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AIBU?

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Original poster

When someone reads your message and doesn’t reply

40 replies

Ivyside · 03/01/2024 19:55

Group invite for child’s party, people have read it a several hours ago today and not replied, aibu to assume they aren’t coming then? Whenever I get an invite to something I will always reply as soon as I read it, am I being over sensitive here?

OP posts:
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Namechangeforpostttt · 04/01/2024 01:07

Youcannotbeseriousreally · 03/01/2024 19:59

Do yourself a favour and permanently turn off the read / delivered alerts.

it will change your life.

This.

It has changed my life completely for the better. Even turned off my 'active' on Facebook so I can't see if someone's online. The only thing I have kept on is the blue ticks on WhatsApp. I've muted a few people too.

norfolkjmummy788 · 04/01/2024 00:03

Ivyside · 03/01/2024 19:55

Group invite for child’s party, people have read it a several hours ago today and not replied, aibu to assume they aren’t coming then? Whenever I get an invite to something I will always reply as soon as I read it, am I being over sensitive here?

They might be at work then driving etc etc

Joeslaol19 · 03/01/2024 23:45

I sometimes read a message and forget to reply or I reply but realise days later I didn’t press send! If only today,I really wouldn’t worry.
Am so glad that my children are so old that WhatsApp didn’t exist! I just spoke to parents at school and chased up if necessary.

MuckyPlucky · 03/01/2024 23:37

Deary me 🙄

pizzaHeart · 03/01/2024 23:35

You are overthinking massively, it’s been this morning doesn’t change anything. Some people might wait for going back to school if they want to check something with you or other parents e.g length, food, drop off/ pick up etc.
Some people are busy with family things and have very packed schedules over holidays so they will only sit and do planning when DC are back to school/ nurseries.

Beckafett · 03/01/2024 23:28

SemperIdem · 03/01/2024 23:14

They might need to check if the child can attend with a Co-parent because it falls in their time or similar.

This is what I was going to reply. I am the person who replies almost immediately when read if possible but if it's not my day then I can't.

SemperIdem · 03/01/2024 23:14

They might need to check if the child can attend with a Co-parent because it falls in their time or similar.

SandyWaves · 03/01/2024 23:12

Send a message in the morning saying sorry, i forgot to add the RSVP date, it is XXXX. Do that in the morning.

Then leave it. You will get responses but be patient, it's only been a day! Many parents will not even bother to RSVP. Don't be upset about that, no manners.

Next time, send individual invites and not group. People wait to see who responds/who is or isn't going. That's savvy!

idontlikealdi · 03/01/2024 21:23

I respond when I'm ready. I'm not beholden to WhatsApp.

I aways reply within given timeframes.

It's like asking for read receipts on email, I will never accept one

Motherrr · 03/01/2024 20:50

Yes I'm afraid you're definitely overthinking. I hate this kind of pressure- sometimes I read something but I'm with my kids, sometimes I click by accident, sometimes I'm exhausted or just don't have time to make a proper reply that second - give people a chance!

JacketAndJumpet · 03/01/2024 20:40

“Thank you to everyone who has replied. To those who haven’t yet, please could you let me know by Friday. Thanks!”

(Doesn’t matter if no one has actually replied- they could have done it privately. Best to create a sense that prompt replies are what everyone is doing.)

Ohnotyoutoo · 03/01/2024 20:39

I like to check with DH before agreeing to go to a party. Message them again tomorrow if you want to press, and give them a date to RSVP.

EmmaEmerald · 03/01/2024 20:37

Today, I switched off Whatsapp notifications, except for really close people.

I've always had privacy switched on so people don't get read receipts.

I prefer to check it when it suits me. If something is urgent, people will call.

a party invite needs checking with more than one diary, probably.

Schoolchoicesucks · 03/01/2024 20:36

MargaretThursday · 03/01/2024 20:02

Lots of reasons why people don't respond straight away.

They have plans that day but may be able to change them, but need to check first
They don't know if there are plans that day
They want to check their child wants to go (not all children want to go to every party, one of mine didn't like certain types)
They can't take their child that day so want to see if someone else can take them/life share
It's Dad's day so they are asking him first
They've got another party for one of their other children and are trying to see if they can work both in
They can come, but their dc doesn't like to be left, and they're on their own with 3 dc so need to find child care for the others.

Don't worry!

All of this, or they're at work and will reply later once they're home.

Far too soon to be making assumptions they they won't come.

Gowlett · 03/01/2024 20:34

I glance, then reply later when I have time.

betterangels · 03/01/2024 20:32

Jessforless · 03/01/2024 20:27

Just send a message tomorrow PM saying ‘thanks for the replies - could everyone else let me know by XXX as I need to book’

Yeah, do this. YABU to think people will reply same day, though. Same for any invitation, really.

kitsuneghost · 03/01/2024 20:29

I would get back to you in a few days after I have checked everyone's commitments. Especially if it means working round other kids

Jessforless · 03/01/2024 20:27

Just send a message tomorrow PM saying ‘thanks for the replies - could everyone else let me know by XXX as I need to book’

Original poster
Ivyside · 03/01/2024 20:25

Ok so general consensus is I’m being over sensitive, that’s fair enough. The original message was earlier today so not just an hour ago, my child is actually having two separate parties instead of one big one this year, which sounds elaborate and there is a reason for that which I won’t bore you with as it isn’t relevant. Anyway the other group was pretty much instant replies, then this other group all have read and only three replies. It’s not my first party, I have more than one child and have arranged many parties over the years. Genuinely in the past have always had people who’ve read the message reply fairly shortly after, even if it’s just to say they will check with partner. But I guess I’ve always just been fortunate in the past in that respect, clearly it’s not the norm.

OP posts:
Aliaolo · 03/01/2024 20:18

I would possibly want to check with DP (who can't always answer instantly if working) or other family members if the invitation was only for one child, and I needed childcare. Sometimes I'll read but be busy so will reply later even if I have the answer straight away.
A few hours isn't much time, I'd wait a few days at least, then send a reminder that you need to confirm final numbers for venue/catering/whatever.

magneticmoon · 03/01/2024 20:18

*called not cussed!

HereBeFuckery · 03/01/2024 20:17

They were out? Seeing people and not wanting to be attached to devices? Driving? We had to do a last minute school shoe shop today (had to go miles to find anything), and there were 31 WhatsApp messages when we had finished. I can't reply when I'm trying to persuade a recalcitrant child to properly try shoes while holding bags and coats!

magneticmoon · 03/01/2024 20:17

Ha. I sent out invites in mid December to a party in late January and parents not yet bothered to reply, except a few. Those I've cussed definitely have it, just seem to think I should telepathically know their child is/not attending. It's pretty annoying.

But an hour or so - YABU

mottytotty · 03/01/2024 20:14

Always give a deadline.

Follow up with one now.

MsCactus · 03/01/2024 20:13

I'd never reply same day - would need to read it, then go check with DH, kids, work, diary etc.

If they haven't replied in a week I'd send another message with an rsvp date