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AIBU?

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Original poster

Ugh men are gross

178 replies

crochetmonkey74 · 31/12/2023 13:36

I say this as someone who would like to meet someone , but currently rethinking it...
I'm in a pub waiting for a friend for our annual nye lunch. A nice pub. In walk 3 couples. Roughly mid to late forties, all look nice and well dressed. Bit of chat and the women of the couples say goodbye and go off for a bit of shopping and will be back in an hour. Kisses all round, bye etc
Now the women are gone, I can hear everything the blokes are saying (while I'm pretending to read my book and go on mumsnet)
Topics they have covered so far (and I wish I was making this up)
1.One of them hasn't had a poo for a few days , went to toilet came back and showed photos of what he's done in the pub toilet. It was massive apparently and they all looked at it.

  1. They were all at a party for Christmas eve and a different friends daughter is definitely 'smashable' even though she is only 17
  2. Sienna Miller is fit and knows it so you could do what you want to her. They then were googling porn pictures of her.
  3. The band 10cc is a joke on the average amount of semen a man produces but the one regularly covers his wife back in it and there's loads more than that.
  4. The barmaid is too fat to shag unless you're desperate
These are normal looking attractive men who anyone would think look well dressed, seem like 'good' men etc but they acted totally different when their partners were here before they went shopping. . I can sit here and listen as I am fat and middle aged so invisible to them. I'm not a prude, but the switch was Shocking. Those women would probably never think their partners spoke like that.
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FictionalCharacter · 01/01/2024 12:14

NaughtyBoyGeorgeMichaelJacksonBrown · 31/12/2023 16:28

YANBU - I've been an 'honorary bloke' and seen and heard things exes have shared with their mates and obviously have plenty of experience of female only friend and work groups and, in my experience, there is a very marked difference with intent and tone.

Women can get 'gross' but it's usually in the spirit of sharing and finding out what is normal - stuff like nipple hairs, sex experience, health stuff etc. and can be really helpful and bonding. And when fancying men is talked about it's usually about particular men you want to go out with/get to know or yeah, shag. So it's not dehumanising or objectifying men in general and the talk isn't humiliating - no talk of smashing back doors in, 'ruining' them etc, just liking or wanting them.

With men, it's objectifying, vulgar and reinforces this shit among each other.

Plus the 'threat' or intent is so different - the tone behind a woman saying to her mates 'i'd really love to shag Brad from the mechanics' is so different to a man talking about 'wanting to hang out the end of that' or wanting to smash a 17 year old. And anyone who can't see that is being disingenuous or incredibly naive.

Spot on.
Some women seem to have no idea how common it is for men to fantasise about sexual violence and be turned on by it.
Look at the language. Women fantasise about sex with someone. The men OP heard are taking about doing things to a woman, and using words like "smash".
The things some of them say when they think we can't hear them can be much worse. I'm never surprised when men joke about rape, feel sorry for men convicted of rape/sexual assault, or play down how seriously rape affects female victims. I've seen too many men post grim fantasies about sexual violence - often prompted by nothing more than a picture of a wholesome-looking young woman in modest everyday clothing. And other men agree or laugh.

millymog11 · 01/01/2024 12:14

AndSoFinally · Today 11:52 just out of curiosity is that a website for medics of some sort? I am not on the website I have in mind but I know someone who is. Was just wondering.
Its all totally anonymous so on the website I was told about people who are presumably in very senior roles still write all sorts.

AndSoFinally · 01/01/2024 11:52

I am not surprised. I'm a member of a professional website. The kind where you can ask colleagues for advice on work matters, but that also has a 'general chat' function, and several different fora. The 'Men's Forum' is utterly rank, and these are highly respectable, intelligent human beings in their day to day work lives. In contrast, the 'Women's Forum' is full of advice on menopausal nightwear, and crafting tips 🤦🏻

Disturbia81 · 01/01/2024 11:11

It's gross and lots do it. But there are many who don't do it. I've overheard loads of conversations between men who don't realise I'm nearby, men I've known and strangers, and many talk about sport, work, geeky stuff, the world. They don't have the locker room thing.

Original poster
crochetmonkey74 · 01/01/2024 11:01

Getmeoutofheere · 01/01/2024 10:56

well I didn’t read this before I posted. What I meant is that they’re validating each others comments- like they’re ok and just a bit of fun.

i don’t think they’re acceptable. The poo one doesn’t offend me. The daughter, the cum on wife’s back and sienna miller are gross though.

what I meant is that if people banter about these things it makes it seem acceptable.

And if people think that’s acceptable it’s going to inform the way they act. That is all.

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Ah yes I see what you mean!

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Getmeoutofheere · 01/01/2024 10:56

crochetmonkey74 · 01/01/2024 10:40

I'm really hoping this is sarcasm

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well I didn’t read this before I posted. What I meant is that they’re validating each others comments- like they’re ok and just a bit of fun.

i don’t think they’re acceptable. The poo one doesn’t offend me. The daughter, the cum on wife’s back and sienna miller are gross though.

what I meant is that if people banter about these things it makes it seem acceptable.

And if people think that’s acceptable it’s going to inform the way they act. That is all.

