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Original poster

Overhead conversation - wwyd?

240 replies

notlisteningwithmother · 29/12/2023 16:27

I'd just stepped out of the shower when MIL and FIL (staying with us for family Christmas) started to have an animated conversation outside the bathroom door. The gist was that they were pleased to be heading home because I'd made them feel unwelcome and unwanted and ruined their Christmas.

I could have opened the door at that point, but decided against fanning the flames and waited in the bathroom till I heard them go downstairs.

I didn't want Christmas to end with an argument. And I can't see any benefit in raising this with them when we next talk.

WWYD? Let sleeping dogs lie or ask for an explanation?

OP posts:
sonjadog · 30/12/2023 18:24

Your husband is really very rude.

Middleagedspreadisreal · 30/12/2023 18:20

Ask them. Sorry, just read the whys and wherefor's

Somerandomgirl · 30/12/2023 18:13

Oh..just read you got it all solved ...what can i say..women being women... i say just forget about it and never mention it again.. or it will escalate to god knows where

RedToothBrush · 30/12/2023 18:09

notlisteningwithmother · 29/12/2023 21:15

MYSTERY SOLVED!!

ILs left late morning. I've just cleaned out their room and found an earring on the floor that I think belongs to MIL. I asked DH to call her, and maybe also check that they'd got home okay and thank them for coming.

DH response - fine, as long as she doesn't mention the cake. (Now I'm confused!)

So, MIL had made and brought (as a surprise) a Christmas cake and Christmas pudding. FIL handed them to DH when they arrived, but DH then gave them back to MIL saying that I'd also made a Christmas cake and a pudding so we'd just use those and didn't need anything else. From this, MIL extrapolated that I had refused to accept her carefully prepared contribution to the Christmas food, and by implication sent a clear message that neither she nor her food were welcome in the house.

If offered the option I would absolutely have accepted them as gifts. But MIL was clearly still upset by the apparent rejection when I overheard the conversation this morning, deliberate or otherwise.

Nobody knows that I heard anything, and they don't need to. I'm quite relieved!

So her whole Christmas was 'ruined' because she was unbelieveably petty.

Wow.

I personally wouldn't be hosting again, as I'd feel I'd be on eggshells the whole time, if that was the drama

Wanttobefree2 · 30/12/2023 18:08

ILoveMyCaravan · 29/12/2023 23:24

Nice that it's resolved. However I do think it's a silly thing to bring a surprise cake and pudding. Did she really think you wouldn't have already have both items organised? OK if it's her contribution and agreed in advance, but you could equally take offence that your cake and pudding weren't to her liking so she brought her own.

I agree with this, it’s pretty silly bringing these as a “surprise”, as it’s likely you’ll already have them.

Somerandomgirl · 30/12/2023 18:05

Are u sure you heard the whole conversation correctly and that they werent talking about someone else, previous years, something happened outside etc?

TerfTalking · 30/12/2023 18:00

So it was your DH that actually ruined her bloody Christmas? Of course, I eat she just brushed it all under table and instantly forgot her son was to blame.

Minglingpringle · 30/12/2023 09:37

All the angry people who want a fight might find their own lives became more peaceful if they learnt to cut other people a bit of slack.

We ALL make mistakes. We make different mistakes from each other. If no mistakes are ever forgiven it must be like living in a barbed wire fence.

Cattymonster · 30/12/2023 07:41

The irony that MIL was absolutely making a mountain out of a molehill and very much not living in harmony seems to be lost on you.

I suspect it wasn't lost on OP. She's simply been able to rise above it, in the interests of maintaining good relations with her PIL, which can be hard to come by. Sounds like things have also been clearly explained to DH as well, so that he won't do this kind of thing again. Well navigated, OP. I agree with whoever said above that your family is lucky to have you Flowers

MsRosley · 30/12/2023 00:44

IDontOftenComment · 29/12/2023 23:34

I see there are still some folk wanting to see a fight even though the OP is completely happy.
It seems some on MN just can’t accept that some people actually live in harmony and don’t constantly need to make a mountain out of a molehill.

The irony that MIL was absolutely making a mountain out of a molehill and very much not living in harmony seems to be lost on you.

MsRosley · 30/12/2023 00:41

Howbizarre22 · 29/12/2023 22:26

Exactly. Women are always to fucking blame. Not of course their precious wonderful son who I’m sorry is actually a massive dick for being so awfully damn rude in the first place. Agh. Nothing will ever change will it.
And OP it appears you have also internalised misogyny for taking away from this that it ‘doesn’t matter I’m getting blamed here for the despicable rudeness of my DH where I had absolutely nothing to do with it and ILs are left thinking I’m a cunt because….phew! They didn’t know I could hear them!!! “ wtf

Show quote history

MIL then sent a genuinely lovely message in a text to me a few minutes later.

