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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To have said she’s too old for it?

120 replies

Prangle · 17/12/2023 08:18

My sister owns a caravan at one of these seaside leisure parks. On site they have a pub which does regular parties and events for children but it’s very much geared towards small children (I’d say upto the age of 7 maybe but most of the kids are toddlers and 5/6 year olds). Sister bought the caravan 6 years ago when her daughter was 5 and they attended every party the pub held. She often invited us too as my DD was the same age.
Last year they invited us to the Halloween party but DD being 10 didn’t want to go. I went along anyway without DD. Her daughter (also 10) really stood out amongst all the little kids, she’s big for her age do start with so towered above all the others and just looked really out of place. At one point another parent came across and said her DD had pushed her toddler over in an argument about one of those mechanical rides. Sister was defensive and said her daughter gets picked on because of her size. I didn’t say anything.

Yesterday was the Christmas party, the girls are now 11 and so there was no way my DD would go but I went along. Niece again looked so out of place - standing in line to see Santa, sitting in the circle playing games with the little ones, pushing little kids out of the way to see Elsa …

I said to sister “don’t you think she’s a bit old for this now?” Well it didn’t go down well!

WIBU?!

OP posts:

Lastqueenofscotland2 · 17/12/2023 08:19

Yes YABU, if she enjoys it it really doesn’t matter her age.
Deal with the pushing if you must but let her enjoy the rest.

cloudfree · 17/12/2023 08:20

Pushing over kids is out of order but there should be no age limit on kids wanting still to be kids.

ElevenSeven · 17/12/2023 08:20

The age thing isn’t really an issue, but she shouldn’t be pushing anyone.

Newuser75 · 17/12/2023 08:21

Yes definitely no pushing but I wouldn't say an 11 year old is too old for a party like that.

Whaleandsnail6 · 17/12/2023 08:23

Its not your place to say shes too old for it... I'm not surprised your sister got defensive.
I think this is one of those situations where you should keep your opinion to yourself

Hibambinos · 17/12/2023 08:23

It suits your sister to have her dd involved in all this. She took it personally because she knows you’re right.

EmptyYoghurtPot · 17/12/2023 08:25

Did you, sis or other parent see the pushing? Toddlers are not the most reliable witnesses. I work in Early Years and am always being told someone ‘punch ed’ someone else when it turns out they just stepped in front of them or something. If the girl is happy and that was an isolated incident then why does it bother you so much?

RedHelenB · 17/12/2023 08:28

Hibambinos · 17/12/2023 08:23

It suits your sister to have her dd involved in all this. She took it personally because she knows you’re right.

You're being very mean about OPs sister. Her dd will be too old for it when she's ready, just as yours felt too old at 10 her d's might feel too old at 12. The main thing is children are individuals.

Pipistrellus · 17/12/2023 08:30

I don't see a problem with her attending but I'd expect an 11 year old to be helping out with little children or at the very least letting them go first. Not pushing them or racing to the front!

NonPlayerCharacter · 17/12/2023 08:32

She's not too old if she wants to be there but she's much too old to be pushing other kids.

vanillaredbushtea · 17/12/2023 08:32

Who are you to say she's too old. Focus on your own kids.

NotExactlySuits · 17/12/2023 08:35

No she's not too old. What a sad way to think. She's a child!

MintJulia · 17/12/2023 08:36

If your dn enjoys it, then fair enough, but if your dsis is pushing her dd to take part because she's bought the caravan and wants to get full value from it, or because she is in denial that her dd is nearly a teen, then no, yanbu.

What does your dn think? Does she need your support to stop her mum being so embarrassing or was she happy? Must be pretty isolating for her if she's the only 11yo.

Lindy2 · 17/12/2023 08:36

Why does it bother you so much what your niece and sister enjoy?

Your DD has decided it's not for her which is fine but if they're still enjoying it, just leave them alone to enjoy it. Hopefully you haven't spoilt it for them now with your unnecessary comments.

Kids seem to be encouraged to stop their childhood so quickly these days. I think a lot of parents influence this with by telling them they' re too old for children's things. 11 year olds are still absolutely fine to still enjoy a kids Christmas party.

MyDogCafe · 17/12/2023 08:38

I think it’s nice she wants to be a child rather than pretending to be 18 at 11. Obviously she shouldn’t be pushing anyone. You sound unpleasant OP.

motherboredd · 17/12/2023 08:38

If she enjoys it, she's not too old.

Shouldn't be pushing though.

Two separate issues.

Bananazebra · 17/12/2023 08:40

I don't understand why you are going. You feel awkward going with a child you feel is too old for it but she's not your child so just don't go.

DragonMama3 · 17/12/2023 08:43

Lindy2 · 17/12/2023 08:36

Why does it bother you so much what your niece and sister enjoy?

Your DD has decided it's not for her which is fine but if they're still enjoying it, just leave them alone to enjoy it. Hopefully you haven't spoilt it for them now with your unnecessary comments.

Edited

she'd look outta place next yr...

Sugarsun · 17/12/2023 08:45

I agree with everyone else.

The age isn’t an issue.
She can still go at her age.

But the pushing kids out of the way is not on and her mum needs to watch her and pull her up on it straight away.

I’m not sure why you go though.
You obviously don’t enjoy it.

CommonOrNot · 17/12/2023 08:46

Yanbu. At all.

autienotnaughty · 17/12/2023 08:50

The pushing is a separate issue so not relevant.

Why do you have issue with your niece enjoying these events? Do you feel your dd doesn't want to attend because she's following your lead? Do you feel superior that your child is more grown up?

DragonMama3 · 17/12/2023 08:51

no, she feels her dn is too old.

Coconutter24 · 17/12/2023 08:54

If your DN still enjoys these parties then she’s not to old for them, let kids be kids for as long as possible it seems they grow up to quick these days so let her have fun. However the pushing needs to be addressed because that is not ok

PuttingDownRoots · 17/12/2023 08:55

I think its a bit sad there's no other children of a similar age.

At our rugby club Christmas party kids aged 5 (younger siblings) up to 13 or so enjoyed the silly party games.(it was for the kids team from Yr2- Yr 9)

CrispsandCheeseSandwich · 17/12/2023 08:57

I agree with PPs that the age isn't an issue.

It sounds like there's probably a more general issue where the sister is unwilling to accept her child ever does anything wrong, and instead has decided that she gets picked on.

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