Would you acknowledge gifts

So you normally send gifts to her kids and didn't this year because of no thank you. Now you have a gift from her and won't say thank you even though you do know who they are from. Send a bloody thank you and leave it at that. Pot calling kettle black it feels

If you don't want the gifts can you post them back to her?

I think this is manipulative and wouldn’t respond.

I totally get it, OP, and listen to your instincts on this. It IS sneaky. It's so easy to straightforwardly send a gift and a card. But no, she's done this - to once again be taking up your headspace.

If she wants to offer an olive branch she needs to do so in a straightforward manner. Not send anonymous 'gifts' with massive strings attached. I really don't think people get it unless they have dealt with these types of difficult people.

And if she ever mentions it to your mother (or you - because she's done this to put you in a damned-if-you-do / damned-if-you-don't situation), just point out that you didn't believe thanks were necessary, as you never received thanks for the things you've sent to her children.

Always best to be reciprocal with this type of person - then they can never judge you without also judging themselves. They still will though, of course....

Just say thank you.

I’m confused as to why this is sneaky and cowardly?

I would ignore. If she wants contact, she can contact you.

I'd have the kids sent a thank you note. You know who the gifts are from (granted via your Mum) and leave it at that. Maybe this is her version of an olive branch?

Without a back story I'm not sure if this applies but I'm in a similar position of not talking to My sil and her sending unwarranted gifts. I thank on behalf of my dd to her dc (never to her) but make sure I do thank so I don't lower myself to her level.

Sorry Op I missed that bit. Leave it then, if she doesn't say to xyz from Aunty Nightmare they can't respond.
Have another glass of whatever and forget it.

No need to respond

strange behaviour

Unless you're going to send them back then you may as well just send a text of thanks, forget about it and enjoy the day IMO. Don't dwell.

All I can think is that your sister wants to open lines of communication with you and possibly mend your relationship?
It’s a bit clumsy but maybe she doesn’t know where to start or how to make amends.

I agree- acknowledge the gifts. Say thank you.The skincare stuff is presumably meant for you?

The tricky thing now is that if you and your sister don’t build any bridges this year what happens next Christmas? Should you expect presents again or send her family gifts?

Don’t feel pressured into being best friends. Perhaps you can move to a stage of having brief contact on special occasions and accept that although you don’t get along, you’re sisters and you haven’t cut her out completely?

Dont let this eat you up today. Give yourself time to think how to respond and what you’d like to happen.

I would tell your mum to say thank you.

I think it’s absolutely ridiculous that she wouldn’t put who it was from and you could have easily assumed they were from someone else and not thanked her.

But I do think gifts should be acknowledged.

Your mum told you it was her and so I think your mum passing on the thanks is fitting.

I don't think you're being churlish. Having parcels sent to someone's home without any explanation is weird. If your sister wants to extend an olive branch, she should be adult enough to start a conversation with you, or email, or text at the very least, not just send parcels and use your mother as the 'flying monkey'.

I imagine there's a lot more to your family dynamic than you've posted. And posting in AIBU about a situation that's probably caused you a lot of emotional distress is not the best place.

Trust your instincts 💐

That's good. I reckon like pp said it's an olive branch.

Are you saying she’s deliberately sent them without a note to be rude? Surely it’s more likely something happened with the Amazon label?

And are you saying it’s ruder to send a gift without a label than it is to not say thank you? Surely a quick text from your children wouldn’t hurt? You don’t have to say anything yourself, the gifts weren’t for you.

Im sure there’s a back story, but you’re coming across slightly strange and prickly in some of your replies to strangers. Perhaps this is an olive branch? You sound a bit determined to make it a big deal.

Another who doesn’t always get to add a note on Amazon and who thinks it’s an olive branch. I don’t get how it’s rude, it’s lovely at Christmas time!!

It is off the mark to send gifts like this. I get were you are coming from. If you are not ready for direct contact you could always thank her in kind by thanking through you mum and for letting you know what was going on!
My mum has done this a few times and it freaked me out. I was all stressed and ready to phone amzon and complain before I worked out it was from her. The things were really random too and not typical gifts. I am guessing she liked themamnd had forgotten to tell me she ordered them.
the stress really tainted the present. Is this lack of consideration symptomatic of why you went non contact

If, from what you’re saying, gifts have been arriving for your daughters from your sister, I presume, addressed to you but without a note to say who they’re from or for whom, then I agree, it is rather rude. She could address them directly to your teenage daughters if she wanted? I imagine she is on speaking terms with your children but not you which is interesting in itself.

In a similar situation, except my sister hasn't bothered for my dc, even though I took a lot of care for hers. I would say thank you. Add note option doesn't always work IME

To be fair- I’ve tried to “attach a note” to Amazon gifts and it’s failed.
The notes with gift cards from Amazon are tiny slips of paper- easily missed.

Agree with pp- this is an olive branch- up to you what you do with it.

I feel sorry for your poor mum acting as a go between.
Imagine how you’d feel if your children hated each other.