Active discussions

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Message from his ex and his reply....

53 replies

Newyears24 · 01/01/2024 16:40

Found a message on partners phone from his ex saying "I want you to make me scream".
He replied with a smile emoji. What would you make of this?
Brush it off?
His reply was inappropriate?
He's leading her on? He still has feelings for her?
Or
It was a polite brush off?

This is if she means what I think she means. What would you think she meant by this? I have mind fog and don't know what to make of it all at the moment.

I don't know what to think.
They have no children together. We also don't have any children together.

OP posts:
New posts on this thread. Refresh page
GR8GAL · 11/01/2024 14:35

I got a message from an ex like this some months ago. It was sent in the wee hours of a Saturday morning, obviously drunk and feeling nostalgiac, so I said nothing and waited until the next morning to see if he was ok, not to embarrass him. He's married with kids, I'm engaged. There were no hard feelings, and he appreciated that I didn't look to much into it, wished each other well and that was it. Maybe your other half wanted to spare her the embarrasment but not ghost her (could make matters worse). I'd chat to him about it, he didn't respond with anything substantial, just an emoji, maybe to spare her feelings.

Username123343 · 02/01/2024 15:24

@Pigsinpainauchocolat Yeah I do. Unless there’s a massive back story of red flags, I would see this as a totally acceptable response to an out of the blue message from an ex and think no more on it.

Pigsinpainauchocolat · 02/01/2024 15:00

@Username123343 you think a smiley face response is a brush off? Confused

March2024baby · 02/01/2024 09:48

Totally inappropriate OP! I think you probably know that really.

Thewondererhasreturned · 02/01/2024 09:45

Bit of a random message to receive out of the blue? Theres definitely more behind it. We need more context was it sent at a time when she could have been drunk? Either way if there's no messages before it then it could have been deleted but they clearly talk about this type of stuff. Very odd to send a smiley instead of a confused face or simply a are u okay did u send that to the wrong person? I think they are still snagging tbh probs slept together at some point sorry op. Even if they haven't his reply isn't reasonable if she shoe was on the other foot what do u think he would say to you?

Username123343 · 02/01/2024 09:05

Pigsinpainauchocolat · 01/01/2024 23:04

You really wouldnt give an ex asking your partner to make them cum scream a "second thought"? Really?

Gosh how naive.

Show quote history

In this scenario, I’m not arsed what the ex feels, because I’m not in a relationship with them - I’m in a relationship with my partner, who has brushed them off politely in the same way I would.

Yeah, not another thought. But we’re all different.

Pigsinpainauchocolat · 01/01/2024 23:04

Username123343 · 01/01/2024 19:47

I would think it was a polite brush off and wouldn’t give it another thought, but I can see I’m very much in the minority.

You really wouldnt give an ex asking your partner to make them cum scream a "second thought"? Really?

Gosh how naive.

Username123343 · 01/01/2024 19:47

I would think it was a polite brush off and wouldn’t give it another thought, but I can see I’m very much in the minority.

PossumintheHouse · 01/01/2024 19:43

Errr… what the hell would prompt that message unless he was already making her scream on the side? In the bloody bin with him. I’d be raging. A smiley face rather than saying ‘Oooh yeah’ doesn’t equate to a lack of response.

Panaa · 01/01/2024 19:40

I'd be devastated, disgusted and all trust would be gone.
It would be over for me.

Santaisscouringindeedfornewjob · 01/01/2024 18:52

Does he know you saw the message? If he didn't I would be tempted to snuggle up and ask him to make you scream.. Watch his reaction.. If he knows what was his reaction to you knowing? Once had a fwb who randomly text me stuff like that without any sort of chat for weeks.. Never from an ex bf though.

VanityDiesHard · 01/01/2024 18:49

Wanttobefree2 · 01/01/2024 18:44

I’m in the minority here but it could be a polite brush off. She may have sent the message drunk and he doesn’t want to be rude BUT I would definitely want to know the content of previous messages and keep an eye on future messages too.

I really don't see how it could be a brush off. Please don't minimise this to the OP.

Catsknowbest · 01/01/2024 18:44

He shouldn't even be in contact with her.

Wanttobefree2 · 01/01/2024 18:44

I’m in the minority here but it could be a polite brush off. She may have sent the message drunk and he doesn’t want to be rude BUT I would definitely want to know the content of previous messages and keep an eye on future messages too.

mondaytosunday · 01/01/2024 18:39

Uh yes he's leading her on! Why is she texting such a provocative message in the first place? She obviously feels there's something still between them, and he's not telling her there isn't!

iamawarriorwhojustcrieseasily · 01/01/2024 18:37

I'm sorry. If he isn't already cheating on you, he is keeping the door open to do so. Get rid very quickly and don't look back!

Namerequired · 01/01/2024 18:36

I’d think they are still sleeping together obviously. You decide if you are ok with that.
Polite brush off? How would you come to that conclusion?

FoxtrotOscarFoxtrotOscar · 01/01/2024 18:33

She might be thinking ahead to Halloween but I doubt it...

BrightGreenMoonBuggy · 01/01/2024 18:32

So here’s what my thoughts would be if I were you.

  1. It would be a very odd message for someone to send to an ex out of the blue with no other sex chat prior to it. 2) Assuming that somehow this ex got hammered / had a mad moment and really did just send that out if the blue, it should’ve come as a shock to him. 3) So, he either should’ve replied with a ‘what on earth?!’ type comment or told you to read what his nuts ex had just sent. 4) He did neither and sent a smile. So that’s encouragement. 5) he’s kept quiet since.

Something iffy is going on.

Noseybookworm · 01/01/2024 18:28

They're still shagging, sorry OP 😒 dump him!

sarahc336 · 01/01/2024 18:25

My immediate thought is they're still at it op sorry

Gonnagetgoingreturnsagain · 01/01/2024 18:23

No kids either side. No need for you to stay together. He’s definitely shagging her or wants to.

OlympicProcrastinator · 01/01/2024 18:20

That would be the end of the relationship for me. No question.

Muchof · 01/01/2024 18:18

It wasn't a brush off, polite or otherwise. He showed his approval and this definitely isn't out of the blue.

Workingtomorrow · 01/01/2024 18:18

Partner of how long?

when was the message?

How did you just find it?