Bit sad after seeing ex

I wouldn’t have gone to see him in hospital. You need a clean break. He’s choosing a single life so has to accept that comes without a partner to visit him in hospital. I presume he has friends & family.

Dear OP, you're such a kind, sensitive soul. You did the decent thing by helping him out, that shows what a beautiful partner you must have been to him. But you need to cut contact right here and move on. I know someone who married a commitment phobic guy, and the man regretted it immediately and it ended up in a bitter divorce. I don't know about your ex but this guy was well known for being a serial cheater and he could never stay loyal to this sweet girl. They also married late, in their late 30s and 40s, and the girl wasted 2 precious years which she could have rather spent finding the ideal man for her. She also wants to settle down and have kids but it's the biological clock that keeps ticking and the closer you get to the 40's mark, the harder it gets.

Please do not consider it as a loss, rather you did the right thing by ending it. It's his loss for not appreciating you and wanting to be committed with you. To be honest, we can't understand what's on their mind, some people just aren't suited for commitment and it's best you ended the relationship. You'll eventually find someone who's ready to spend his life and have kids with you.

I wish you all the best OP, I know it must be hard but you deserve better and you'll definitely get it. Stay happy and be proud of who you are, you're worth gold!

You’ve done the right thing. The difference between a caring, committed man who wants to build a life with you and a man who isn’t that bothered are night and day.

You will know it when you find it. That old cliches ‘actions speak louder than words’ and ‘when someone shows you who they are listen’ are so true. Prioritise yourself for the time being, get out and do new things. Clear your head and delete your exs number. In a year this will be a memory.

Very proud of you for leaving 🙂 well done.

Now stay away from the prick! He doesn’t want you.

At 33 you don’t have any more time to waste on him. Get out there and date if you want to have a family.

I was also with a commitment-phobe in my late twenties and early thirties. He’s still the same and I’m so glad I left him when I did.

Sorry you are feeling sad. Is marriage very important to you? Why?
When you lived together, did you contribute financially equally? I can see his point about the house. Is the doing the deposit 100%? He is happy for you to live with him, but doesn’t want you to take 50% if you decide to leave. Fair enough right? What’s the problem?

You really don’t want to be with someone whose reason for being with you is because they don’t want to be in the flat alone in case something happens. As far as seduction goes that is the bottom of the barrel.

you should be with someone who WANTS to commit to you and build a life- not someone who might offer you crumbs as a last resort to keep you on the hook. Please cut contact with this man

You did the hardest bit and left…now block his number and move on so you are free when you find the man who deserves you in 2024.

Oh @Sandstorm33, I'm sorry you're feeling sad.

You've done the right thing, you just have to grit your teeth and get thru it

Maybe he'll realise what he's lost and want to commit, but it's a very small chance, and don't waste your resilience, pinning your hopes on that

Has he said why he is averse to commitment? Sometimes, seeing friends/family/parents go through a messy divorce leave a lasting effect on the brain. If he is naturally cautious this can be a big barrier to break down.

You are a nice person.
now it is time for someone to appreciate you.
no cuddling, no texting, no helping out. You get those things if you are in a relationship.
not in a relationship? Hopefully you’ll have some friends. Or the money to pay someone.
can we make a plan? Sure, you can make a plan, but I am not waiting for you.

What a kind and generous person you are.
Your ex has gone through a difficult time health wise, I do feel though that you should be protecting yourself.

You seem to be making progress in getting over the disappointment of the ending of the relationship, don’t fall into the trap of wasting more time on someone who does not want to commit to you.
Plan for the future, don’t look back!
There is every chance that this time next year you will have found someone who deserves you. The ex certainly does not!

So if he promises to getting married next year, you'll get back together?

Hoorah!

Oh wait ... when next year comes and he says let's wait another year ... then another year!!

He's using you darling.

He doesn't love you enough to commit but you'll do until something better comes.

Why have you not blocked him? So if he gets ill again, you'll go running?

