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AIBU?

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Original poster

To be upset they started presents without me?

140 replies

JellyWellyBoots · 25/12/2023 16:59

I told DD last night that if she wakes up early she can open her stocking and if Grandad (he lives with us) is downstairs she can go down, but don't touch any presents without me.

I woke at 7am, saw DD was up as her bed was empty, she hadn't opened her stocking just left them wrapped up still on the bed.
I go downstairs and to my horror my dad was putting together her MAIN present. I could have cried, I wanted to see the look on her face.
If I hadn't woken up when I did I would have missed it all, I got down in time to watch her open a few but she had already opened the main ones.
Am I being unreasonable to be angry with my dad? I said to him on what planet would a mother want to miss out on watching her child unwrap all the presents she'd spent hours shopping for, and wrapping.

I have put so much effort into today, & it really hurt. I'm not angry with DD as she's only 5, but surely my dad should have known better?

Or am I being a tad emotional?

OP posts:
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Sugarfree23 · 27/12/2023 21:00

Bless you Op. Missing your kid opening gifts is hard. I can't remember what we'd got our then 5yo.
I missed him opening I do vaguely remember seeing a video of it but its just wasn't the same.

Kwasi · 27/12/2023 18:59

JellyWellyBoots · 27/12/2023 18:52

It's water under the bridge now, he's said sorry.
We've not been getting on recently and I think had that not been the case my reaction to Christmas morning may have been more understanding.
I sat with DD all afternoon building her playmobile with her, then made bracelets in the evening which was my highlight.
Im definitely more emotional around Xmas, & I've had so many ruined by other peoples selfishness that I had high hopes for this one.

It wasn't ruined, just stung a lot.

I am so pleased to hear it all worked out x

Original poster
JellyWellyBoots · 27/12/2023 18:52

It's water under the bridge now, he's said sorry.
We've not been getting on recently and I think had that not been the case my reaction to Christmas morning may have been more understanding.
I sat with DD all afternoon building her playmobile with her, then made bracelets in the evening which was my highlight.
Im definitely more emotional around Xmas, & I've had so many ruined by other peoples selfishness that I had high hopes for this one.

It wasn't ruined, just stung a lot.

OP posts:
FlipFlop1987 · 27/12/2023 17:46

I’d be absolutely fuming! You wait all year for that joyous magical moment when they think Santa got their list after all.

I’m sorry this happened. A memory can’t be replaced but just remember it was your hard work that got it there in the first place

mum11970 · 27/12/2023 13:22

JellyWellyBoots · 25/12/2023 21:47

It's typical of my father to be honest, he's not considerate of others, he didn't see it as a big deal when I clearly expressed how upset I was. He didn't care. I spent hours picking out each gift, including all his presents which she could of accidentally opened! I wrapped them all and hid them, waited up late until everyone was asleep (hence the 7am 'lie in')
Then put them under the tree.

I've been quite low all day to be honest, not just about this morning but in general. I wanted so badly for this day to be special after having so many Christmas's ruined by my ex. I put so much fucking effort in.

Just waiting for bedtime now. Think I'll go for a really long drive tomorrow.

Your father was definitely out of order and no adult should ever need telling to wait for the parent of a small child before letting them open their Christmas presents but who were the ‘everyone’ that didn’t go to sleep until late? If they were up late I would expect them to be beyond the age of believing in Santa and you’ve not mentioned anyone else being around who could also have stopped a 5 year old opening presents or woken you.

Scalottia · 27/12/2023 13:16

Doggymummar · 25/12/2023 18:30

Me and my brother would always open our presents if our parents didn't get up. It never happened! Even the 3am mornings they would be up with us. Why were you sleeping at 7am?

That's weird. 3am, really? I don't know anyone's parents that would have done this, mine included.

In my experience you wait until everybody is up. It is interesting however to read everyone's views on this.

YANBU OP.

Lollipop81 · 27/12/2023 13:01

Of course he is in the wrong. Despite some of the crazy responses on here. He should have woke you up end of story.

eyespartyparty · 27/12/2023 09:46

I actually can't believe anyone is saying yabu on this one, I would be really upset to miss any of the present-opening at all, it's seeing their faces which is entirely the point of Christmas to me!

Newestname002 · 27/12/2023 09:36

But her dad presumably isn't an idiot and should have known better.

