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AIBU?

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Original poster

Overhead conversation - wwyd?

240 replies

notlisteningwithmother · 29/12/2023 16:27

I'd just stepped out of the shower when MIL and FIL (staying with us for family Christmas) started to have an animated conversation outside the bathroom door. The gist was that they were pleased to be heading home because I'd made them feel unwelcome and unwanted and ruined their Christmas.

I could have opened the door at that point, but decided against fanning the flames and waited in the bathroom till I heard them go downstairs.

I didn't want Christmas to end with an argument. And I can't see any benefit in raising this with them when we next talk.

WWYD? Let sleeping dogs lie or ask for an explanation?

OP posts:
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itisgettinghardto · 10/01/2024 15:17

Glad you feel it's sorted but really, why didn't MIL check before bringing cake & pudding? It's not like a few extra bags of crisps you can just take home. I think if they're homemade then to turn them down is obviously a bit more hurtful but that's on your DH.
I'd also wonder about the theatrical comments made outside the bathroom about feeling unwelcome and your MIL immediately blaming you. Hmmm...tread carefully, OP.

Rosejasmine · 31/12/2023 08:57

I’d let sleeping dogs lie and not invite them to stay again at Christmas.

Redpaisley · 31/12/2023 03:12

Jf20 · 29/12/2023 22:14

I know right? People never cease to surprise me in the way they behave. He was rude and she’s just glad they don’t know she heard. Who behaves like this?

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Son was rude to his mother but she decided to blame DIL by saying OP made them feel unwelcome. Both mother and son were rude.

Josieangel21 · 31/12/2023 00:10

.

SaucepanRattle · 30/12/2023 23:06

Ah lovely conclusion OP and glad all is well.

Keepthecat · 30/12/2023 23:02

If it was me I'd probably make a huge effort from now until departure date to be wonderfully welcoming and tell them how much you've enjoyed having them - lay it on good and thick.
And then never invite them back.

Here4thechocs · 30/12/2023 21:37

Thecatmaster · 30/12/2023 21:20

Here's the problem that I have with this situation though OP. Her son fecks up and you end up getting the blame and then having to try to rectify things/work out what's wrong. Why on earth is the daughter in law, the one who has to deal with this? Why would she even think the worst and assume that you knew about the cake. And now she's being nice to you because she realises that you weren't to blame and seems happy again. But why isn't she still annoyed with her own son for ruining her Christmas? Why is it that the sons get a free pass, or at least less blame.

I have massive issues with this, too but you see, this is why men need to consult their partners cos everything invariably falls back on her.

Case in point : my husband decides he no longer wants to fund his siblings’ lifestyles back home but guess what ? It’s my fault. Never mind I knew nothing about what he previously sent, nor the revised amount. But I’m his wife so it’s all my decision.

Here4thechocs · 30/12/2023 21:34

Why are menudo utterly useless & dumb sometimes?

Thecatmaster · 30/12/2023 21:20

Here's the problem that I have with this situation though OP. Her son fecks up and you end up getting the blame and then having to try to rectify things/work out what's wrong. Why on earth is the daughter in law, the one who has to deal with this? Why would she even think the worst and assume that you knew about the cake. And now she's being nice to you because she realises that you weren't to blame and seems happy again. But why isn't she still annoyed with her own son for ruining her Christmas? Why is it that the sons get a free pass, or at least less blame.

Ginflinger · 30/12/2023 21:04

Nice happy ending!

Changingplace · 30/12/2023 21:04

MsRosley · 30/12/2023 00:44

The irony that MIL was absolutely making a mountain out of a molehill and very much not living in harmony seems to be lost on you.

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I actually don’t think it was a mountain out of a molehill. Proper Christmas cake takes absolutely ages to make, top up with booze, marzipan, ice… if she’s done all that for it to be handed back unwanted would be understandably upsetting.

It’s just incredibly infuriating that despite OPs DH being the thoughtless one that OP was somehow blamed :(

GeeEss · 30/12/2023 20:54

So, how do you think it went? Sometimes we can offend without realising (not saying you did). Just interested in your perspective.

