Bye bye bigot MIL

@Coyoacan

Of course a person of privilege should challenge derogatory slurs.

But someone who hasn't directly experienced racism telling someone how they should handle it, is like a man telling a woman how to deal with misogyny.

Yes I agree @AppleChristsBirthdayMacchiato.
I think if Irish Travellers aren't recognised as such then they have passing privilege or white privilege as you say.

It comes back to the society you live in.
In Ireland at least, Travellers have a much harder time of passing, even briefly, whereas in London they'll often get mixed up with the wider Irish population (although there's still some general bigotry towards Irish there in some quarters unfortunately).

In Ireland, Travellers are easily recognised as such. Dress codes are often a bit different, social patterns are different, and the Traveller accent is different and very distinctive, although it probably just comes across as Irish to anyone outside the country.

When you're in a place where you're immediately recognised as a Traveller there is no privilege, quite the opposite. And this is in a place where (obviously) there is no general anti-Irish feeling.

It's no good to you if there's white privilege in operation across much of the world, but you live in a place where you're still constantly othered and marginalised and discriminated against and basically don't have any privilege at all.

That's been my point all along. There's nuance, it's not simple, things vary in different societies.

I have friends who are travellers, who are not white (Romani and dark-skinned). They have to deal with colourism as well as anti-traveller racism.

White travellers of course suffer racism but they suffer racism because white supremacy does not consider them white.

My friend was in a stage play about travellers at the Young Vic that brought together lots of different GRT people from different backgrounds, and the white travellers were treated noticeably different in London than the travellers with darker skin. There's a theatre company in London that is run or used to be run by a white traveller, who I used to work with, and she clearly benefits from white passing privilege at the very least.

I'm referring to the posters losing their stack and going "OMG how dare you use the word boomer you ageist bigot!!!" and not mentioning the racism at all.

Clearly there are posters who find the word boomer extremely offensive, but who don't give a shit and aren't bothered by racial slurs.

Just as an aside, I used to have an Edwardian era book on housekeeping and child rearing.
It gave suggested timetables from women with a full staff ("See the cook at 9am to discuss menus for the day") right down to women with no staff at all 😱

It went along the lines of:

6:45am Make and lay husband's breakfast.
7:00am Call husband for breakfast.
7:15am Clear breakfast. (Hopefully husband eats fast)
7:30am Get baby up. Feed and change baby; put outside in pram with cover appropriate for the weather.
Various other tasks (can't remember exactly - black leading the grate, cleaning the doorstep or whatever)
11:45 Bring baby in for change and feed...!

I didn't think you did, I was just adding the pram comment.

Where did I say it was bad?

Why is it so bad to give babies some fresh air these days then? I used to put my babies out in the back garden, not in all weathers like some, they were perfectly comfortable in their proper coach built prams.

Fucking hell!

MIL:
Upsets OPs young nieces with racist remarks
Upsets her parents with anti-immigrant remarks
Refuses to acknowledge current SIDS advice
Generally makes everyone uncomfortable

OP asks for advice on dealing with this, given DH doesn’t want to cut his mother off completely, and thread gets derailed because she brings MIL’s age into it as a possible mitigating factor! Unbelievable.

OP, my advice is to go as low contact as possible and NEVER invite her to anything that you want your family to be at. Ignore the posters that suggest your DS will be missing out on a relationship with ‘his Granny’. This is not a relationship that will benefit him. In fact he will be better off with a minimal relationship, so it will affect him less when he realises what an unpleasant person she is.

Yes, horrible racist post @WillowCraft!
My point anyway, if you read back, is what is true of one society is not true of another. Sure, if an Irish traveller moved somewhere they weren't instantly recognised as a traveller then they'd enjoy white privilege. But in Ireland they're not privileged. They're one of the most marginalised and disadvantaged groups in that society. It's similar in the UK.

My Mother is a boomer but would be horrified to be classed with your mil. Please don't classify everyone the same of any generation

I've reported too. Horrible post.

See I was nodding along with your first 2 sentences and then bam you got to the end.

reported.

Oh come on. Being racist was definitely acceptable in the 80s and still is now in many parts of society. Not everyone is part of the metropolitan elite.

My parents and in laws are all boomers and all have somewhat old fashioned attitudes in terms of women's roles and use some politically incorrect language at times. However only one out of the 4 is actually a racist bigot. I think that it is clear what the OP meant. Her mil is worse than could be explained by the cultural attitudes prevalent at the time of their youth.

She said this:

My children are also mixed race but different mix to my sisters children we have both married outside of our culture

OP confirmed her children are mixed race

I think she actually said that her children are from two different nationalities, otherwise why did she not mention that in her initial post where she refers to other relatives as being people of colour? Because racism is shit but is a whole different level when grandparents are racist against their own grandchildren and it would be very peculiar that the OP was more concerned about a niece that about her own children.

OP confirmed her children are mixed race.

@DojaPhat

Or you could just answer the question asked maybe?
Maybe take a look at the stats, I'm quite sure you'll be shocked. Not to minimise for a second the horrific discrimination faced by other ethnic minorities.

Would you have such nice memories if you were a different race to your grandma and she had used racial slurs about your race? In front of you? Really? Doubt it

It is not the actually grandchildren who are a different race.

I certainly don't enjoy the company of racists, but family often means we have to spend time with people with wildly varying views on issues and have to find a way of dealing with them.

My dm hated my cousin and his wife because they were religious bigots in N.I., but when she was dying in hospital, my cousin's wife, who I'd never met before, turned up and kept me company all through the night.

My mum was born in 1951 and she put me out in the garden in my pram in the 70’s and she did the same with my DS when he was a baby. I know for a fact that my best friend’s mum did the same with her.

Would you have such nice memories if you were a different race to your grandma and she had used racial slurs about your race? In front of you? Really? Doubt it.

@whatsitcalledwhen

She said plenty of other nasty shit. She could be a nasty, spiteful woman and hurt many people. But like all human beings she was complex and there were plenty of good aspects to her character. She was very funny and vivacious and her many grandchildren loved her company.

Has the OP defined these slurs? My grandparents would use outdated terms like "half-caste" and "darkie" without even a trace of meanness in their intention.

OP can do as she likes. I'm making the point that it can be more complicated with older generations. My other gran is fond of the word "proddy", despite having no feelings of ill will towards Protestants. It's pointless trying to tell her otherwise. She's a very old woman and that's just the way of it.

Glad I'm not part of that then!

A few years ago when Reni Eddo Lodge was trending I would have taken a screenshot of this post just to join in the chorus. This post perfectly encapsulates the need for REL's work. 10/10, no comments.

My parents generation would have done that, not mine

My parents were born in the 1920s