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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

am I being wrongly suspicious?

67 replies

Sunbeamsandshadows · 21/12/2023 22:14

This is an odd one that I could do with some opinions on please.
things have been strained between my husband and me for some time now and as a result sex life has been pretty non existent. We are trying to work through things but I’m not sure we’ll make it long term. We have 3 kids all under 7 and he works away 2 weeks on, home 2
weeks,
recently our eldest son had to stay in hospital overnight for a routine test. For a few reasons we decided it was best for my husband to stay with him overnight while I stayed at home with the other 2. This was a few weeks ago and last night my son said something really odd to me ☹️he said very seriously that when he was in hospital, in the evening a woman came to visit them and brought q present for him and a coffee for his dad and her and his dad were laughing a lot and as she lefy he saw them hold hands and he saw them kiss. He said he didn’t want me to be sad so was telling me. i didn't want to grill him but he said it wasn't a nurse as she was wearing a black jumper and jeans and left quickly.
i mentioned this as causally as i could this morning to my husband and he laughed it off saying nonsense, it must have been a nurse or another parent on the ward stopping to chat, or someone from the charity workers who give out small gifts to children and a toothbrush care package to parents. but something in his "whaaat? nonsense" response just didn't feel right somehow.
something is ringing alarm bells for me as my son doesn't lie, he does have an imagination yes but this was so so specific down to the clothes she wore. I just don't know what to do next ☹️

OP posts:
Mumof2NDers · 21/12/2023 23:45

When my DS was about that age he told my mum DH had punched him in the face!
DH had never ever laid a hand on him. He had a very vivid imagination (think imaginary friend type imagination) 🤷‍♀️

Original poster
Sunbeamsandshadows · 21/12/2023 23:44

I wondered about calling the ward but I’m not sure - it’s a huge hospital (London) and so so busy and I think they might say no idea sorry why don’t you ask your husband and I’ll look a bit odd 😢
annoyingly it’s a total anyone can visit anytime and not sign in or out so I doubt they’d have any idea of parents /visitors/ charity workers coming in and out of a day, the times I’ve been there with him it’s like a constant stream of adults in and out all day on a busy ward ☹️

OP posts:
Kitkatcatflap · 21/12/2023 23:40

Can you ring the ward/hospital and say your son keeps talking about nice lady who gave him a toy and bought your husband a coffee. Your husband thinks she could have been a volunteer or a nurse and you want to drop her a little thank you note.

KnowledgeableMomma · 21/12/2023 23:39

@Sunbeamsandshadows , depends on how far you feel comfortable going. Check his phone for sure (either by asking or when he's not around), start stalking any social media he has, Air Tag something he takes with him to work so you can see his location, get friendly with his relatives or anyone he talks to regularly to make sure that what he tells them is what he tells you. Ask more questions to your son to see if anyone on his social media matches that description, etc, etc.

Original poster
Sunbeamsandshadows · 21/12/2023 23:27

how do I be a detective? I literally have no idea where I’d start! He’s also away every 2 weeks for 2 weeks, working 12 hour shifts while I’m at home so not sure how I could check up on him then ☹️

OP posts:
KnowledgeableMomma · 21/12/2023 23:25

I agree with a previous thought, I'd be going full-on detective, especially if my gut was telling me something felt off with DHs response.

Original poster
Sunbeamsandshadows · 21/12/2023 23:17

All good points I’m holding onto!

he didn’t have a temp or anything - it was a routine test so he was well when he was in. The previous times I’ve always been with him so even if a mum from before was there again this time my husband wouldn’t have known them, but parents of kids with this condition are very supportive so the thought of someone bringing a coffee in for another parent or giving a small toy to another child from the shop there isn’t crazy to think of.
i think it’s the detail with which my son said it and the serious tone. It really didn’t feel made up ☹️but surely it can’t be true? ☹️

OP posts:
Mostlyoblivious · 21/12/2023 22:49

Could it be the Mum of one the children - an assumption being you’ve met them before if your dc has been an inpatient before?

