Be brutal! I need it!

I’d say chuck him back but then some other unfortunate soul would find him. Bin him now. He’s a selfish prick.

You'll also notice that MN is full of women who put up with such shit from me, and have children. The children see the relationship and go on to repeat the dynamic in their own adult relationships.

They watched their mothers partnered with "usless human beings" and feel they deserve no more, and that's what makes them unable to identify whether it's "normal" or not, because to them, it is familiar and normal, and what it looks like.

And on it goes.

You have the power in you to make your life happy again.

Every post you have made today is full of excuses and 'confusion'. I tell you now you are not confused, you know this relationship is bad for the following reasons:

1. He financially abuses you, when you aren't in a good place financially to start with.

1. He had no compassion when you directly begged him to come with you to A and E, and he let you walk home!

1. He has not been remorseful to this fact, but instead has decided that the issue is money and he solves that by taking away one of your assets sell it and use that to 'help'.

1. You are behaving in an extreme people pleasing way to avoid conflict and it's attracting the most selfish of society who are hell bent on abusing your hood nature.

1. Fear of being alone and starting again. This is your greatest stumbling block to happiness.

So in the kindness of ways consider yourself unconfused and in the know!

Use this wisedom to empower yourself to make good decisions for your life.

1. Go and seek medical attention tomorrow morning whether it be a GP or A and E and follow it through ( I personally have been avoiding the signs of bowel cancer I have them all, I can't handle it so the past month I have been pretending they aren't there- using every excuse known to man. I watched Bates versus the Post Office today- I was in bits by the end and it pushed me to act- next Friday 2pm have secured a doctors appointment)

1. Tell him to leave immediately. Pack his stuff, get rid. He will do the following, convince you that he's an amazing guy and he has seen the light of change (fyi he already knew he was fleecing you which is why he offered to sell your ring) so this is bs (put head phones in play white noise zone the crap out), then he will blame you and this is when you ignore his shit again, do not internalise any of his crap, then he will try to wear you down and confuse you.... there is no way you can be confused see above 👆. Then close the door and change the locks. Block him on everything.

1. Emotionally recover by doing the things that make you feel good, food, exercise, hobbies TV, books, posts!

1. Do the freedom program it's online it's free it will open your eyes.

1. Take up a hobby that gets you out of the house and meeting people (personally I love quilting, embroidery 🧵)

You have the strength, the power, the knowledge, the tenacity, the kindness to be happy again x please take care of yourself x

Very good point. It is likely there will be someone on this thread close enough to take or collect you. I hope you’re ok op.

I was just going to say same. When you're short of cash and you've got a parasite hanger on then things are bad.

Also, OP I don't know if you're aware of this but if you're on benefits and subsidising the lifestyle of a man who isn't contributing to you then that is actually technically benefit fraud. The DWP are funding you for your specific situation. Not him. Use your money for yourself and get well. Also, see if you're entitled to low cost transport / a bus pass or whatever maybe?

OP what part of the country do you live in please? I'd gladly pick you up and take you to (and from) hospital if you were anywhere nearby. No doubt others on this thread would too if needed.

Why is MN full of women who put up with such shit from men?

What sort of childhoods have they had to feel they deserve no more than these useless human beings in their lives?

Not a day goes by without a woman somewhere on MN posting about how badly she's being treated, yet questions if it's 'normal' .

What's happening to girls in schools as part of their education if they grow up accepting behaviour like this? Not to mention their parents.

Are they all scared to be without a man? Any man?

Ok, being brutal - you did ask!

Why are you tolerating this? If you have been in an abusive relationship before (and I'm sorry that you were) why are you not setting your expectations higher?

These excuses from him are utter bullsh*t. You know it, we know it. Your relationship isn't hanging by a thread, it's done. And you shouldn't want to rescue it either. If he can't be there for you in the worst of times, he doesn't deserve to be there for the best of times.

Oh, and don't be leaving hospital in that state again and just walking home. That's intentionally making yourself vulnerable. Treat yourself better both with this and with who you choose to let into your life.

