I trashed the house

You have just recently had a baby op. You shouldn’t be dealing with everything and your DH and teen (yes they should also be helping!) need to step up. Yes you lost it and quite spectacularly, but it sounds like you have been pushed to the brink. Time for your family to wake the hell up before you end up having a breakdown.

I remember my mother having an almighty temper tantrum because her family had abdicated any household responsibility leaving her to carry the load. We deserved the blistering she dished out as in retrospect we were a shower of idle shits.

Readers: we are all alive, kicking and in no way mentally scarred by the experience.

OP: they'll get over it

Why does SHE need to get a cleaner? There is a DH/dad here that isn’t pulling his weight. It’s THEIR house, THEIR kids, THEIR mess, THEIR clothes etc. We really do need to shift the default that women are responsible for all of this stuff.

This reminds me of when MIL said in the run up when she was giving me her list of demands having announced she was never hosting Christmas again "Christmas is only one meal you know!"
In my case Only one meal for 17.
Husband working on an emergency until 10 pm on Christmas eve and most of the week before.
Two year old teething.
Cleaning, decorating, present shopping, present wrapping,
Christmas food shopping, washing tablecloths, setting tables for 17, finding enough chairs and dishes for 17 in our tiny house. Cooking for 17, Running along the hallway from kitchen to Serve dishes at THE perfect temp for 17 whilst trying to avoid tripping over excited 2 and 4-year-olds.
Ignoring BIL saying "Haven't you even got a, b, c item?" Listening to BIL's complaints about how a Michelin star restaurant would have prepared it,
Whilst without asking FIL and BIL start handing out the presents you bought, paid for, wrapped TO THE WRONG CHILDREN! whilst you are removing dishes. So the one thing you wanted out of Christmas was to see your two under 4s faces as they opened your presents.
Oh yes and after the meal they wanted entertainment - although you'd spent time, money and effort into providing this - none was deemed good enough and was rejected immediately whilst they demanded "what else have you got." - then they asked me to bring it to their house the next day as they hadn't had time to organise the usual competitive game playing!!

Phew! Where's my laundry.. I can't wait to scatter it all over the living room floor and tell everyone to eff off 😂Seriously there should be a law against it. Thank goodness those days are behind me now!

It depends on the guests OP.. If its someone who will help a bit, it will get better. Your DH needs to help more NOW.
Your teen isn't witholding but is following the example set by DH.
They've watched you get pressurised in this situation and done nothing but will say you have exploded.
When you are feeling a bit calmer. Give them both a list of attainable jobs to do and tell them to get moving.
(I'd give your teen a hug first though, as its inexperience on their part. Mine were similar but really pulled through when they realised but it had to be done calmly)
Next time there is a gathering/event. Warn them well in advance what you expect them to do and what will happen if they don't. Formal Xmas dinners are a pain. Next year, Have Christmas Day as a small family unit and do what you want to. If you have to invite - have them after Christmas for informal eats. Less stress all round. Enjoy the whole Santa thing whilst they are young. You won't get that time again. Again. Can't stress this enough, when its calm, give DH a list of what you expect help with. Train the teen, There's loads of Instagram cooking vids. Taught them what I never could. Good Luck xx

I call it "Stressmass"

I've noticed more and more women scaling down the christmas work. Would that be an option for you.

Her reaction is her reaction. Teen undoubtedly causes as much work and does as little as their father. OP is exhausted and at her wits end and you should get off your perfect judgemental high horse.

Oh OP, I feel for you. Until a few years ago I was carer for my late DM and I remember literally crying over the Christmas lunch once as I was so exhausted. And I have a DH who helps (a lot), a DS who never complained that sometimes he had to come last and 'only' had my own little craft business so could work mum around it. Why was I in tears? It was the guilt at not being able to do everything at Christmas with my DS and DH that I wanted to do because I had to fit mum in. Then the guilt at feeling that way about mum. It was feeling I had to do everything because I was a SAHM (or any type of mum I think).

On top of the normal Christmas stuff I was trying to make it perfect to make up for it not being perfect.

But that taught me a lesson. Christmas isn't perfect. It's Christmas. Your house doesn't need to be spotless. No one is going to check that the cupboards are clean and orderly. The washing machine can go on at Christmas.

Give the teenager a list of things to do, even if it's just tidying up after their siblings or helping to get their food ready/feeding them. It's a life skill to get things done and they need to learn it. Stop doing it all.

Give DH a list. Everyone in our house has jobs to do at Christmas (and throughout the year but particularly at Christmas). Like regularly checking clothes are clean and ironed, the house is hoovered, last minute food is bought - and it's not all me now. On top of that DH shops for his family's gifts or they don't get any. I'm not his assistant, I'm his wife and he's capable of ordering from Amazon.

Things had to change and they did. I don't mind 'overseeing' things (as my DH puts it). I know what needs to be done, but they do it. DS puts the tree up and decorates it, helps with cooking, runs up the road for last minute food things. DH does the housework as I now work full time and still keep my little business going on the side and Christmas is insanely busy with orders.