NalafromtheLionKing · 30/12/2023 20:38

So then the question is why MIL jumped straight to YOU ruined Christmas rather than DH, when this was literally 100% DH’s fault.

BlueMongoose · 30/12/2023 20:20

notlisteningwithmother · 29/12/2023 22:34

Relief? Probably just knowing that there's an explanation rather than thinking through multiple possible scenarios. Not least those raised in posts on this thread about sending messages to guests without realising.

DH called MIL re the earring, and then explained that he'd made a unilateral decision about the food. He admitted that after talking to me he understood why that was clearly the wrong response, and thoughtless. And apologised for giving the impression that I was in any way involved.

MIL then sent a genuinely lovely message in a text to me a few minutes later.

So glad it turned out okay. Just shows that sometimes it's best not to demand explanations about things overheard until you've waited to see what might have happened.

DisabledDemon · 30/12/2023 20:17

I think you'd be better off asking them sooner rather than later. I know, if it were me and I sat on this for a length of time, I would end up seething and then there would be a row. Get it out of the way and don't let them wriggle out of it - and if they can't provide a good answer, don't feel obliged to entertain them next year.

JenniferJuniper80 · 30/12/2023 19:17

I read through op! Thanks for your help!

Lookingatthesunset · 30/12/2023 19:16

JenniferJuniper80 · 30/12/2023 19:15

Did you feel like you has been welcoming?
Because clearly your in laws didn't feel welcome.

I suggest you read the thread... fgs!

JenniferJuniper80 · 30/12/2023 19:15

Did you feel like you has been welcoming?
Because clearly your in laws didn't feel welcome.

mixedpeel · 30/12/2023 19:13

Minglingpringle · 30/12/2023 09:37

All the angry people who want a fight might find their own lives became more peaceful if they learnt to cut other people a bit of slack.

We ALL make mistakes. We make different mistakes from each other. If no mistakes are ever forgiven it must be like living in a barbed wire fence.

Well said.

Appleofmyeye2023 · 30/12/2023 19:12

🤣🤣🤣God, my dad did to that to me

couple of years after my mum died, first time he and his new partner hosting Xmas.

I made fruit cake (aka Xmas cake recipe minus Xmas icing) as was a favourite of his. Gifted to him along with other standard pressies.

did not make an appearance - nor did any Xmas type cake or mince pies 🤨😞, . Oh well

then as we were leaving he gave it back to me - said he didn’t want to upset partner who’d done rest of cooking ( her choice, refused help) , so I’d best take it home

I told him rather shortly, it was a gift as he always liked it before mum died , it keeps and he could put it in the bin if he didn’t want it . He then had a sulk lasting next 10
years 🙄

xmas cake is trouble clearly…emotionally and politically trouble 😱

onlymyOP · 30/12/2023 18:57

It's simple... I wouldn't invite them to any more Family Events at my home and if they asked why I would say "because I overheard you saying how unwelcome you feel in my home last time you were there and I didn't want to burden you any further".

Don't let them disrespect you in your own home.....

Sallyh87 · 30/12/2023 18:55

Your husband sounds really rude! Just take the cake and pudding.

ChocolateCinderToffee · 30/12/2023 18:55

Goodness. A lot of llamas deprived of a drama on here!

coffeerevelsrule · 30/12/2023 18:35

Wanttobefree2 · 30/12/2023 18:08

I agree with this, it’s pretty silly bringing these as a “surprise”, as it’s likely you’ll already have them.

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I expect MIL did run it by dh and he was all 'yeah, yeah...blah blah women talking,' and failed to let the OP know/check she was happy with MIL bringing the cake etc. Obviously I have no way of knowing this, but from what we know of him I feel it to be a feasible theory.

raindropsonatinroof · 30/12/2023 18:24

Muchof · 29/12/2023 23:30

I don’t know why you think this is a relief or even slightly funny . You are married to an ungrateful arse and his parents blame you rather than their pig ignorant son when you clearly were not involved. I’d be very disappointed with the lot of them.

I agree. Plus your MIL was bitching about you in your own house about something she hadn't even checked was the case- all after you ran around catering for her. Sorry but your MIL and your son both sound like absolute dicks.

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