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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Grandparents

36 replies

DecMadness · 15/12/2023 20:34

I have 4 kids age 3-10.

my parents want to take my eldest and my sisters eldest on a holiday at the summer.

we have never been away on a family holiday but are saving for this.

my sister has said yes to them taking her eldest but i have said no to taking mine.

AIBU to not allow him to go?

OP posts:
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Riverlee · 16/12/2023 18:48

They expect you to pay - in that case that’s fine to say no.

Also, that’s a lot of money for a child’s holiday (are the children subsidising the grandparents?).

TomatoSandwiches · 15/12/2023 22:02

It is a drip feed but YANBU, they sound really horrible actually.

ActDottie · 15/12/2023 21:48

Lunde · 15/12/2023 21:13

I think it's pretty cheeky for them to offer and then charge you £1,500

This. I had assumed they’d be paying but given they aren’t then I think it’s fine to say no.

Haveyouseenthemuffinman · 15/12/2023 21:47

You could all have a holiday for £1500. Not super posh but away somewhere in a caravan or holiday park with a pool. Massive drip feed and no is fine.

YetMoreNewBeginnings · 15/12/2023 21:44

DecMadness · 15/12/2023 21:28

Sorry didn't realise would need to give as much info

There’s a big difference between “my parents want to take ny child on holiday with his cousin” and “my parents want me to pay a grand and a half so they can take my child on holiday with a child he doesn’t get on with”

Kitkat1523 · 15/12/2023 21:41

DecMadness · 15/12/2023 21:28

Sorry didn't realise would need to give as much info

🙄…. Absolute drip feed

BalletBob · 15/12/2023 21:38

No way would I agree to this. I can't believe they've asked to be honest. £1500??

It sounds like you doubt their ability to provide adequate/safe childcare anyway so it's a no-go regardless. But I also wouldn't be happy with one of my children being singled out for an experience like this, especially with grandparents who should IMO treat them all equally. Fairness is important to me. Appreciate that others feel differently about it.

Original poster
DecMadness · 15/12/2023 21:28

Sorry didn't realise would need to give as much info

OP posts:
Ormside · 15/12/2023 21:26

That's one hell of a drip feed...

Sunshineismyfavourite · 15/12/2023 21:25

After reading your update OP Id say a definite no! Save your money so you can go away with your little fam together. Also a bit unfair on your younger child too I think to not be included. Thanks, but no thanks!

Original poster
DecMadness · 15/12/2023 21:24

Its to dubai. Has we have previously gone many holidays there pre kids. My dad always loved it so wants to go back

with my sister and her husband there is a clear favoritism which i dont dwell on

OP posts:
SecondUsername4me · 15/12/2023 21:24

Why are they asking 2x grandchildren to come along but only offering to pay for one?

Obviously 1500 is ridiculous for a single child's place on holiday.

Laiste · 15/12/2023 21:23

After your update:

NO! You're not being unreasonable to say no.

The money, firstly, the fact the two kids don't get on secondly, and the age related health worries of the GPS third!

YetMoreNewBeginnings · 15/12/2023 21:21

i will have to pay for this (in excess of £1500!) which would be from my family holiday fund which then sets me back on this. Whist sisters child is getting taken fully funded

You’d have got very different answers if you mentioned that in your OP.

YANBU to pay £1500 for your child to go on holiday with annyone else.

Eekmystro · 15/12/2023 21:18

YANBU I also would not want to spend £1,500 for one person to go on holiday when the other family members in the family couldn’t go. I’d keep that in your savings for your whole family holiday.

How come they’re paying for your sisters child and not yours?

Is the intention to the take turns with the other grandchildren too? Otherwise isn’t that a bit unfair?

MissBuffyAnneSummers · 15/12/2023 21:15

I'd have said yes. I did say yes when my parents took my eldest on holiday

Speakingofdinosaurs · 15/12/2023 21:15

Why is your sister’s child getting funded but not yours.
Also if they dont get on then that makes a difference too.

Luxell934 · 15/12/2023 21:15

Why would Sisters child be fully funded but yours isn’t? Must be some holiday for that amount! Hmmmm

Well your not being unreasonable then so just say no thanks but thanks for the offer, then let it go.

tealandteal · 15/12/2023 21:15

In that case say simply “No sorry I can’t afford that”

AuntMarch · 15/12/2023 21:14

Given your update, absolutely not unreasonable. Money from the family holiday fund shouldn't go on one person!
Why are grandparents paying for one and not the other, and where the hell are they going that it costs that must to send him anyway?!

Lunde · 15/12/2023 21:13

I think it's pretty cheeky for them to offer and then charge you £1,500

Original poster
DecMadness · 15/12/2023 21:11

Sorry for delay in responding my phone died

my main reasons for not wanting him to go are

my parents are mid 70s and neither havethe best of health so just doesnt sit well with me

my son and cousin dont tend to get alomg at the best of time

i will have to pay for this (in excess of £1500!) which would be from my family holiday fund which then sets me back on this. Whist sisters child is getting taken fully funded

I would never grudge my child an amazing experience and feel awful that i have said no. But financially mainly it is not possible for me to have him go.

OP posts:
AnneLovesGilbert · 15/12/2023 20:53

Are the grandparents paying for all of it? If not I can see that you don’t want to pay towards one of your children going on holiday if it takes you further away from affording to go away with all of your children.

People are making some very harsh criticisms based on no info.

Cas112 · 15/12/2023 20:50

So you want your child to miss out because you haven't been able to take them yet?

Bit spiteful

geckofrog · 15/12/2023 20:49

Is it coz you haven't taken them yourself? If so then that's really selfish.