Oh my lovely, you come across so much stronger than you can ever imagine. I’m so sorry for all you’ve experienced. You deserve to feel and be supported and loved. And you will be in a relationship where you feel that. Well done for showing good boundaries. He should feel ashamed of himself. You, in contrast, should feel proud of your strength. Your self-worth has kicked in. You really do deserve more and I wish you all the very best for the future because you really do deserve good things.💐

Sorry for the posts but...do you ever feel you are looking in on your life from the outside?

The way you post is sometimes like reading a book, as if you are making rather dramatic points, but also not being emotionally honest.

A relationship hangs in the balance is one example.

It's like the lead-in to a story.

So your ex boyfriend (!) pays nothing towards the flat but runs up debt on credit cards.

Where does his income go?

Have you never, ever questioned the unfairness of the arrangement?

How old are you both?

Saying you can't drive but also don't know anyone who drives is unusual.

Are your parents not around or any friend who could help you?

If not, you sound very isolated which may be a reason you grab useless men, to ease your loneliness.

I know it's easy to say and maybe now is not the right time, but there's a lot you can look forward to doing.

Succeeding at work
Learning to drive (it's a life skill)
Making friends
Getting some therapy to help your self worth.

If the pain becomes excruciating again I will definitely go back to the hospital. Thank you. The only issue is I can't afford a taxi so walking is my only option but I will try. Honestly thank you for your honesty and your response x

In your earlier posts you said you were managing ok on benefits and about to go back to work.

In other posts, you said your BF used his income to pay off his credit card debts and contributed very little to the running of your home. Just 'throwing you some cash' towards the electric.

If he's still there, you need to make him pay more for living with you.
Then you should be able to afford a taxi.

Like I said at the start, he's been a dick and there's no excuse for his behaviour. But in addition to him being a dick, you also made an already bad situation unnecessarily worse for yourself.

This

In addition, you send out a lot of mixed messages and you have martyr tendencies. Add that to an emotionally illiterate bf, it’s very unlikely that your emotional wants can be met by this point.

if you insist on staying in this relationship then you will have to learn to say what you mean and mean what you say. Martyrdom and a stupid bf has brought you here.

Most of the comments, as far as I have seen, have been supportive. Even the ones that did not entirely agree with everything that you have said have been supportive of you (though I may have missed those that were overly critical).

I do n't think it's negative to say that you should not have discharged yourself, it's a risky thing to do. Especially when saying well done for dumping him as he's leaching off you. Good luck.

The discharging yourself was really dangerous and you need to think about why you would do something that dangerous.

Abused women are trained to carry on and put others first, even when their health, or indeed their life, is in danger. She has been in an abusive relationship at least twice so she has been "excellently " trained. OP - you need to get therapy to get de-trained, basically de-cult yourself. I hope you are going back to hospital today and putting yourself first.

Good that you have ended it. But you told him not to come to the hospital more than once. Mixed messages from you. The bigger issue is that he's been financially using you.

The discharging yourself was really dangerous and you need to think about why you would do something that dangerous.

This is what I did, except with a normal blanket, when my husband was in a and e during covid. I thought it was normal partnership behaviour.

OP, you need to prioritise yourself. 💐

The reason you didn't have taxi money was you were subbing your leech of a boyfriend. You might find you have a lot more cash from now on. I hope you are feeling much better now. Spoil yourself x

You don’t have to list why your breaking up with your partner nor why you want him to move out, to stop him trying to make out he will change or let him make out it’s somehow your fault he didn’t come to the hospital just say you don’t love him. Don’t worry about hurting his feeling, he will only be panicking that he has to move out and have to start pay paying out so will be professing his love hoping you will feel guilty and change your mind.

Fucking hell, you sound nice. Any more rules for how the OP should behave so as to meet your expectations?

He keeps saying he thinks differently to me and he will change. We've had multiple conversations like this

OP, those two sentences contradict each other. He's going to change and yet you have multiple conversations about it. Why should he change? he's got everything he needs and wants with you martyring yourself. He's a leech.

And if he 'will' change, when's he going to start and when will you know he's changed?

It's not worth your time. effort and health.