PIL and SIL

Do you understand how trauma works and that it is different from person to person n how they react? Sounds like you don’t and just assume because you can do xyz others can. Not how it works.

I was on constant edge and on the verge of tears and my in-laws were nowhere near as bad and stayed for five days. DH did apologise to me because he hadn’t considered the logistics and that I had never been alone with them together ever so wasn’t comfortable around them especially while still in physical and emotional pain and establishing nursing. I finally cried when they left because I was left alone to process things and just be with baby.

They’ve obviously overstayed their welcome and yes they should go, but making it out as if OP should easily been able to turf them out because you can/would reads as if you’re blaming her.

You and DH need to stand up for yourself!!! Anyone refers to you as a milk cow again gets pulled up on it instantly and made to apologise. If they don't, they leave. Don't let people walk all over you.

My relationship with my ils never recovered when I refused their SN dd access to my ds.. As in she wanted to push him round the streets in a buggy. She was 8. Don't worry about upsetting them op. Your feelings do actually count.. And your dh needs to step up.

Any one who called me a milk cow would have been ejected from my house immediately.

Why is your husband allowing this?

It sounds like they're protecting their daughter but also that they're fucking deranged.

It doesn't sound like they're helping so why on earth are they there? And for so long? When DD was born people were allowed to pop in but the first two weeks when DP was on pat leave was when we found out rhythm as parents so I didn't want that disturbed. Get them out!

Visiting my own family or friends would have me packed and out by now op. You are too passive... Switch the heating off. Claim it's broken and they need to stay elsewhere tonight.

Answers absolutely none of the questions asked!

If anything it should make her more protective of herself and her family unit instead of being a doormat to this shit.

If my husband was protective of SIL and saying nothing, he can take the door with them.

Would you allow this 10 days post birth? Didn’t think so…..

Firstly, I don't think you're being unreasonable but I would probably just ignore the cooing over SIL. I'd have torn the MIL off a right strip if she'd called me a milk cow though!!!
Your biggest mistake though, was to allow them all to stay in your house for three weeks. Especially with a newborn and after a traumatic birth.
So what if they live a long way away? Why does that stop them from booking into a hotel or renting out an AirBandB or whatever?
Sod not wanting to upset any of them. Tell them straight!

Good grief.

Give OP a break. Having been through a traumatic birth myself it takes a bit more time than a few weeks to get your head around things. Heck, even after one that isn’t traumatic, some need a bit of time.

Sounds very unpleasant. I think I would put up with the rest of this stay, you are over half way through it - but maybe feel ill for a few days and retire to bed. But as you live in a two bedroomed house and presumably baby (and any subsequent children) will be occupying the second bedroom, it would be difficult for them to stay with you again in future. I think that would be the conversation I would be having with DH once they had gone, "if they come again, they will have to stay elsewhere, no room here".

@abdlfp Sorry! My mistake!

When did you hear them calling you a milk cow ?

I'm not a dramatic person or prone to cutting people out, but I wouldn't let someone stay under my roof who had described me that way.

Horrible situation and terrible comment from mil.
I hope they leave soon and you can recover in peace and enjoy the baby.
Make a plan for the next time a visit is suggested. I hope your husband stands up for you more.
It will seem so much easier once they have left. Really hope you can rest a bit more and recover

You net to get them out now. airbnb or similar if you must. Your recovery and bonding time for your nuclear family should take priority.

If I were you I would give my husband a very clear ultimatum. He has a wife and child and his own nuclear family, he has to choose where his priorities lie! Either they go or you go. Even if you book yourself into a hotel until they’re gone. Are your parents or any other family around where you can escape to? This is a crazy situation and I’m not sure why this has riled me so much!! So sorry you have to put up with this.

I don't think anybody suggested the baby wasn't the OPs. People asked if the SIL was adopted, otherwise if she is DHs sister she would have a biological link to the baby. Maybe you should go back and read properly before telling other people to do so 🙄

10 days is too long when you have a newborn in a 2 bedroom house. Theey've overstayed their welcome. Where is everyone sleeping? When are they leaving?

Regardless there could be slight resemblances. I work with a man whose adopted son has a very strong resemblance to him.

Well why don't you say this next time they say something ludicrous? Not in a nasty way... just a "ha ha that would be funny as they're not related"

Is he 'protective' or has he just grown up in an environment where all that matters is her?
Why does she need 'protecting' from being told she's out of order?!

The baby is OP's! She had a traumatic birth! Read the background properly people!!!

Baby is not related to SIL!! That's just the PIL making comments to make SIL feel better.

OP you've been through a lot. How much longer are they staying for? You sound like a people pleaser and don't want to rock the boat. Of course you feel upset, you've had a traumatic birth, have house guests, trying to look after all of them whilst finding your feet with your first baby and not hearing anything to make you feel like you are a wonderful mother. You are a wonderful mother! Your baby absolutely adores you! Never forget that! The bond you two share is like no other even though it may feel excruciating hard at times. I know as I have 3 under 4!

If you can suck up the rest of your time together then do. MIL sounds like a dick and probably said that without thinking. My own mother is the same.

If they are staying with you for a while longer could DH have a chat? You're both tired, it's a 2 bed house accommodating 5 adults and a baby, could they stay elsewhere for the last bit and pop in to see you. You're not going all out, get out of my house, but just trying to say it's a lot to cope with, which it is!!

I hope you've been able to have some rest and your recovery is going well. Be kind to yourself and only read the responses that will actually help you. Some people on here can be very cruel and lack empathy.

I think it's normal to give a baby back to the parents if they are fussing. The milk comment was awful but sounds like it was dealt with at the time. The SIL/biological thing is odd. If it is too much maybe ask them to stay in a hotel for the rest of the stay and just have a small period of time each day where they could visit.

The milk cow comment was rude and I’m glad your dh brought it up.

I’d try move on from the other comments though. It seems like they are trying to make sil feel included since she’s older and wants a child. The comments are annoying but try not to take them personally.

My family regularly handed my baby back when she started to fuss or make noise, only because they thought I’d want her or I’d want to feed her.

Adoption, donor, IVF. There’s loads of reasons it could be. But OP doesn’t want to say and the reason isn’t relevant.

The SIL stuff wouldn't bother me. An SIL that lives far cannot threaten your bond with your baby, let them make her feel a bit better.

The milk cow comment would have me go nuclear on them.