I trashed the house

Feel ill. I’m not ill, just feel it

Not much help, but also feeling completely overwhelmed with stress.
Had planned our day, but family visiting, so mass cleaning of rooms they will use 🤣
We are not tidy people.
But the visit, which we did say we were too busy for, is putting off all the wrapping I have to do.
I know I’m here typing but the stress of it all is making me ill

Don’t feel terrible ! Yes of course it would be better to communicate nicely rather than have a strop, but we are all only human.
2 under 2 is A LOT, plus caring for your dad? That’s really a lot a lot.

your DH will hopefully realise he needs to pull his finger out and pitch in, and your teen will realise you’re only human too (no bad thing, honestly. I was the teen when my mum lost her temper, and I realised we couldn’t just keep pushing and asking for more!).

take a break. X

Cancel any other plans, you are coming down with covid and you need a few days rest. Get help, you have to find a better balance in your family if it's pushing you that far, see your GP and explain this.

You don't sound crazy , just a mummy that's really overwhelmed and probably at burn out! Really overwhelming with small children and coping with all the housework. I'd try if you can apologise, say I'm really sorry but it's all got too much and ask if they can help you our, maybe put a cleaning schedule in place , hubby gets this job , teen gets this one?? Not sure will work but not fair for you carrying all the load, hubby and teen child need to step up and help out

He is a lazy prick. And you are overwhelmed because the situation is overwhelming.

Scale back: either get a dryer or tell dh he must do all the laundry and that everyone must have clean, sorted, clothes every day in order of importance: you, babies, teen, him.

You will have a tumble dryer in no time.

Say no or off load all inessential tasks to teen and dh.

Your husband and teen could both pull their weight. If you can afford a tumble dryer get 1 their well worth it just to get the bedding towels underwear and PJ's dry. A friend of mine has a condenser 1 in her bedroom. She doesn't have the room downstairs but would rather have it than do without.

@kate1996, you're not the first and you won't be the last mum to do something like this. I do sympathise. Women carry a lot of mental load, and so often it builds up gradually as women tend to be the principal carers of young children, ramping up from maternity leave.

When my dc were 3 and 10 months old, I had a tantrum brought on by tiredness and dh never lifting a finger, walked out of a holiday cottage in my pyjamas and crocs and kept waking. DH found my crying on a bench where I'd been stopped by a level crossing. I even told the baby to fuck off. It wasn't my finest hour, but it was a turning point.

I hope it's been cathartic for you. Once you feel calm, apologise to you dh and teen and come up with a plan of action where they both help out more. They'll both hate it, but realistically the domestic drudge needs to be shared by those who benefit from it, and can help. DH and my's split is now roughly I do food (planning, shopping, most of the cooking), he does clothes (washing, drying, most of the ironing). The dc (12, 15) look after their bedrooms and have jobs around hoovering and cleaning bathrooms. It seems to work.

"In his own words "lazy prick" now I feel terrible."

Don't feel terrible.

This is a typical response from a DH in this situation.
Turns it around and make himself the victim...I'm so terrible, I'm such a bad person, I'm a total failure, etc etc.
Don't take that bait and start reassuring him.

You will feel guilty when you say No to people, so expect it to happen.
But it's worth it. The guilt goes away after a bit.

As women we are socialised to take the caring role.
As soon as we have a child we are enforced to put our own needs aside as soon as that child lets out it's first cry.

We do put others needs before our own, and it so much easier to just do everything yourself that to keep asking.

So for most of us, there is a re-learning of how to ask for help and delegate the 'carer' role out to others in the family.

Don’t you DARE give any more headspace to guilt/shame! You’re overwhelmed, you’ve just had a baby. Sounds like your husband recognises where he is failing his partner and his children and I hope he corrects that. You need to start taking responsibility for meeting your own basic needs - clothes etc. You may need more, you definitely need a system that your dh and teen contribute fairly to, to keep on top of laundry.
In September, talk with your dh about Xmas and who’s doing what, and don’t overcommit: socialising can be beer and crisps/takeaways as easily as full on dinners, and life is very full of busy while children are young.

