I trashed the house

I think you did the right thing, they might actually see your point now and you did it in a relatively safe place rather than out alone with the baby or something. I’m sure they can sort some washing out.

If she has a toddler and a ten week old and is going out to work, even part-time (and I think she is in the US and has to go back to work) then that is an added burden to the work of childcare. Childcare is work, as is running a house etc. and an outside job on top is killing.

She seems to be in the US (uses 'gotten'). They don't really have maternity leave. So presumably she has to go back to work. Until the US enters the twenty-first century and the first world she has a problem. DH and teen ought to be more helpful, but DH probably has work stress too.

@Sugarsun

give over! She chucked a bit of washing around, she didn’t smash up the house, no big deal she

I hope your DH has really helped you today.

IT ISNT HELPING THE WOMAN. IT IS BEING AN EQUAL ADULT IN THE HOUSEHOLD. FFS.

This is so true.

OP I really hope you were able to go back to bed and get some rest.

I see someone has advised going to the GP. I don't actually think stress is treatable, depression may be. She hasn't mentioned this and even says that her daughter said the outburst was out of character. But putting a knackered mother of two babies on ADs because she is overwhelmed is completely the wrong approach. It allows lazy men to wriggle off the hook. Stress (and anger) are normal human reactions to being treated shabbily, overworked and taken for granted, surely.

I hope your DH has really helped you today. And he needs to realise, it's not about doing it once just because you lost it. This is his family and he has a responsibility to do his bit every single day at home- whatever his job is. Small DC are very hard work (I had 3 in 5 years) and can easily make you feel overwhelmed by everything they need and you get lost in it all and feel like you aren't seen (at least I did). I don't think I'd have coped at times if DH hadn't pulled his weight and that was with me being a SAHM. The washing and drying is relentless, so are thr nappies and toys and mess.

I hope you've had help today but also that you are helped every day by him from now on.

I'm glad your h knows he's been a lazy prick. I think he should take over the chores and childcare for a few days, allow you to rest. Sending you 💐

YABU. Guessing your lazy partner isn't the oldest kid's father? You shouldn't have taken it out on her.

You didn't trash the house - you threw some clothes around - nothing broken, no harm done. You're not wrong to lose it with DH. He's a fully grown adult and needs to pull his finger out and contribute to the running of the household. You were unreasonable to shout and swear at teen and you probably owe them an apology but you also need to sort something out so that they have some tasks to do to help around the house.

Anger is valid! I can't believe you're doing all the housework with a new baby, you've grown the baby and given birth to it ffs, this is when the dad should be doing just about everything! He's letting you down massively.

I've lost it a couple of times this weekend. Everyone wants Christmas, but no one will put any effort into it and I'm just done with it.
My ideal Xmas would be going out all the time with people, like I used to when I was young. But apparently you're not allowed to do that if you have young teens.
So I compromise.
Dh keeps going on about making the house nice, but is largely sitting around, so I'm doing fuck all.
Dd wanted to watch a Christmas film lay night, but ds pulled it apart the whole time. I hate Xmas films.. but you know, compromise.
I've tried to do simple family days out, but they all turn to shit. But I'm trying to make it Christmassy for them.
Dh spends most of his time on his phone, so I don't know why it's up to me to make Christmas. Everyone has to pull their weight, but if all 4people here want to live separate lives, then what's the point?

YABU obviously

This sort of snapping and losing control is very worrying, especially if you aim it towards your children.

If my DH did this then I know my loved ones would be telling me to get out asap.

We all snap sometimes but you cannot take it out on other people.
If you feel out of control then perhaps a trip to the GP would be a good idea.

In honestly I feel the same most days! Kids and I have had a sickness bug (me worse). I've been trying to do everything whilst feeling really unwell and I've completely had enough.
Partner got out of bed today whilst I did 6 loads of washing, up with DC, prepped Xmas dinner and then complained I've not helped him! With what I don't know as he refused to tell me.

I feel your pain. Would your DH help or understand if you spoke to him?

This. If you can look after the babies and the house alone he can too. Walk out and get a coffee.

No you didn’t over react. Go out for a coffee and a long walk ALONE and leave it all to him. There are two captains to the ship- you and your DH. Wtf is he in bed for when you are this over loaded??? Be selfish op x

I think the best Christmas present you could give yourself is the purchase of a tumble dryer - even if you’ve no room for one in your kitchen/utility - find a spot in the hall/ bedroom/somewhere. Get a condenser one so don’t need it vented through an exterior wall and only use it when you’re in the house.

Sounds like a logical response to everything @kate1996 . They need to begin to realise that you’re not a robot.

It's an awful feeling when you snap, but this is your brain firing a warning shot. You're under too much pressure and need the people around you to step up. Instead of chastising yourself, heed the warning.

Absolutely It's actually something mothers should do more. I'm embarrassed by how little I did as a teenager, whilst my mother worked and did nearly all the housework and shopping without complaining . No doubt she was tired and fed up most of the time. A good tongue lashing would have done me good.

@Christmasconcerts sorry I think I quoted your post in error. I was replying to another post! Comes from multi tasking!
I shouldn't be looking at Mumnets I should be getting on with Christmas tasks. Ha Ha.

It's not your teen's fault but presumably she does stuff like buts her washing in the basket & her laundry away.

Tidies up after herself so that you don't have to.

And obviously at the very least the same for your husband.

Honestly did he know that you were trying to get ready to go out?

Even if not he should have come to see if he could take the baby to give you a break from the screaming!

No need to feel terrible-you apologised to your daughter & your husband shouldn't have to be told that with two young kids you don't always get a lie in-even if it is your turn!

Don’t feel guilty because your partner has finally realised he is, indeed, a lazy prick. Let him rectify it!

Don’t feel guilty or anything like that OP. Most people have been here and snapped. You have dealt with it like a champ. Hope you get the break you deserve.