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Original poster

Visitors & house share

35 replies

Wheelymeals · 02/01/2024 11:26

An elderly lady has a son (in his 40s) who lives some distance away. She wanted to visit him where he lives.

The son apparently lives in a houseshare with 3-4 other gentlemen. I understand that he has an ensuite room and a shared living room and kitchen. The landlord does not live with them.

The son told his mother that his contract stipulates that he is not allowed any visitors at any time.

Is this even legal?

OP posts:
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TimetoPour · 03/01/2024 15:11

I don’t see why it wouldn’t be legal and in the case of a HMO I think it actually makes sense. It could be very awkward and uncomfortable for some people having random guests coming and going. A blanket “no guests” solves the problem.

HappyHamsters · 03/01/2024 15:02

If he had to work then he wouldn't have seen her anyway so the visiting rule is not relevant unless she planned to stay. Maybe he visited her during the hols, did you see her at all for a drink.

Original poster
Wheelymeals · 03/01/2024 11:38

I didn't say anything to her as it's not my place to say anything anyway. She just said she was on her own for Christmas as Son had to work and he told her he is not allowed visitors at his house share.

OP posts:
WiddlinDiddlin · 03/01/2024 11:00

There may be a no visitors rule. Or he may have good reason for not wanting her to come in - some of the residents are arseholes - his room is tiny with nowhere to sit but the bed - he doesn't want her realising he lives in a tiny cramped HMO as it would upset her - the house is minging and awful but its all he can afford and he doesn't want to upset her.

Leave well alone, do NOT tell her he is lying to her as even if he is, it might be for good reason!

littlegrebe · 03/01/2024 10:50

Unless the son has form for not treating his mother well I would assume he's embarrassed by the state of the house or one/some of his housemates are the sort of person he wouldn't want his mum to have to be around.

Shinyandnew1 · 03/01/2024 10:45

I think that the son made up this rule so as not to have mum over, which is very sad.

Well, you don’t know that. I’d stay out of it and if she asks your opinion, suggest again that he comes to her or they meet half way at a cafe.

moonbeammagic · 03/01/2024 10:41

Maybe the environment just isn't suitable for his elderly mother. Some shared houses, can be pretty grim. Perhaps he just doesn't want her to see it.

LoobyDop · 03/01/2024 10:11

It’s really awkward when someone in a house share has a parent round- it effectively means nobody else can use the living room while they’re there. I don’t think it’s unreasonable of them if they’ve agreed that they all take guests out, rather than disrupt everyone else’s day.

Original poster
Wheelymeals · 03/01/2024 09:54

I totally get the no overnight guests rule. I find it extreme that someone is not allowed day visitors. I think that the son made up this rule so as not to have mum over, which is very sad.

OP posts:
ImCamembertTheBigCheese · 03/01/2024 07:44

Maybe there is nowhere for day visitors to go other than the person's room or the kitchen.

RichardMarxisinnocent · 03/01/2024 07:42

Housewife2010 · 03/01/2024 07:06

All these constant comments re overnight guests! The OP has said the mother doesn't want to stay overnight. The issue is with her visiting during the day. To me, it does seem restrictive if a tenant cannot have a daytime visitor.

I agree. The houseshares i have been in all said no overnight guests which seems fair enough, none of them have said no visitors at all - that seems very extreme.

Housewife2010 · 03/01/2024 07:06

All these constant comments re overnight guests! The OP has said the mother doesn't want to stay overnight. The issue is with her visiting during the day. To me, it does seem restrictive if a tenant cannot have a daytime visitor.

determinedtomakethiswork · 03/01/2024 07:05

I think this is just his excuse, and whatever reason he doesn't want her to see where he lives. I'm sure if he or one of the housemates met someone they would have her back there as quick as anything.

ImCamembertTheBigCheese · 03/01/2024 07:00

It is legal. The issue is with houseshares, occasionally a person moves in then they will try and move their partner in by stealth for no extra money. It starts with one night per week, then 2 etc. This puts a strain on the resources and space in the house. Easier to ban it altogether.

PBandJ111 · 03/01/2024 06:37

The son is lying. It would be crazy to not permit visitors.

Ohmylovejune · 03/01/2024 03:12

You have to imagine what it would be like if they all did it. And people always seem to push boundaries.

It's unlikely they'd be all that bothered about one elderly Mum for coffee, unless they use the lounge for wfh, but if the rule didn't exist it would allow for friends to be there all day and some would push that to the max. So, like many of lifes rules, poor Mum misses out as a result.

Personally I'd probably have asked the others if they minded and gave the reasons. Chances are a couple wouldn't be there anyway at Christmas. Or he should travel back to see her.

DwightDFlysenhower · 02/01/2024 23:56

I completely understand the no overnight guests rules, but I still think a "no visitors at all" rule is bonkers. It's not a normal way to live.

What do you do if you've forgotten your purse, or want to bob back in for a coat or a quick wee, leave your friend on the doorstep?

WickDittington · 02/01/2024 19:27

I should think there are specific rules about visitors in a shared house, because otherwise girlfriends or boyfriends could be settled in with no agreement or discussion with other residents. It’s their house, too.

I’m sure his mother can find a nearby guesthouse, hotel, or B&B.

MrsSkylerWhite · 02/01/2024 18:58

All fine and dandy until every tenant wants visitors on the same day.
Awkward for other residents. If she’s not very well, can’t imagine that she’d want to travel/visit/spend the day with a group of strangers anyway.

Serencwtch · 02/01/2024 18:57

I've had several house shares including in council HMO. They have all stated 'no overnight guests' in the contracts so definitely legal & very common

Original poster
Wheelymeals · 02/01/2024 18:54

Thank you all for commenting. The elderly lady is a neighbour. She is quite lonely and not very well. I try to help when I can.

Her son was working over Christmas and could not come visit her. So, she suggested that she visited him instead. He said he was not allowed visitors. It was not her staying overnight, just her visiting him where he lives.

I have not been in a house share in a very long time, and I thought it was not even legal to have this clause in a contract.

OP posts:
roarrfeckingroar · 02/01/2024 13:28

Absolutely legal and not that uncommon. Must be pretty awful living somewhere so restrictive.

HauntyHoose · 02/01/2024 12:22

Plenty of house shares say no overnight guests.

DwightDFlysenhower · 02/01/2024 12:15

I've heard of no overnight guests, but not being able to have somebody in for a cup of coffee or to collect a book or something seems very over the top!

tescocreditcard · 02/01/2024 12:12

He doesn't want her there but it sounds really unsuitable anyway. Can she stay on a local hotel instead?