You remind me of my mum. She never chucked washing around (you didn't trash the house, by the way), but every now and then she would lose it and explode. She was a single parent and, although you have a partner, you sound like a single parent too. Poor mum. And poor you. Women carry too much of the load and something's got to give. I hope your family steps up and helps you rather than labelling you mad or bad. I think you're doing ok. But you need to take a break. So from me nothing but hugs and best wishes for you today, op.

YANBU OP

your husband and teen need to help more and pull their weight

It sounds like your DH has taken the piss by leaving all life admin to you and you rightly lost your shit. Team You on this one!

What area are you in ? (I understand if you don’t want to say) but if you are anywhere near me I’d happily help with your washing as I have a dryer till you can get one x

OP, sometimes it takes a blow out to get noticed. Ten week old baby , a carer for your dad and add Christmas on top, no wonder you lost it. It worked, ok you upset your teen You’ve apologised to her and DH has finally got his act together
Now tomorrow, get the guests to chip in, your ten weeks post partum remember. Ask for help. You don’t ask you don’t get.

You have a DH problem. You’ve been pushed beyond your limits.

Leave him with the kids and house and plans and go somewhere you can either sleep (a friends? Your mum’s? A budget hotel?) or sit in a comfy cafe and have some time to yourself.

Aw OP you just sound like a very tired exhausted mum who has been at her tipping point for a long time and not been able to hold everything for a moment longer. It happens and please ignore any judgy folk on here who want you to feel even more guilty than you already do.
Your teen is allowed to see that sometimes mums lose control as long as you then show him how to regain that control and how to reconcile properly. You are doing way more than is reasonable around the house and with 2 very young ones your husband really should be doing a fair amount of the load. Sending you the biggest cuddle OP, huge big cuddle.

Sometimes a reaction like that is what's needed to open their eyes. You can cajole, plead, cry...and they assume that when you've said your piece it'll just go back to how it was and you'll still do it all.

It’s easy to judge but OP I have felt like this before! Especially postpartum!! (Definitely look up postpartum rage because it could be hormone fueled too so be kind to yourself).

I wouldn’t take out the rage on your teen as isn’t their fault, but DH is absolutely being a cheeky fuck and I also wouldn’t stand for it!! I go mental if my husband lays in after he knows I’ve been up with the kids all night.

Hopefully today will be better for you and do not feel you need to host guests or make your house look like a show home for them!

Urgh, I remember very well have 2 under 2 and a lazy teen and now lazy ex. It's hard work, don't be hard on yourself

Oh OP, it sounds like you've reached absolute burn out :(
Obviously trashing the house and telling your family to fuck off isn't ideal.... but neither is getting to that stage.
I hope your family can see how mentally exhausted you are and provide som help.
Take a breath.

OP the best purchase I got was a heated drier . 9p and hour to run also keeps the room warm .
If you can’t afford it get last arse to do some over time !

Ypu have so much on your plate befroe the xtra stress of Xmas .
You need to apologise to your teen but also talk
yo them about helping out.

Saying all the above you still have a husband problem . He needs to change and pull his weight ASAP .

Oh my…at what point did I say “SHE” - you can be a plural and refers to the collective family. If no one enjoys or want to clean, outsource it! This is nothing to do with gender roles.

Do not feel terrible. DH should be doing half the house work, he lives there too and yes I think he's right he was being a lazy prick.

The DD too. What does choosing how many children you had, have to do with anything? She isn't expected to look after her sibling or do loads of house work, she's expected to pick up after herself, clean her OWN room and contribute some light chores to the home she lives in. I'd expect that of a 10 year old, never mind a teen, whether I'd had another baby or not. You're really not asking a lot of her.

Oh OP YANBU at all

It sounds like your husband and teen have been taking you for granted, not helping out at all and letting you run ragged...and with christmas piling up as well you finally snapped.

Now pick yourself up, dust yourself up and make a new years resolution that you won't let them laze about anymore. Teen does chores, DH does chores and childcare, spread the load of taking care of the house evenly.