TippyToes123 · 21/12/2023 22:49

I think you should just hold out and see if anything else happens. When my son was in hospital (as a baby) I was so tired from lack of sleep that I had weird hallucinations. Your son could be getting mixed up with what he's actually seen.

Datgal · 21/12/2023 22:49

Did your son have a raging temp or anything? I could have sworn something happened when I was little which actually didn't. It was something I thought my sister had done, but didn't make much sense. I still believed it until I was much older.
I just don't get that your husband would meet ow at the hospital your son was at? Just seems very odd.

Notimeforaname · 21/12/2023 22:45

You wont know anything else unless you ask him and I agree its probably not a good idea to ask him. Do you think you can try to let it go for a week or so before you ask your husband again? Or do you think you could just let it go entirely bit watch for anything else strange?

Original poster
Sunbeamsandshadows · 21/12/2023 22:44

I really hope it’s this and it’s all just got a bit confused in his head.

OP posts:
Notimeforaname · 21/12/2023 22:42

Any chance hes confusing it with a weird dream ? Being in a weird place away from home, seeing strange people talk to his dad all day. Or maybe he was groggy and waking up/falling asleep and confused something?

Original poster
Sunbeamsandshadows · 21/12/2023 22:42

See this is the part that makes me think it can’t be true, surely he wouldn’t invite some woman to a ward and kiss her? It’s not exactly a romantic setting, a gastro children ward 🤦‍♀️It’s not even soap opera likely. And yet, something is sitting badly ☹️did he maybe take an opportunity to see her knowing I was at home? Or am going mad ☹️

OP posts:
iamenough2023 · 21/12/2023 22:41

It is very difficult, I know, when something like this comes up and the other person does not seem to take it seriously. If I would ask my ex something like this, he would never give me a proper answer. He would laugh, make up things that are obviously not true, but will never give me an answer that would put me at ease. This was driving me crazy. I do not have an answer for you OP, but I can see this is not something you can just let go.

Shouldershoulder · 21/12/2023 22:40

Would he really kiss a woman in sight of his child? Did he not think that your son would tell you this woman had been to the hospital? He's certainly brazen.

Original poster
Sunbeamsandshadows · 21/12/2023 22:39

Exactly, I don’t want to grill ds☹️he said it was a kiss on the lips and something has made him uneasy
to have told me this last night ☹️he was a bit quiet coming out of hospital but I just put it down to being tired ☹️

OP posts:
Pottedpalm · 21/12/2023 22:38

Sunbeamsandshadows · 21/12/2023 22:35

It depends - can be 1 hour - 5 hours away, job depending.

So this ‘visitor’ not likely to be local.
if it wasn’t for the kiss, his explanation sounds plausible. Could it have been a kiss on the cheek type if hug? I suppose you don’t want to quiz DS too much.

Musntapplecrumble · 21/12/2023 22:37

Aww guess u gotta just let it go but be vigilant at the same time, keep your eyes open for anything else a bit off...hope it's all over nothing...

Notimeforaname · 21/12/2023 22:36

You have a choice to believe it and ask him leave which would be a bit extreme this close to christmas with no actual evidence...or if you think you can,try to put it to the back of your mind wait it out until after Christmas. And then revisit if you still feel uneasy about it or notice anything off.

Original poster
Sunbeamsandshadows · 21/12/2023 22:35

It depends - can be 1 hour - 5 hours away, job depending.

OP posts:
Original poster
Sunbeamsandshadows · 21/12/2023 22:34

That’s the thing, neither of us ever lie really (or so I thought ☹️) so I’ve not really any idea if he would be good at this or not ☹️

OP posts:
Pottedpalm · 21/12/2023 22:34

Is it far, distance wise, from
your home?

Original poster
Sunbeamsandshadows · 21/12/2023 22:33

He works a mix of on rigs but also on shore, just stays away for those 2 weeks at a time so it’s not impossible he’s met someone but I really didn’t think he had☹️

OP posts:
Musntapplecrumble · 21/12/2023 22:32

Wow, if he's lying it sounds like he's doing a good job...I guess comes down to how well he can tell porkies!
Glad ds OK