AIBU - Ring disappointment...

I would get serious stage fright if my partner told me to get him a ring and then do a performative gift giving ceremony. It’s not a proposal, he’s already done that. This is just a piece of jewellery.

Also, to all those saying he’s abusive, he’s not giving the op the silent treatment, he’s asleep. Not at all the same thing. If I was approached by all these demands just as I was going to bed I would shut up and sleep too.

Oh for goodness sake most men aren't sentimental like us get your ring and wear it lol

There are people who don't attach sentiment to things. I'm one of them. I treasure people and experience and memories but not things. I couldn't get excited by buying an almost identical replacement for something you'd lost. Instead of always seeing his behaviour as wrong and deficient, might it be worth wondering whether you are being unreasonable to expect such a song and dance over it? It's just a bit of metal and some stones like the one you lost. The years you've had together are what, IMO, you should be celebrating.

She'd be more likely to trade him in if he went along with this bended knee re-enactment bullshit.

Don't men get that? I don't think they do.
A acquaintance's of mine's wife was a right cow and - outrageously-asked him not to speak to his own parents for six months as she felt he was 'too close' to them.
Ball-less AND cruel bastard did just that. His mum was seriously ill at the time too. She still shagged his best mate and kicked him out.
Probably lost all respect for him. F* I certainly would.

Though I do appreciate your comment is meant to be light-hearted.

caringcarer
that’s what I was saying too!

🤭🤣🤣

"I thought he might redeem himself and present it to me in a nice way (down on one knee"

You're expecting too much. Real lift isn't instagram.

That aside, he sounds like a dick. The silent treatment is not an effective adult strategy for achieving anything.

I think you'll get different responses on here, depending on people's personalities. I don't get the fuss; you lost the ring, then you wanted to re enact it, but what's the point? If I were your dh and didn't feel the excitement, I wouldn't be able to pretend just to please you. Not a grown adult.

Dh lost his wedding ring the other year. We haven't bothered to replace it, because it's just an object, when all is said and done.

I find expecting people to react a certain way to anything, and then holding them to it, rarely ends well. That is very unreasonable to me. People can't help how they react or feel about things, and asking them to fake it is very odd.

I think the sentence where you say you feel very guilty and you wanted him to make you feel better is telling. He's not responsible for your feelings.

Well done for listening to advice though. Hope you have a lovely Xmas day OP. Give him a smile and wink when you open the ring.

Oh, and people need to stop throwing around the word abuse when there is zero evidence. That's a very serious word, let's not minimise it.

I’m sorry I agree OP. Some guys actually find all the bended knee stuff an ordeal the first time round. My instinct is he’s grumpy because he’s feeling you are trying to puppeteer him into that and he really doesn’t want to. I think you might just have to content yourself with the fact he’s replaced it ( presumably without a whinge that you lost it, which in itself might have tested his self restraint) and take the pressure off him.

He agreed to go shopping for a new one and therefore shouldn't behave like a grumpy arse in the shops. It doesn't take a genius to figure out that buying a new ring is meant to be pleasurable (irrespective of how the original came your way be lost) and he ruined that for the OP.
Silent treatment is also arsehole behaviour - OP is only focusing on a big presentation because she's worried he doesn't love her/has mentally checked out, so is looking for some reassurance on a way that would be meaningful to her. It's fucking horrible to call someone a princess, who is basically just worried.

Crikey, I never had an engagement ring at all. At the time (back in the Dark Ages) dh thought ‘getting engaged’ was desperately uncool. He’d probably have said ‘naff’ if the word had then been invented.

He did give me a lovely ring right after the birth of dd2, which meant a great deal more to me.

I think if I lost my ring my husband would buy me another but he would see it just as a replacement; rather like buying a toaster if the old one packed up. It doesn’t mean your DH doesn’t love and value you, he just views this in a different way.

They are married, he should know his wife well enough to know she was excited to be getting the replacement ring and act accordingly to make it special for her. When I had a replacement wedding ring because my fingers swelled up when pregnant my dh bought me an identical ring in a bigger size and when we were out for a meal held me hand, looked into my eyes and slipped it on my finger telling me he always wanted to be married to me. It took him 2 minutes but made me happy. I think that's all OP was looking for a bit of enthusiasm and romance. He just couldn't be arsed.

He still didn't need to behave the way he did in the shop.

Rude

Women are so fucking needy, honestly.

Whenever myself and dh have a fight dh uses the word ‘irrational’ to get me riled up and I always say ‘I couldn’t care less if I’m irrational, feelings are irrational in general but it’s how I feel!’ That kind of applies here, it doesn’t matter whether it’s necessary or unnecessary for him to do this a certain way or act enthusiastic, but it’s not a big deal and no skin off his nose to do it enthusiastically or make an effort

OP has given him a heads up. He just chose to be on his phone disinterested.

This. I can’t imagine losing my ring and expecting my husband to propose again and go all romantic.

You are completely right! I thought it said they’d been engaged for a decade, which is why OP was so upset!
Thanks!

They've been married for a decade.

There’s a time and a place for everything and the engagement has already taken place x years ago. I wouldn’t have been able to come across as too bothered either.

I really think Hollywood has ruined women's perception of romantic love. You're looking for a performance here. What you've imagined isn't the norm, why would he propose to you again? He's not a mind reader, why would he even know you're looking for that?
The silent treatment isn't OK, address his communication skills with him. However you need to think more about what's really important in a relationship.

Firstly, he went to bed.

You might bang on talking all night but most don’t.

But also be quiet isn’t always the silent treatment and it’s not always abusive.

It can be a reaction to abuse. And a million things in between.

They aren’t getting engaged. He is replacing a lost engagement ring. And he had even given it to her when she was complaining about how it was given to her.

Most people couldn’t be fussed about with a discussion, about how one person made up that it was a reenactment of their engagement and expected a proposal style presentation of the present, told me I shoved it under the tree and they didn’t like that the situation they made up in their head didn’t happen. All on Christmas Eve before I had even given the present.

Its bonkers. He shoved the ring under the tree? Doesn’t even make sense. The addition of the word shoved is there to portray he didn’t care yet millions of people all placed gifts under trees last night and it’s usually seen as an act of care.

But because op assumed she wasn’t getting the fantasy she made up in her head, it’s not an act of care? Or because it’s a man it’s not an act of care?