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New Lodger - Need a rant

87 replies

InstantDestiny · 01/01/2024 20:31

Please be kind, I need a bit of a hand hold tbh.

So new lodger moved in NYE eve.

Got references but it’s very quickly transpired that he’s actually off on long term sick as he’s relapsed, in a nutshell.

He’s in recovery from alcohol and has been drinking and using crack all over Xmas ( he told me this after he moved in and I kind of guessed anyway as used to work in this field and have had my own issues).

Last night he was about but drank a huge amount (of my booze - which is fine) and was all over the place.

I smoke but never in my house (as I hate the smell/my house and clothes stinking of it) which he is aware of and I woke up to basically him having smoked in his bedroom all night and the house absolutely stinking. He also smokes roll ups which remind me of that addiction small and NHS’s not changed his clothes or showered since last Thursday.

So that “addict” smell along with the cigarette smell it drifting into the rest of the house. He has also payed me less than half of the deposit as he changed moving in day.

I have addressed the smoking and told him it’s totally unacceptable under any circumstances and if he uses illegal drugs here he will have to leave.

He has apologised saying he’s in a bad place but it’s put me in an anxious, shit place at the beginning of a new year where I have had my own issues.

ARGH.

OP posts:
Reindeerlighthouse · 01/01/2024 22:35

WTF have I just read?! Why on earth would you even consider having this man as your lodger? Are you female? If so, I’d have someone with you if you give him notice. I couldn’t live like this as a grown woman, my house would feel like a druggy hostel.

spiralBells · 01/01/2024 22:32

Yes, absolutely, tell him to leave. It's terrible that he's relapsed but you need to look out for yourself. If he's on crack it's one step away from all sorts of stuff going wrong. And I have known crack users so talking from a place of experience, not bigotry.

Tacotortoise · 01/01/2024 22:29

InstantDestiny · 01/01/2024 22:00

There is an addict smell.

I know, I was one.

Then it's even more important that you don't live with one. Give him a week's notice and get him out.

Herehare · 01/01/2024 22:11

I’m almost always on the side of lodgers in these things and am also very in favour of understanding people with addiction and not jumping straight to tough love and hard lines. And not even for one second in reading this did I think you should do anything other than get this man out of your house as fast as possible. For so many reasons, but above all it’s not looking after yourself as someone with similar issues in the past to be living in that kind of chaos and surrounded by triggers. Tell him to leave nicely, and if he doesn’t then tell him less nicely that the police will soon be involved if he doesn’t.

StripeyDeckchair · 01/01/2024 22:11

He needs to go now.
Hes just moved in & failed to pay the deposit in full, drank your booze & smoked in your house.
Where he goes is not your problem - protect yourself & your home.

Theyarehere · 01/01/2024 22:11

You need him out ASAP! Have you got a friend or family member that can support you to do this incase he turns nasty? When it’s over you need to look at how this happened and why you didn’t respect yourself or your property enough to stop it straight away. Please take care and be safe.

kittensinthekitchen · 01/01/2024 22:08

Ah okay, you're the coke-taking social worker who was accused of sexual assault.

Makes sense.

TommyNever · 01/01/2024 22:06

This is an odd one. Why is it "fine" that he's drinking your booze?

kittensinthekitchen · 01/01/2024 22:04

Why would you - as a (recovering) addict - invite someone you suspect is an active addict to live in your home?

And why do you know when he last showered? Confused

Abitofalark · 01/01/2024 22:04

He moved in on New Year's Eve? Is that what you meant to write? That was yesterday. How do you know that he hasn't changed or showered since last Thursday?

Excited101 · 01/01/2024 22:03

This is your best opportunity to get rid of him.

Babymamamama · 01/01/2024 22:03

Are you for real? Has he gone yet? Do not entertain this for a second longer.

InstantDestiny · 01/01/2024 22:00

There is an addict smell.

I know, I was one.

OP posts:
stomachameleon · 01/01/2024 21:49

I think for your sake he needs to leave. He will literally be there all the time and he is already not respecting your boundaries.

Please ask him to go.

Flavabobble · 01/01/2024 21:43

He's just moved in, this is him at his best, when he should be trying to impress you - do you really think things are going to improve?

Tinkleberryz · 01/01/2024 21:41

Leaving aside the situation I can tell you didn’t work with addicts. That ‘addict’ smell eh. Addicts come in all shapes and smells.

ClockworkDisaster · 01/01/2024 21:40

I’m worried for you if he has behaved this badly already. I had lodgers when I was much younger and most were a nightmare tbh. 2 of them bullied me very badly to the point I would drive past the house and sit in a car park for a couple of hours until they had left if they were home when I returned. Not a nice way to live. I went to CAB for advice and they basically told me that they had more rights to live in my house than I did! This was 20yrs ago though so things may have changed.

HettieHampshire · 01/01/2024 21:37

Are you desperate for the money? Because I can't understand why you haven't told him to leave already. It's a no brainer.

Bigcat25 · 01/01/2024 21:35

Op, I worry he'll steal from you for drug money. Definitely lay down a boundary about the smoking, particularly as it's a fire hazard when he's off his head.

catwith9lives · 01/01/2024 21:34

If I was in your position I'd get rid, I don't see this ending well unless you make a stand asap.

GreatGateauxsby · 01/01/2024 21:30

write off the stolen alcohol- which is NOT okay

Tell him you are sorry for his troubles
Take the keys off
tell him he has 6 hours to pack
Give him all the money back

Call the police if needed

then
Take stock and work out how you let this happen / why your boundaries are so poor.
Vet your lodgers better.

BasiliskStare · 01/01/2024 21:26

Get him out now - smoking in the house is not only unpleasant but a fire hazard ( & I speak as one will have the odd cigarette in the garden ) as others have said

Testina · 01/01/2024 21:26

drank a huge amount (of my booze - which is fine)

Uh, why is that fine? 🤨
Where the hell are your boundaries?!

Christmastreestillinonepiece · 01/01/2024 21:26

Before your home is a crack den or a pile of ashes get him out..

TheCountessofFitzdotterel · 01/01/2024 21:24

Ponderingwindow · 01/01/2024 21:19

A normal reaction to even half of what he has done in the first 24 hours would be to end the arrangement. You need to do some serious introspection into why you are being so passive about this.

I agree with this I am afraid. It’s possible you’re very averse to conflict. If so do you have anyone in RL to back you up?