some instances, which has worked well. Lots of exercise can be really helpful, so we are an all-weather family and (if poss for you) can they do sports groups that appeal?

We do all the normal parenting stuff and have strong boundaries, but for us many of the recommended standard techniques simply didn’t work. Sleep, for example, can be difficult, so we use a combination of down regulation, strong chamomile tea and a weighted blanket. It doesn’t take away his restlessness or inability to sleep but it has reduced the get-ups and increased the likelihood of him falling asleep a lot. I also bring fiddle toys and putty to shops, so there is less impulsive/mindless picking up and running off. Equally, the token system comes in handy there. My ds used to run into people! It didn’t matter how many times he was reminded - he’s grown out of that now, but it was like he didn’t see them.

We also do a lot of talking about feelings, emotions and socially appropriate behaviour in calm moments. We use books or tv programmes or just real life as prompts to explain why you might do a certain action or how something is a kind and positive thing (or not). PACE has been helpful for us (Playfulness, Acceptance, Curiosity, Empathy). Obviously, there are situations where you’d sort it first (eg. Smacking a sibling) but we’d then help them explore the feeling when they were calmer as well as reinforcing a boundary.

Don’t give up OP. Try new things, seek assessment for ADHD if you feel it fits your DC and find out about the support prior to diagnosis in your area. Parenting is not always the root of the problem, but the way we parent can make big positive changes (even if we get a few raised eyebrows along the way).

Amazing 😃

I have two boys and mornings used to be so hectic. I wrote a short list of hands, face, teeth and clothes and stuck it on the bathroom cabinet. They like to follow it and if they forget what they have to do next (I still oversee them to make sure teeth are done properly etc) then they like to check it themselves.

Praise for the small things like sharing, putting shoes on, carrying the plate to sink, getting ready etc...

Supermarkets used to be a nightmare for while. Running off together and being so loud. I tend to online shop now but it helped to give them both a task. X can you look and tell me when you see the oranges, Y can you help me put the stuff in the basket when I hand it to you. They love helping load it onto the till now. Give them a short list of 3/4 items and it keeps them occupied.

I'd try to involve them in elements of ordinary life like grocery shopping - even if you don't bring them with you to do the actual shopping they can still be involved in creating a shopping list, putting groceries away, checking items off the list as they're putting them away, etc.