Agreed. I also think he really didn't care, especially based on OP's other comments. 🌹

Diggerdriverless · 27/12/2023 02:34

Lifeasiknowitisout · 25/12/2023 17:17

I am guessing as the presents on her bed were unopened, the message got confused.

She didn’t open those presents. She opened the others.

From your Op it seems that you told her but not him. He may have, listened to her. And it all got muddled.

Unless you think he did it on purpose, I would take a breath. Be a bit upset then move on. And next year I would suggest telling her that she can’t go downstairs until she has woken you up. Always makes life easier. A small child rushing downstairs to see their presents, is always going to want to dive straight in.

This

Wateroverwine · 27/12/2023 01:44

So happy these stupid Xmas threads are over. Be grateful you have family

OhcantthInkofaname · 27/12/2023 01:35

You never said what your dad said in reply?

Sugarfree23 · 27/12/2023 01:12

Thisreallyisntmyproblem · 25/12/2023 19:43

Bet he thought he was helping by entertaining a child early on to let mum have a lie in. Why does everyone assume malign intent?

That's what I think too. He was thinking about mums need for sleep rather than her want to see DD.

But he should have known better than to let her open stuff without mum.
Mum should have said not to go down stairs without her.

Teenagehorrorbag · 27/12/2023 00:00

I'd be upset but guess it was a misunderstanding.

Most parents would like to see the opening. When DTs were about 6 their godparents bought them a drumkit in a huge box, and it looked so massive they were beside themselves with excitement. I said they couldn't open anything until granny arrived (about 10 ish, we'd done stockings). I was upstairs when I heard shrieks of excitement and ran down to find theyd ripped off all the paper. When I remonstrated they said "but granny's here, she's just out there in the drive..."🤣🤣!

We had to laugh.....

sunglassesonthetable · 26/12/2023 22:57

You’re being unreasonable to expect a child to wait. Your instructions should have been when you wake up come and get me

Nope. Children have always ' waited'. That's what a stocking can be for.

I waited, my kids waited and I expect their kids will wait. You open presents together.

Zanatdy · 26/12/2023 21:34

Well my dad wouldn’t have done that, he would have said we need to wait for everyone to come as that’s what we always did, wait for everyone to see the kids unwrap. He doesn’t need to be a mind reader to know that. Very unfair

Ukrainebaby23 · 26/12/2023 21:32

Does your dad have any health issues ? Having difficulty with instructions and plans can be a sign of sometimes of dementia, eg ftd.
Especially with the lack of apology/empathy.

FirstTimeTTC989 · 26/12/2023 21:31

Your dad just doesn't sound very nice tbh. YANBU.

Pomvit · 26/12/2023 21:22

You’re being unreasonable to expect a child to wait. Your instructions should have been when you wake up come and get me

abeeabeeisafterme · 26/12/2023 20:35

YANBU at all. Buying, wrapping and giving gifts to my children they'll enjoy is much more enjoyable than receiving any gift. And that moment of opening a gift that you've thought about, spent money and time choosing, buying and wrapping is precious. That's why we sit there taking photos and videos. It's gutting that he treated what meant a-lot to you with so little care. I'm very sorry that happened, and he didn't apologise. Tell your dd that you co-ordinated with Santa so you get some credit!

rhianfitz · 26/12/2023 20:18

You are absolutely not being unreasonable. I would have been really upset too

Beautiful3 · 26/12/2023 20:03

Sounds like she was confused as she left her stocking unopened, but sent downstairs instead. It's nothing to get worked up about. The main thing is, she enjoyed her self.

DinaofCloud9 · 26/12/2023 19:48

Milkybarsareonmeeeee · 26/12/2023 18:54

You never told the 5 yr old to come get you at whatever time she woke then you both go down and see i if Santa had been . ?
Instead your Dd got up and you didn’t hear her, arent Parents normaly on pins Xmas eve .

You also never spoke to your father about it how was he to know .

Next Xmas storming you nee to get up with your dd

What a load of gibberish.

neighboursmustliveon · 26/12/2023 19:19

Seriously? No adult should need to be told that you wait for the parents to be there before they allow children to open
presents.

my mil stated for the first time this year and even though she is never there to open presents we still waiting for her to be up and about and all together before we started!

Harls1969 · 26/12/2023 19:10

YANBU - I'd be upset and mine are adults now, but the 'magic' years are so few you don't want to miss unless you have no choice. The best thing about Christmas is watching others open their presents. Those saying you should have told your dad - why? Surely everyone knows that a parent will want to see their child open their presents?

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