To not work

"I am very lucky that I will be able to support myself financially with savings and investments."

This is the important thing. You're in an incredibly rare position, and fortunate in that you're both financially secure and able to live the quiet-ish life that suits you.

You've mentioned a couple of times that people think you're dull. I wonder if this means you think you're dull, or are starting to feel that way? You do seem to be sitting on an unused intellect. Ever thought about doing further studies, studying something different, or using your earlier expertise in some advisory role?

Everybody needs a lively mind. Is yours asking you to wake it up a bit, perhaps?

My husband works late and is away a lot so it's usually just me with then until bedtime

Would your DH benefit from being around the dc more & vice versa? My DH took a less demanding role once we had dc. Obviously this impacts income but I think it’s great for us to both be there for the dc.

No judgement at all from me, you do you. It’s not boring or weird, it is the life you have chosen and it works for you.
Would I do it? Absolutely not. Your entire financial situation is dependent on your husband. And, if he chose to bobby off with Brenda from accounts, where would you be? A million threads on here demonstrate how difficult SAHM find it if that happens. So, if I was you, I would look into building a career part time. Find something that you enjoy, get the relevant qualifications and go for it. You more than likely will never need it but it will build your self esteem, your independence and give you something for you, that’s isn’t family or home related.

If I didn't need to work, cleaning somebody else's house would not be my first choice of job!

Well they would sell their house and OP would get half so that should be fine? I don't understand on MN when people make out like all men are scum and would leave you and take everything. It's not to say to be naive, but I'm sure OP has also thought about this and isn't stupid

@Evanna13 If you enjoy studying, maybe an OU course purely for pleasure would be good? Never feel guilty about not working or other people's unasked for opinions. Enjoy what makes you happy :)

Your answers are all about ‘we’. You need to think about ‘you’. How can you support yourself and your children. Having a quiet nature doesn’t mean food and shelter etc are magically free. If you didn’t like what you did for a living before, take the opportunity of your free daytimes to retrain.

I'd enjoy your current lifestyle but also make sure I could enter the workplace fairly easily should I need to, relationships breakdown, breadwinners get ill or injured etc.
Possibly retraining, doing some ICT course programming, excel etc whatever level you are at. Volunteering is good as that means youll have references

OP, forget all the judgement, it's nothing to do with anyone else.

If you have the time to volunteer, why not become a school governor? I was a SAHM for years but volunteered on the governing body of my kids school and the training courses with certification were endless.

It really filled up my CV and I learned so many transferable skills for when I did eventually get back into work, when my youngest started senior school.

The only thing I'd add is make sure you have a social side (if this is something you want), so you do have friends and/or hobbies aside from your family.

Why should you feel guilty. If you can afford it and don't want to work, don't. It also means you're home for your kids and taking care of the house so I'm sure it works well for everyone.

Your life, as do you, sounds absolutely lovely OP. Do what makes you happy and what makes your life easier. It sounds like you’re perfectly contented with your life, don’t worry about what other people may think, nobody judges you, they may be envious however but that’s ok.

Agree with all the above but what happens if your husband can no longer support you for whatever reason? You don’t need to answer, just something for you to reflect on.

No judgment with this question… What’s your plan B? If it all goes tits up tomorrow what will do to support your family?

I have zero risk tolerance for not being able to support myself so I couldn’t be comfortable in your position. At the same time I’m not saying that it’s not the right decision for your family.

With that being said… what is your plan B? (You don’t need to tell me …but you should have one!)

It wouldn't be for me - not working while my kids are at school - as I'd need more to my life. I don't want to be defined solely as a mother or homemaker. And I'm not going to lie, I'd be a bit embarrassed too (that's just me, I'm not judging you).
Also, I've discovered (to my cost!) that marriages aren't necessarily forever, and I don't want to be financially dependent on a man.

Why don't you try out a part-time job? It could be that it's being at home that makes you low energy. A job could give you a brand new lease of life!

Oh, and before I returned to the world of work, I did a course for women going back to work. It was free, excellent, mornings only, and really helped with CVs/thinking about what you want.

Good luck!

I think if it would add to your stress, then there probably wouldn't be any benefit?

I'm also a sahm to school age children (8 and 5) with a husband who works long hours in a job he's obsessed with.

I've compromised slightly by doing something related to my previous career on an ad hoc basis for the Local Authority so I earn some money. I also do a lot of voluntary work that I enjoy plus I'm studying for degree number 3 part time. However none of those things cause me any stress. Are there any part time college or university courses you fancy?

I'd like a "proper" job but my mental health seems to get worse as I get older and any attempt to seek help from the GP gets "I'll refer you back to psychiatry" given previous diagnoses of PTSD and GAD which really isn't useful.

Ultimately if you and your dh are happy with your lifestyle, who cares what anyone else thinks.

Ignore the judgey people but if you ever get bored or circumstances change, but you don't have the energy for a whole job, freelance or part time remote / online work could be an option too if you know how to find it. It's great for me as an introvert who still needs some challenge & stimulation.

I would be most concerned about a marriage breakdown, chronic illness or job loss.

Good insurance can help with some things so definitely ensure you know the details of these policies. We're affected by chronic illness that came on fairly recently and luckily DH's employer has been very understanding but there's a chance he could ultimately lose his job. I'm now working full time and secured a pay rise so I can just about afford the house costs myself if necessary (and with everything cut to the bone). Our life/critical illness cover doesn't include his chronic illness though.

But if DH is earning enough that you have the best insurance and significant savings, plus you say you have a pension in place, then I wouldn't worry about being at home.

Would you be interested in part time study or volunteering/work experience towards a job when your DC are a bit older? Don’t worry about what other people think OP, do what works for your family.

Can you volunteer anywhere in your community? That can help with confidence etc

It's your life OP, do what feels right for yourself and your family. Haters gonna hate. Best of luck.

You'd be surprised how boring to you is exciting to one person. For example imagine knitting and selling your pieces on Etsy. Or starting an anonymous blog on knitting.

But seriously you need to also stop referring to yourself as boring. You think not having a paid income means you should not have self esteem? People will judge no matter what!!!!

Enjoy your lifestyle now and in the years when your kids are fully out of the house then you can revisit the topic of what to occupy your time with.