To not work

The thing is, OP, that you do work. You work from 2.30 to the end of bedtime (8 or 9pm?) parenting. Plus, I expect you probably also run the house - clean, shop for food, admin, etc. Many people have to fit in this same job of parenting and house-running around a full- or part-time day doing a different job, and this can leave them tired and stressed, especially when the jobs can clash and they have to juggle to impossible extents. You have the good fortune to be able to focus on doing the one job to the best of your ability. Lucky you. Don't let anyone (including yourself) put you down or make you feel guilty or ashamed. Your work is just as valuable.

Reality is people will judge. You have to learn not to care. Or lie.

I’m 47 and child free. I hope to retire at 50.

My best friend’s parents retired at 55 and they lied to people. They found when they said that they were retiring, people judged them openly and they just couldn’t be arsed with it. So only really good friends were told when they actually did it. They had questions from neighbours as working at home wasn’t a thing then but they were leaving the house enough to claim they were part time.

I’ll probably say I’m studying if I have to explain myself to anyone when the time comes.

I did 60 hour weeks in my 20s and 30s. I’m still catching up with TV that my peers saw decades ago! I had 2 - 3 hours commute till 2016. If anyone did judge, I think I’ve done my time!

I dunno about the financial side when you’re married but as long as you’re okay in the event of a split, or DH being ill or changing profession etc, don’t worry.

Don't feel guilty op. You've nothing to feel guilty about. You're doing a sterling contribution which works for your family, including yourself, and you're allowed to include yourself in the happiness counts list.
just because you're not working 9-5 (with lunch) you're still actually working 7-9 and then 3-8. Same.

Your life sounds ... like my dream? Just amazing, really lovely ( and I can hear you're sincerely grateful)
IMO you are not being unreasonable at all. As a SAHM you need some of this down time, fill your cup, so you can fill your children's cups. God knows you've put in all that time, energy and effort.
I'm sure you've sacrificed an awful lot and now it's all being given back to you in some shape or form for you to have something for you.
Don't worry about anybody and how anything looks. It's about you and yours.

Oh wind your neck in Rory.

I'm in the same position as you, but one evening my husband was almost killed in a car crash by a crazy driver and it got me thinking. So I set up self employed work to earn a little bit of money just so I knew I could at least pay the mortgage.

I was in your position and got a part time, term time job. It’s perfect hours, but I don’t earn very much and it has definitely created extra pressures that I didn’t have before. I’m trying to think that long-term I’ll be grateful to be in such a role (once the children don’t need me as much), but I’d be lying if I said I didn’t miss my free mornings to exercise etc, prep for things, make meals, meet friends for coffee etc.

OP sounds like you need to fill your days but working isn't the only solution. Not conforming to the 9-5 rat race doesn't make you boring.

Maybe look into learning something new at your pace, sewing, painting, an instrument etc Atleast that will eliminate your worry of people judging you for being boring in conversation.

I would never work a day in my life if possible so i'm a bit jealous but not judging.

Absolutely you are not being unreasonable! My DCs are still pre school but plenty of people (including senior colleagues) have warned me that the harder juggle begins when children start school and you have the short school days and term times to contend with, rather than full time nursery or whatever. In fact just y’day I was chatting to a nursery mum friend who said she was seriously considering giving up her 4day pw job when her daughter stays school next year. Please don’t feel embarrassed, you are doing valuable and hard work!

If you don't need the money why not volunteer a couple of mornings a week?

If money not an issue, why not do some voluntary work ?
Gives you an extra dimension to your life, helps others, and hours to suit.

It's fine if you totally trust your husband.

If you end up divorced though you'll be in a very harsh situation not earning anything.

I see it time and time again on here with women sacrificing and being the SAHM to be properly shafted later in life.

I don't think you should feel guilty - sounds as if you're doing a good job for your family. But for your own mental stimulation and satisfaction you might want to find something. I was in your position (kind of) and found a role I really enjoyed working part-time at the school. Then I retrained and work self-employed. Have a look at Upwork - there's a huge variety of projects on there that you might enjoy. Then at least you could say "I work part-time" to the nosy people. But do it for you, not them.

@Whattodo112222 and the financial independence can come through cleaning in the mornings? Did you read where she said her slow pace mornings give her the energy to deal with the afternoons and evenings? So how is a stressful cleaning job putting her in a better position. Again. Absurd suggestion.

Don't feel guilty if it works for you and you are comfortable financially! I work part time and personally that's the right balance for me, I love my 3 days in work but also need the 2 days at home to get caught up with life admin etc and also have some downtime for me.

Don't worry about what others think or what their lives look like, the only thing that matters is how things work for your family.

Your family can make the choice they can fund .

If you are happy not working and don't need to, don't!
I'd LOVE to have DC free time to do all the boring stuff (housework, meal prep etc) so I could fully enjoy when he's home. So I might look at you enviously, but never with judgement!

I am lucky that I work in a school and have the holidays with him at least 🥰

You'll regret living your life for fear of being judged. If it works for you and your family, just enjoy what you're doing and stop worrying about other people's perception of your lifestyle.

Do what works for you and your family. It's hard having one parent away a lot, I know I'd hate it! Make the most of not needing to work and don't worry about what others are saying - if they're saying anything, it could well just be in your head. If people are judging, they're more than likely jealous so leave them to it. The reality is that if a lot of people had the option to not work, they'd take it and make their lives that bit easier and less of a rush. You crack on and enjoy it!!

Not really..
I thoroughly enjoy cleaning.
Op might too.
It was a suggestion.
Money might not be an issue, but being a SAHM is putting yourself in a vulnerable position, particularly if you're not working.
I know OP is married, but nevertheless, she may want to feel some sense of financial independence away from her husband providing for everything. I obviously can't be sure, but it was literally just a suggestion and doesn't warrant you stamping all over it.

I'm jealous! Your life does sound nice (possibly a bit boring & repetitive) so if you have the means to continue as you are, I say crack on. I'm sure no-one is judging you.