I can't do everything. I've now admitted that to them and myself and if they don't help, it doesn't get done.

Have a chat with the family. Apologise for the throwing and swearing but hold them to their 'new ways'. Christmas is a team effort. You need help with it and they need to step up.

It is not the teenagers fault that her parents decided to have 2 additional children long after the teenager and so close together.

It's not the teenager's responsibility to look after the other 2 children and the house.

It certainly will not have been the teenager's decision that her parents decided to have guests at Christmas.

Please take advantage of their embarrassment and have a rest

When posters say "what about if it was the other way around?" I don't think they are really acknowledging that it is never so rarely the other way around.

i recently bought a dehidifier on line plug in next to washing spread on on clothes airer washing drys a lot quicker very cheap e to run per hour few pence cost i think about £150,drying washing inside in winter is hard,agree your husband needs to step up and help a teenager can also help. you sound worn out, sending a hug xx

Neither of them are pulling their bloody weight! Teen is 13 at the youngest, what 13 year old is incapable of tidying up, washing up, sticking a load of washing on? Like fuck should she apologise to them! Unless they have severe SEN and a mental age of 2, they should be helping out. My 7 year old is capable of washing up, putting her toys away and hoovering her room. A teen should have no trouble.

Actually by the OP losing it with her teenage DD and her husband together, she has taught the teenager something important - don't have children with a lazy partner.

You made a mistake OP because you were overwhelmed and it sounds like it's been resolved amicably with all parties so I'm glad to read that.

I just wonder though what the response on here would be if this was a man who 'trashed the house'... Actually I don't need to wonder, you'd be being implored to 'LTB'

Can you hire a cleaner / helper just for a few hours? You should be able to get one for minimum wage on a temp basis and that sounds like it would really help you. Why do it all yourself?

Or maybe her husband could use his eyes, see what needs done and do it.

You are taking on far too much. After Christmas you and your DF need to contact Adult Services and arrange an assessment to see what extra help he can get. You are no good to him if you're exhausted so outsource some help.

Is there room (and money) for a tumble dryer or heated airer? DH could go and get something today.

DH needs to majorly step up and parent.

It's not DD's fault you've had two more babies but she can keep her room tidy and start helping with laundry and cooking.

Speak to your HV or GP about the anger you feel. Be kind to yourself

But why are you running round after people who can do things for themselves? The husband and the teen can do their own washing, so why are you doing it?

Sounds like Christmas has just been the final straw to in already struggling OP. I'm glad it's kick started your DH and you've apologised to teen who is now doing something useful and might be a bit more thoughtful in future and pitch in a bit. On the whole no harm is done. You didn't trash the house. Hope you enjoy your afternoon out OP and come home to a clean house

You've just got too much on your plate. And exploded in a rage. Christmas preparations can be beyond stressful. And if other members of your fsmily dont pitch in its unbearably frustrating.

Don’t feel terrible.

They needed a kick up the bum and you gave it.

Don’t soften now and start doing it all!

Can you hire a cleaner / helper just for a few hours? You should be able to get one for minimum wage on a temp basis and that sounds like it would really help you. Why do it all yourself?

DH and I had a half an hour lie in this morning until 8- he said DC 'are old enough to watch tv and have some cereal for a bit '. I couldn't stand it eventually after I heard DS1 say 'Get a teatowel and some kitchen roll' and went downstairs to find:

Cats have enough food in their bowls to see them through to February 'They were hungry' said DD (6)
A packet of cat nip all over the floor in the kitchen, hall, playroom and sitting room ' They wanted to play' said DS2 (who is 4)
Milk and cereal on the kitchen surfaces and floor
Orange juice the same
Spilled orange juice on the playroom floor and rug
Chocolate coin wrappers being chased round the sitting room by the cats
DS2 has admitted to having 'a little few' chocolate coins
DD with a packet of crisps
DS1 on DH's phone to MIL saying 'I don't know- there's only us up but I've made us breakfast and put the telly.....oh here's mum.'
They were watching 'The Snowman' and there was lego all over the floor
Grubby chocolate handmarks on the sofa throw

I was a bit irritated because it means the day starts with extra cleaning up. DH came downstairs and said 'Wow, you made your own breakfast-that's really good- I'll have to show you how to make scrambled egg on toast, then you can make me some' and sat down in the middle of them on the sofa to watch 'The Snowman'.

MIL's gem when I took the phone 'Don't let them use the toaster. If the toast gets stuck and they put a knife in to get it out they'll electrocute themselves.'

You’re only human and all human’s have a limit. The important bit with your daughter is the repair and you’ve already done that so there’s not much else to do. With regards to your dh hopefully this will serve as a lesson to him and he’ll step up more consistently.

Cumulative stress grates and erodes,it affects mood,judgement,behaviour. @kate1996 snapped.
We all have a flashpoint, mainly we hide it,use diversion or it get displaced and comes out other ways
Some stuff got chucked, no one died
Some harsh words,some profanities again no one died