To have expected a gift?

Avacardo2023 · 28/12/2023 22:49

So you didn't get him a gift to open either? The only difference here is that you organised your own trip as well as his. He was probably disappointed not to receive a gift, unless you bought one when his original trip was cancelled?

Jingleballs2 · 28/12/2023 22:10

If his birthday holiday was also out of joint funds then I think you're being a bit unreasonable. I know you've been involved in planning this holiday, but that's nice because you get to pick what you want 🤷‍♀️

FieldInWhichFucksAreGrownIsBarren · 28/12/2023 21:59

Nope that is shit.
We did a kind of joint destination holiday for our 40th's-minus the kids. A family holiday is NOT a gift.
Did he get you nothing from the kids as if not that's even worse?!

BarkHorse · 28/12/2023 21:35

this is MN so people will be sneery - but you’re totally not being unreasonable. It’s your fortieth and he’s basically passed your annual holiday off as your present (that you organised). that’s utterly crap

randomuser2020 · 28/12/2023 21:28

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Tippexy · 28/12/2023 20:57

FuzzyPuffling · 28/12/2023 14:19

If he's paying for the holiday then I think that's fine.

They’re married…

BasiliskStare · 28/12/2023 20:56

Does every birthday need a present when there is a lovely holiday attached to it or just the ones ending in 0. If you got a nice card I would go with it. And if you are there and see something nice then he can buy it then and then and there. I can see if you have booked the holiday yourself then slightly disappointing , but I would not worry too much if I am honest.

Woahyeahyeahyeah · 28/12/2023 16:41

I get that not having a little gift to open on the day would make you sad but, a Holiday is a really big thing! Would the gift he bought you not be paid for out of the joint account anyway? Did he get you a card OP? It's my 40th next year and I would be super happy with a Holiday instead of a Prezzie!

meganorks · 28/12/2023 16:39

Personally I think YABU. I'd be more than happy with a holiday.

FuzzyPuffling · 28/12/2023 16:36

heyyouyesyouthere · 28/12/2023 14:45

I guess the difference is that his was a surprise fully organised by me. This holiday I have planned. I am surprised as he's usually quite thoughtful but clearly not this time round. In terms of finances, we only have one account and it's joint, no separate accounts.

In that case, anything he bought you would be from joint funds.

I don't really see the problem, except it didn't meet your expectations.

Toomuch44 · 28/12/2023 15:41

If you had total say over where you're going, maybe he sees it as a treat more for you. Might have been nice to have a small token gift though.

randomuser2020 · 28/12/2023 15:39

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NutellaRose · 28/12/2023 15:17

If I'm reading this right, you booked a city break for his 40th, paid out of your joint account, you are going on holiday for a week for your birthday, also paid out of the joint account, but you don't feel that it counts as a birthday present because you all get to benefit from it?

Did you not go on the city break with him and therefore didn't benefit from that?

Ok, he could have perhaps got you a little something to open on the day, but to be honest you said yourself that you had a lovely day with family and friends, and have a holiday to look forward to next week. I'd be counting my blessings, in your shoes....

Christmassss · 28/12/2023 15:06

Would you normally go on holiday at this time of year or is it purely for your birthday?

Do you think he felt disappointed when the concert was cancelled and you didn’t replace it with anything else?

How do you normally do birthdays?

budgiegirl · 28/12/2023 15:02

OP, I get where you are coming from. It's not the gift (after all, a holiday is lovely), it's the lack of effort on his part. I guess it depends how the holiday came about - did you say 'I'd like to go away for my birthday" and he said that would be a good present for you, do you want to organise it or shall I? Or did you decide to have your family holiday now, and he's just announced that will be your present after you'd already booked it?

Muchof · 28/12/2023 14:54

heyyouyesyouthere · 28/12/2023 14:31

@Sausages345pp a city break in Europe with concert tickets, I was proud of my efforts but then the world went into lockdown and had to cancel. Re booked a year later just without the concert tickets. It was a complete surprise for him. Whereas I've picked this holiday so no surprises!

So he got a holiday, that you benefited off and you got the same. And he managed expectations, or tried to anyway. I organised a birthday trip for my big birthday, it didn’t spoil my enjoyment of it, I liked organising it.

pleasejustnawta · 28/12/2023 14:50

Jeez I got a book for my birthday and that was great. You are quite spoiled.

BonnieIou · 28/12/2023 14:48

Both presents are similar so I can see why he would think that's your gift. Did you give him anything else to open on the day?

Christmassss · 28/12/2023 14:48

To be honest both your presents to each other sound similar.

It may be worth have another account each for personal spends such as presents for each other.

Kwasi · 28/12/2023 14:47

I think you're overreacting. You've literally picked your birthday holiday!

Perhapsanorhertimewouldbebetter · 28/12/2023 14:47

heyyouyesyouthere · 28/12/2023 14:45

I guess the difference is that his was a surprise fully organised by me. This holiday I have planned. I am surprised as he's usually quite thoughtful but clearly not this time round. In terms of finances, we only have one account and it's joint, no separate accounts.

It's quite possible to be thoughtful but also not place much emphasis on gifting.

Original poster

heyyouyesyouthere · 28/12/2023 14:45

I guess the difference is that his was a surprise fully organised by me. This holiday I have planned. I am surprised as he's usually quite thoughtful but clearly not this time round. In terms of finances, we only have one account and it's joint, no separate accounts.

OP posts:

Perhapsanorhertimewouldbebetter · 28/12/2023 14:44

I find the whole adults 'expecting' gifts a tad odd. You want something nice, buy it (or save until you can afford to buy it or get something smaller).

A familx holiday sounds like a lovely way to celebrate.

BonnieIou · 28/12/2023 14:41

So a holiday for his birthday, a holiday for your birthday. Struggling to see the difference to be honest, regardless of who picked it.

Notimeforaname · 28/12/2023 14:41

Am I being selfish to have expected something, given that we all actually benefit from the holiday! I've said nothing as I don't want to cause a row.

Not unreasonable to expect something if this is unlike him and he is usually thoughtful. Yabu if he is always like this and you dont speak up to save a row.