You're a better woman than me, OP. I'd be tempted to text back that I was so relieved we were on better terms, because I heard her conversation with PIL while I was in the shower, and was pretty devastated to hear I had ruined her Xmas after all the effort I had gone to. Your MIL deserves to squirm a bit. After all, she could have saved the horrible things she said for when she was in the car on the way home, rather than spout it in your own home without a thought that you might overhear. Fucking terrible behaviour and your reaction to it is strangely passive.

Mamanyt · 30/12/2023 00:25

I do love a happy ending!

whynotwhatknot · 30/12/2023 00:25

your dh fucked right up there-they always blame the wife though dont they even though he said we dont need your cake its somehow your fault

HappyBusman · 30/12/2023 00:01

IDontOftenComment · 29/12/2023 23:34

I see there are still some folk wanting to see a fight even though the OP is completely happy.
It seems some on MN just can’t accept that some people actually live in harmony and don’t constantly need to make a mountain out of a molehill.

Yes, this. People are actually berating the OP for not escalating the drama!

Itslegitimatesalvage · 29/12/2023 23:54

Sorry but then actually sound like misogynistic dicks. He handed the food to your husband, your hey and immediately refused it and handed it back…. And the comments you overheard blamed you? Said you made them unwelcome and uncomfortable? When you weren’t there, you didn’t receive the gifts and didn’t hand them back? But they blamed you? Yeah… they sound like dickheads.

RitaFromThePitCanteen · 29/12/2023 23:53

Glad to hear it's resolved, OP.

Although at the risk of being accused of stirring, I do find it a bit off that, with all the evidence right in front of her that the rejection of her Christmas cake and pud was a spur-of-the-moment thoughtless decision by her son, she chose to believe without any evidence that he was specifically acting under your orders.

And also that your supposed orders were a deliberate coded message indicating that you personally wanted her to know that she was not welcome in your home. And that her son happily went along with this deliberately planned insult to his mum. 🤔

MIL sounds like a conspiracy theorist.

Lookingatthesunset · 29/12/2023 23:43

She's easily offended! Bear in mind for future visits!

angelikacpickles · 29/12/2023 23:40

saltinesandcoffeecups · 29/12/2023 23:38

That’s probably directed to me… but I’ve been imagining the IL’s in the spare room hiding and eating the Christmas cake from the hole in the floor with the loose floorboard…

On a related note I’ve been relistening to the HP serious and Harry’s just done this with his birthday cake.

Show quote history

Not you specifically - others seem to be equally puzzled.

raspberrycardigan · 29/12/2023 23:38

People who "live in harmony" are able to have a face to face conversation to clear up any misunderstandings and hurt feelings.

saltinesandcoffeecups · 29/12/2023 23:38

angelikacpickles · 29/12/2023 23:33

Why are people going on about the cake? Christmas cake keeps for months, it will have been absolutely fine for a week!

That’s probably directed to me… but I’ve been imagining the IL’s in the spare room hiding and eating the Christmas cake from the hole in the floor with the loose floorboard…

On a related note I’ve been relistening to the HP serious and Harry’s just done this with his birthday cake.

IDontOftenComment · 29/12/2023 23:34

I see there are still some folk wanting to see a fight even though the OP is completely happy.
It seems some on MN just can’t accept that some people actually live in harmony and don’t constantly need to make a mountain out of a molehill.

angelikacpickles · 29/12/2023 23:33

Why are people going on about the cake? Christmas cake keeps for months, it will have been absolutely fine for a week!

OccasionalHope · 29/12/2023 23:32

I’m glad it’s all been resolved with hopefully no bad feeling.

Muchof · 29/12/2023 23:30

I don’t know why you think this is a relief or even slightly funny . You are married to an ungrateful arse and his parents blame you rather than their pig ignorant son when you clearly were not involved. I’d be very disappointed with the lot of them.

Geoff0409 · 29/12/2023 23:27

@notlisteningwithmother if you can think of anything that's made them feel uncomfortable then ok, but it doesn't sound like it. Some people are like chalk and cheese and always will be. I've heard my own in laws (my wife and I have been together more than 25 years now), slag me off on a few occasions. It can be a bit hurtful but I smile sweetly and try to make their visits bearable and I know my wife appreciates that. If your partner can find out what may have annoyed/upset them without making it obvious it may be worth bringing it up, but if not then try not to worry. I am a suspicious person by nature, but this does sound like they've done this deliberately in your earshot.