Tartantatooes · 01/01/2024 10:48

An ex boyfriend many years ago told me you don't know what men are like when women aren't around . I guess this is what he was talking about .

Original poster
crochetmonkey74 · 01/01/2024 10:40

Getmeoutofheere · 01/01/2024 10:31

If they talk about it in a gross way amongst themselves it sort of makes it acceptable though doesn’t it?

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I'm really hoping this is sarcasm

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Original poster
crochetmonkey74 · 01/01/2024 10:40

Tartantatooes · 01/01/2024 10:23

The comment about Sienna Milker being good looking and she knows it so they can do what they want to her is disgusting. It's like they want to punish her for looking like she does.

Exactly and the "you can do whatever you wnat" like with normal women they have to hold back

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Getmeoutofheere · 01/01/2024 10:31

crochetmonkey74 · 01/01/2024 10:00

Sexually violent things about a friends child?

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If they talk about it in a gross way amongst themselves it sort of makes it acceptable though doesn’t it?

Tartantatooes · 01/01/2024 10:23

The comment about Sienna Milker being good looking and she knows it so they can do what they want to her is disgusting. It's like they want to punish her for looking like she does.

Original poster
crochetmonkey74 · 01/01/2024 10:00

Mummadeze · 01/01/2024 09:34

Not surprised you were shocked that they turned from nice husbands into Neanderthals. I would have been too. But I suppose talking in a gross way amongst themselves doesn’t actually do any harm unless someone else is eavesdropping. I think I have jokingly said inappropriate things to friends that I didn’t really mean to join in / make them laugh etc.

Sexually violent things about a friends child?

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Mummadeze · 01/01/2024 09:34

Not surprised you were shocked that they turned from nice husbands into Neanderthals. I would have been too. But I suppose talking in a gross way amongst themselves doesn’t actually do any harm unless someone else is eavesdropping. I think I have jokingly said inappropriate things to friends that I didn’t really mean to join in / make them laugh etc.

Sux2buthen · 01/01/2024 09:33

And there's us women that sit together discussing politics and poetry as soon as we are alone Hmm
People chat crap, it's normal (excluding the 17yr old part)

SheerLucks · 01/01/2024 09:23

I think you're hugely generalising OP!

Yes there are some, maybe many, men that do this but millions who don't. I would say income and status has nothing to do with it although background does.

My DH is not perfect in any way, but he is 100% not one of those guys, and I don't know any man who is.

GothConversionTherapy · 01/01/2024 09:20

Chowit · 31/12/2023 22:53

How long did this conversation go on for?
It must have been quite a while for all that to be discussed, along with the picture viewing.

Do you not believe her ?

lovelyoldtree · 01/01/2024 09:06

@Fannyfiggs hahaha brilliant 🤣🤣🤣

IpsyUpsyDaisyDoos · 01/01/2024 07:56

SpanishMoss1 · 31/12/2023 22:51

I didn’t say you were lying. I was just commenting to the person who commented saying she didn’t know a man mid forties who didn’t know who Sienna Miller was.

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My DH, mid 40s, knows the name (wasn't she married to whatshisface that was recently in Captain Marvel?) but said he'd have to Google her to remember what she looked like. Just for a second one who isn't sure.

Original poster
crochetmonkey74 · 31/12/2023 22:57

Chowit · 31/12/2023 22:53

How long did this conversation go on for?
It must have been quite a while for all that to be discussed, along with the picture viewing.

About 15 to 20 mins maybe. I was waiting for my friend and had got there a bit early.

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Chowit · 31/12/2023 22:53

How long did this conversation go on for?
It must have been quite a while for all that to be discussed, along with the picture viewing.

SpanishMoss1 · 31/12/2023 22:51

crochetmonkey74 · 31/12/2023 22:48

Woman must be lying then as random unconnected man doesn't know who a famous person is

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I didn’t say you were lying. I was just commenting to the person who commented saying she didn’t know a man mid forties who didn’t know who Sienna Miller was.

Original poster
crochetmonkey74 · 31/12/2023 22:48

SpanishMoss1 · 31/12/2023 22:46

I just asked DH (43) who Sienna Miller was and he had no clue. I didn’t either to be honest…we’ve had to Google.

Woman must be lying then as random unconnected man doesn't know who a famous person is

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Original poster
crochetmonkey74 · 31/12/2023 22:46

Also they definitely know their friends daughters age . Remember ? She's smashable even though she's only 17.

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SpanishMoss1 · 31/12/2023 22:46

I just asked DH (43) who Sienna Miller was and he had no clue. I didn’t either to be honest…we’ve had to Google.

Original poster
crochetmonkey74 · 31/12/2023 22:45

orchiddottyback · 31/12/2023 22:38

Funny I just read your OP and it does sound a bit embellished if I'm totally honest.

So much so I just asked my DH and his friends who are round for a few drinks for new years eve if they knew who Sienna Miller was, none of them knew without googling her first 🙄

Most of your comments are something some one would say to get the backing from MN in a female perspective. Not sure how many guys know how old their friends daughters are never mind their partners birthdays 😂

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🤣🤣🤣
What a weird thing to be accused of.
Sadly not embellished at all.

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