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Original poster

MIL … again!

34 replies

mrsclaus1984 · 29/12/2023 13:06

What is it with MILs?! Not mine this time, though..!

My DSis (39) is the sweetest, loveliest soul you could meet. Not a bad word to say about anyone, and we’ve always been very close.

She and her DH spent Christmas with his family this year. She didn’t communicate with me on messenger as much as usual on Christmas/boxing day but I didn’t read too much into this as my BIL has a large family as I assumed they were just busy. I spoke to her a few days ago, she sounded distracted and told me we could catch up properly when she was back home today.

She’s just phoned me earlier this morning. And burst into tears :(

She told her that on Christmas Day, there was a huge argument, in which her MIL laid into her about her life choices.

My DSis and her DH are childfree out of choice. DSis used to work full time but made the decision a couple of years ago to pursue her dreams of studying as a mature student. My BIL is fully supportive of this and in fact my DSis seems a lot happier now, as she hated her old job, and she’s now studying towards her dream career.

However this is apparently not good enough for her MIL, who told her that “a woman of her age” should only be unemployed if she’s at home raising a family, and that my DSis is lazy, choosing to be a student.

DSis told me that things got so bad, they went to stay in a local hotel on Christmas Night (too far to drive home).

I feel so upset for her. as I mentioned, she is the loveliest person and works very hard on her studies.

It makes me wonder.. is there anyone out there who actually has a good relationship with their MIL??!!

I’m sorry, I’m not exactly sure what I’m trying to achieve by this post, I’m just upset for my sister 😭

OP posts:
Frisate · 29/12/2023 14:08

Mine has form for being very difficult and has a distant relationship with all her children and children in law. She also sometimes comes across as completely cuckoo bananas. One conversation she had with my DH recently:

-I think the Covid vaccine (she only had the first two doses) caused my pollen allergy (Her)
-But you’ve always had a pollen allergy mum (DH)
-I still think it caused it (Her)
-But you’ve had that allergy all your life mum (DH)
-But I still think it caused it (Her)

🤷‍♀️

This sort of thing happens pretty much every time they speak.

Ohhelpicantthinkofaname · 29/12/2023 13:59

Mines lovely. That’s not to say she’s never annoyed me, she has of course at times over the last 20 years, I’m sure I’ve annoyed her too. Luckily neither of us are ones to hold a grudge and we get on well. She was helpful with the kids when they were young (far more helpful than my own mum) and we help her out where needed now she’s older and getting forgetful (diagnosis of early dementia).
there was a time before she was diagnosed when she was very defensive and quite hard work, but that really was down to her being frightened about the future, but since she’s been diagnosed she seems to have made peace with it and is back to her old, if more forgetful self.

iamwhatiam23 · 29/12/2023 13:46

Tell your dsis to ignore the ignorant old cow, her way of thinking belongs in the past! My first mil was lovely......to your face and slagged me off behind my back! She did this to everyone so it wasn't a personal thing lol! My second was a narcissistic, evil, shallow witch with 3 very messed up kids! Its no wonder her son behaves the way he does!

sugarapplelane · 29/12/2023 13:46

I like my MIL but sometimes I wish she would grow a bit of a backbone and stand up to her DH.

He’s my DH’s step father.

Sometimes my DH wants to spend time alone with his DM, but step father is always there, can’t do anything alone and so makes things difficult.

Coolhwip · 29/12/2023 13:36

Your poor sis.

She should ignore MIL the twat from now on.

Let DH visit her on his own.

tokesqueen · 29/12/2023 13:36

Mine favours SIL and her DC so I will never think much of her as a person.

UsingChangeofName · 29/12/2023 13:27

Yes, my MiL and I are very different people, but have always got on and respected each other and made the effort for each other when we spend time together.
Looking around my extended family and friends, I see nothing but either loving, warm connections or complete respect and effort being made both ways.

I feel very upset for your sister, her MiL sounds like a really rude, nasty person but she would be a rude, nasty person even if she weren't a MiL. There is nothing about the relationship that makes a person like that.

Hoglet70 · 29/12/2023 13:19

My first one was an evil cow and ex-DH loved her so much! I never stood a chance lol. The only reason I don't mind the latest one is that I never see her as DH isn't close to his family. I don't 'think' she would be horrible to me but apparently she gave The First Mrs Hoglet a hard time so she does have form.

I am so glad DSis has a nice DH who stood up for her because when they don't do that you may just as well get divorced now.

Maray1967 · 29/12/2023 13:10

Yes, mine is great. There was the occasional worrying comment when DS1 was little (over 20 years ago) such as did we really need to use the car seat for a short journey, but DH dealt with that very firmly.

I hope your BIL had/will have strong words with his mother.