You're just a make do, until he finds someone he believes is better.

You see it time and time again on here. Happened to my poor SIL, was with my BIL for years and years.

Desperately wanted a baby and marriage. He wouldn't commit.

She finally managed to get him to commit to marriage. He left her the next year remarried almost immediately and had 2 kids.

She's in her 50's now, no kids and so bitter. To be honest I'm bitter for her.

Please block this prat. You deserve so much better.

You need to stop contact with him. I know it was kind of you to go and see him in hospital but I think you have to have stronger boundaries here.
He didn't want to commit to you so now he can't expect you to visit him hospital and be at his flat "if something were to happen". He made his choice by not committing to you. Now he's been unwell he starts thinking, mmmmm, might have been useful to have OP around, mmmmm... maybe I should make some noises about committing to her.
Is the "deposit on the house" stuff meant to be he's putting a deposit on his own house down or is it trying to draw you in "I've saved enough money now for a deposit on a house"... big hint kind of thing that maybe he's in a position to buy a house and maybe with you? ie. future faking

I think you might have posted on here before in the run up to leaving him? If not, I've read very similar recently. If it was you, you spent a long time considering this and decided to leave him and also making it clear to him that without commitment you would be leaving.

You absolutely need to stick to this decision so that you can be free to move on and find someone else who is prepared to commit to you.
You cannot trust a word this man says. Do not waste another minute on him. And you need to stop contact.
I took a long time to finally break from my ex - we got back together a few times when he promised to change and so on - he did for a while and then went back to his old self. The only way I could completely get out was by going completely non-contact with him.

You deserve better and not to be bread crumbed. Repeat after me - I will no longer be someone’s option when I can be someone else’s priority. Then block all contact with him and take some time to focus on yourself.

I think you did the right thing helping him.

I'm sorry, this sounds like such a hard and sad situation overall.

One of the things I often find helpful to remember when a relationship ends is that the difference between a romantic/coupled relationship vs a friendship isn't the physical element/sex etc. It's the emotional dependency. The fact that you are each each other's first port of call when something really good or really bad happens. When a relationship ends, you HAVE to force that to end too. That's why the cold turkey method is so effective.

His being hospitalised was an extreme circumstance, granted, but from now on I really would go completely cold turkey. Tis the season after all! Not in a rude way - I tend to just send a message saying something like, "For my own wellbeing and healing, I need to cut contact for the foreseeable. I won't be in touch from now on and please don't contact me, either. If and when I'm ready to be in touch, I'll contact you, and it's then your call to decide if you want to be in touch again or not." Then block them everywhere.

i'm sorry again, and good luck.

He sounds like he is prepared to use you until something better comes along. He doesn’t want to tie himself to you but is quite happy ticking things along at the moment.

even things like text messages just help his ego so he knows he can get a woman if he wanted to. Don’t waste your 30s on this man, it will be the worst mistake you make

You helped him because you are a decent human being, he is ok now so time to cut contact. Don’t end up hoping he will change his mind.

You sound like a very astute and kind person. It’s natural to feel like you do, but you sound strong and you will move onto better things in the future.

It’s only normal to feel that way after seeing him again. It was very kind of you to put any ill feelings or hurt aside and help him in his time if need.

I think you’ve done the right thing about ending it. I would have read his message as he wants to carry on and not make a plan for the future which isn’t what you want.
You need to put yourself first. You both seem to want different things in life . He was happy to continue as things were and who knows things might have naturally progressed but it would have been at a pace he was happy with. You want more, you want to know that bigger commitment is coming sometime soon and he couldn’t do it.

I think it might be best to slowly cut contact. Stop the messaging etc and both try to move on. It’s sad his family aren’t close but thats nothing to do with you now.

Take time to grieve the life you thought you would have with him. Only natural to feel sad about what you are losing as well as what you’ve lost. I’d start the new year with a fresh start of focussing on you and what you want.