Xmas aggro

I don't even know why you would share this with us. You're just adding things to the list for people to start talking about.

I get that some women are in abusive relationships.

But intentionally staying in a relationship where your child's toes are blue and you're other child makes comments about how cold your house is, makes me quite angry.

If you have children, you have a responsibility to take care of their very basic needs, including keeping them warm and safe. You either need to have the strength to stand up to your partner and insist the house is kept at a safe and comfortable temperature for the children or you need to leave and take them somewhere (even a refuge) where they will not be ill.

Your partner is failing in his duties as a parent. You now have a choice to step up or fail them too.

They deserve better.

Oh dear!
Get over Christmas, then have a come to Jesus with him. There are some things that need to change.

The reason DM doesn’t like DP isn’t because she sees he’s unkind to her DD. It’s because he takes up her dd’s time, resources, attention… There are times her DD is unavailable because she’s being a mum and partner, and that’s not acceptable to her DM!

But yes, she will have trained you in the art of putting yourself last which leaves you vulnerable to men who aren’t good partners.

Thank you @WingsofRain ! Oodies, heated blankets and throws, hot water bottles! My poor obviously deprived son is as tough as old boots now 😂

This in spades he sounds horrible.

You shouldn't have to if you apply for child support. Or is he self employed and likely to lie about his income?

Perhaps it's time to contact Women's Aid and get some practical advice on leaving.

Was your earlier thread where you got bashed on AIBU? Try the relationship board for better advice and more compassionate understanding.

Good luck

Speak to your family. Your mum doesn't sound much better but at least she'd let your DD be warm. Or your brother. Or any of them. Just remove her from that environment.

Or speak to the council and tell them you've split with DP and now you and DC are homeless. That'll move you up.

Sorry OP but your home life is a far more pressing issue than your cantankerous DM.

Last year I was very worried about the rising energy costs and didn't put the heating on at all. Money was tight and I was stupidly anxious about the quarterly bill.

I layered up with thermals, thick pyjamas and a hooded dressing gown, a heated throw and a hot water bottle sometimes as well. I thought it was fine. I didn't 'feel' cold. What I didn't realise was that my core was warm, but my hands and feet were not.

Just one instance of getting in a hot bath not realising just how cold my extremities were, and I gave myself chilblains. Which is what your daughter seems to have.

The thing that sticks with me is it took seconds to 'get' chilblains from the bath. But I remember sitting in March trying to work, and my hands and feet were so itchy I couldn't concentrate. I had to go to the pharmacy and get some cream to help the itching, and it still took weeks to get rid of completely.

Now mine was stupid and self inflicted. Your partner has done this to your daughter, which is far worse!

Please, please look after your daughter. At the very least ensure her hands and feet are kept warm (gradually warm them up), and keep up the cream as she already seems to have chilblains. This is neglect, by both you and your partner. If school hear that she has chilblains and she mentions it's because your partner won't allow the heating on, you could be in a lot of trouble.

OP, leave and take your DD with you. Put her above this man in your priorities.

So far I've seen:

• he has me over a barrel
• he'd talk about how HE feels with the temp
• you had to have a hissy fit to get money for HIS mother's Christmas present
• he's like his own controlling father

So you know it. You know he's controlling and abusive. And you're keeping your daughter in that environment. Save her, if you won't save yourself.

Op I know this thread is about your mum but again that last post is just snide comment about how she is, is side stepping your basically married/partner the male version of your mum.

moan moan moan my way my way. That’s your partner and your mum.

It sounds like you have a much harder life than her so begrudge her complaints, please do you and your kids a favour this year and split from their controlling father.

What do you get out of this relationship OP?

He doesn’t sound like a good man at all.

Yeah your mum sounds a bit if a pain.

Of course the big problem here is your dp.

Your daughter's cold but you're not allowed to put the heating on?

He's an abusive bully. Have you thought about addressing this real issue first?

You are enabling the physical abuse of your child under your eyes!
Read that back again , you, are enabling abuse of your child

Your daughter's toes are blue with the cold?? Nah, that's not on OP. That's a miserable existence for your poor girl who has no choice in the matter. But you do.

For Christmas next year, I'd be in my own place, with my DC, who would have toasty warm toes and I'd be celebrating without 'D'P or 'D'M.

I don't think I'd forgive my mother if she ever put a man before me when I was a child.