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AIBU?

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Original poster

First Date: Would there be a second date?

41 replies

Arableland · 30/12/2023 18:04

AIBU to assume that if a first date didn't request my mobile number during the first date or before saying our goodbyes, there'd be no second date?

OP posts:
Original poster
Arableland · 30/12/2023 18:41

I'm close to 40. I've been single for a long time after a longterm relationship.
To be honest, they didn't seem excited/ keen in both cases. Also, I'm not sure what other signs to look out for to be sure before suggesting a swap.
I just think they're on the fence.

OP posts:
Grimchmas · 30/12/2023 18:41

Trust me, you want the ones who wait to ask more than you want the ones who expect it on first message.

hoxtonbabe · 30/12/2023 18:39

I don’t think there’s a hard rule about who does the asking first. In my case my profile actually states do not ask for my number as i am not running a hotline that I just hand my number over within 5 minutes of conversation, so I kinda have to do the asking and so far so good I have never had a man say no.

But I do know some men will wait for the lady to offer out of respect etc, so if you ask, he might actually explain he ways waiting for you to ask.. if it’s flowing nicely and you are getting on just ask ☺️☺️

Blueskies2023 · 30/12/2023 18:36

When I was online dating, we always exchanged numbers before the first date and messaged via WhatsApp or iMessage

Zanatdy · 30/12/2023 18:33

No, you’ve already got a means of communicating at the moment. Last guy I was seeing we didn’t exchange numbers until just before second date (we communicated via work system)

ManateeFair · 30/12/2023 18:33

Arableland · 30/12/2023 18:26

I had a previous date with whom I went on three dates, without asking to exchange numbers. I didn't either. I thought if they were really excited about me, they'd ask so that they don't lose the connection should in case I disappeared from the app. In the end, I unmatched them. Thought they were too comfortable to assume they can always communicate me via the app.

Now had this date today and he did not ask to exchange numbers either.

Am I doing something wrong? Is it lady-like to do it the asking? I'm nervous. Not sure I've got a hang of this dating thing.

Of course you can ask for a man’s number. It’s not 1950.

Stop expecting people to read your mind. It was mad to unmatch with someone you'd had three dates with, solely because he contacted you via the app instead of asking for your number, and without even having a conversation about it. Why do you assume your dates have the same assumptions and thought processes that you would?

Can I ask how old you are?

chocolateaupain · 30/12/2023 18:32

Is it lady-like to do it the asking? I'm nervous. Not sure I've got a hang of this dating thing.

It's fine to do the asking as a woman if you're keen - I would (and have in the past). I'm in my 30s and I'd think nothing of asking if a date wanted to swap numbers if we were getting along. You can always block if they turn out to be an arse.

ManateeFair · 30/12/2023 18:27

If you’ve been messaging via the app he might be assuming he can keep contact up through that.

Original poster
Arableland · 30/12/2023 18:26

I had a previous date with whom I went on three dates, without asking to exchange numbers. I didn't either. I thought if they were really excited about me, they'd ask so that they don't lose the connection should in case I disappeared from the app. In the end, I unmatched them. Thought they were too comfortable to assume they can always communicate me via the app.

Now had this date today and he did not ask to exchange numbers either.

Am I doing something wrong? Is it lady-like to do it the asking? I'm nervous. Not sure I've got a hang of this dating thing.

OP posts:
hoxtonbabe · 30/12/2023 18:25

It seems odd they didn’t ask, I mean if you like each other why would they want to go back to communicating via the dating app or social media platform ( I assume that’s how you arranged to meet) so I personally would be thinking they aren’t keen.

That said I have never been on a date without an exchange of numbers.

TestingTestingWonTooFree · 30/12/2023 18:23

It might have been considerate not to ask for your number. You might not want to give it out that quickly. Wait and see if he messages.

Original poster
Arableland · 30/12/2023 18:22

No, I didn't ask for his number. He said we'll be in touch.

OP posts:
Original poster
Arableland · 30/12/2023 18:22

We met on an app. All arranged there.

OP posts:
witte · 30/12/2023 18:17

I wouldn't assume that

KnickerlessParsons · 30/12/2023 18:11

Did you ask for the date's number?

chocolateaupain · 30/12/2023 18:10

How did you arrange the first date without each other's numbers?