To look nice for husband?

For my own sanity, I’d never stay in my pyjamas all day.

get up, get dressed, Vaseline on my lips and my hair in a ponytail. Basics.

Further to this on NYE we held a small party (or soiree!) at out house with all our children and their partners and some others like my brother and a few friends and quite a few stayed over. It was our youngest’s birthday too! Then yesterday when everyone had left and we’d cleared up about midday DH suggested we went out for a meal so I changed into an ankle length black leather skirt, knee high boots, a white jumper and long black puffer coat and we walked about mile to a hotel in the town where we lived, arm in arm, and it was a really lovely afternoon and I know DH appreciated me making the effort.😀Sometimes the marriage has been rocky but when you get nice days it makes up for it.

My mum was the same as you. As soon as it was near to my dad's home time she would do her hair and makeup, spray perfume and be ready for him. They were a very happy couple

I think there's a big difference between looking nice for your husband and not wearing pj's.

Personally I prefer to wear clothes like jeans or leggings. But that's because I go out every day to the park or shops or just feel better wearing clothes. Maybe just try something different and see what you prefer.

I don't - I just like to be well groomed when I leave the house - the school run days have long gone.

@Char65 when I'm on the school run I'm trying to dash away to get to work, not flouncing around the headmistress 🤣 Why would you care if she thinks you're well dressed?

Similar, though I do dress nicely sometimes just because I think I'd rather get the use of the nice clothes than have them languishing in the wardrobe unworn.

We tend to use 'best' now rather than put them away for another day.

I dress up/make up when I can be arsed or if he is taking me out, which is hardly ever.

Travellers are as ‘western’ as anyone else, and their ‘familial traditions’, as well as the stigmatisation to which they are subjected, mean that Traveller suicide rates here are six times higher than the rest of the population, infant mortality far higher, Traveller men die 15 years earlier and Traveller women 11 years earlier on average than the rest of the population. Their mental and physical health is worse, and 7 out of 10 Traveller children live in homes where the mother has either no formal education or primary school only. Hardly benign.

That wouldn’t work for me.

I will never be ok with sexism and inequality.

This is also AIBU, if OP didn't want opinions then she was free not to open herself up to them.

Most cultural traditions believe in gender differences. In traveller culture, gender roles are very clearly delineated. Such traditions are precious to individuals and trying to erase them is a form of Western cultural colonialism. I imagine he will try to please her in a way that is culturally appropriate to his sex. And that's absolutely fine. We need to be ok with such differences and leave people alone to enjoy their familial traditions in peace.

Sorry no PJs. You don't have to go over the tip but I think it's lovely that you want to make an effort.

I couldn't be arsed with this at all.

It does sound like your DH doesn't expect it, though - you're doing it more for yourself - and that's a much better position to be in.

It's nice to know that when you're ill or ridiculously busy that he's not going to expect you to doll yourself up for him.

Crack on if you're happy, OP.

As long as it works both ways.

The pressure is very one sided.

It's nice to try and please your spouse.

Leave people and their traditions alone.

I'm glad I don't have a DH to dress up for, unwell on the sofa at present, need a good wash, no make up 😆

Depends on you OP, if you like the ritual of dressing up, makeup etc then fine. If you're unhappy with the status quo then you don't have to go to great lengths.

I like to look as good as I can when I know someone is coming to my house, so I'll have a general tidy up, check my hair and change my clothes if I fell the need. I'm always smartly dressed when my ex brings my little one back home, for instance. It's natural for me.

I've always been a SAHM I'm 58 now and DH is 71 and when he was working I would make a bit of an effort for him when he came home from work if I had been with the children all day but agree with @PeppermintMandy . I wear comfy but not scruffy clothes at home with my toddler. I would never stay on PJs all day as it would make me feel crap. I do my hair and make up in the morning. It makes me feel good and “put together” and ready to leave the house if I have to/if the opportunity arises.

I've always liked fashion, clothes and make-up and would never dream of leaving the house if not well groomed if you will and that included the school run (the children's headmistress once commented on how well I was dressed in the morning!) I feel for me it is a confidence thing and second nature now. I also like the compliments form DH especially when we go out,

All this - I can't imagine looking good for someone else, or calling myself mummy or wifey or you must only look good for yourself or else your children will be whatever - such small-mindedness that you can't imagine other people do things different from you and thinking your way is the 'right' way. Most humans do many things because of other people.
Most of those turning up their noses won't think twice about looking nice if someone was coming to their home to fix something or some visitor was coming in. What is wrong for a person to do something because of someone they love? Surely you can imagine doing things to make your partner smile, cooking something they like, wearing certain underwear or perfume the find sweet? I certainly like certain perfume on my partner and like it when they wear it. My uncle used to wear a certain t-shirt especially for my aunt because it made her smile after difficult days 'let me go and change he'd say' all excited. My best friend's husband started having a professional manicure because his wife liked it. 20yrs ago he started, still does now.

OP enjoy dressing up for your husband if it makes you happy and makes life more exciting. I think it's nice to do things that your partner likes and they do things you like too.

I like to look nice. For myself. My husband apparently likes and appreciates me whether I’m bedraggled or “made up”. And that works both ways.

I suppose it's the intention. I feel like the OP's intention is purely all to please her husband but you can get dressed each day, brush your teeth and hair etc to benefit yourself.

I agree that there's a fine line since we do live in a society which conditions us to please men.

I don’t stay in pyjamas because it makes me feel a bit sluggish (and my toddler is wild if I don’t take him to at least the park). I do wear comfortable clothes most of the time though, and I don’t make any additional effort for DH finishing work. We’ve been together 14 years and he’s seen me looking far worse than I do day to day .

But if it makes you feel happy and confident, crack on. It’d only be an issue if your DH was forcing you to get dressed up.

It's an interesting question though isn't it: where is the line drawn between looking good for yourself and looking good for the male gaze....

I generally like to look reasonably groomed and don't enjoy looking like a slob. I've always told myself I look nice "for me" but it's impossible to decouple how much of that is driven from myself and how much of it is learned behaviour based on the behaviour of women over generations which was driven by the desire to stay in their husband's good books (with the unspoken but clear implication that failure to look nice enough could jeopardise your financial security).

I'm uncomfortable with the idea of making myself look nice for my partner but also wouldn't particularly expect him to appreciate me with unwashed hair, holey clothes, smeared makeup and unbrushed teeth. I dress nicely and put on makeup if we're going out and if we're not going out I would put a brush through my hair, brush my teeth, maybe put on light makeup. I would definitely draw the line at heavy make-up, implants, fake eyelashes or lip filler but I'm rarely completely unvarnished.

I wouldn't particularly appreciate my partner coming over without brushing his teeth or bathing either, and I expect him to pay a degree of attention to his clothing, so to some extent it works both ways but men aren't inherently expected to "do themselves up" in the same way.

To what extent can we ever be said to be genuinely doing it "for ourselves" as opposed to "for men"? I don't know the answer!