Holiday with friends?

I haven't read the whole thread but I'll be honest, I used to ask friends on holiday because I couldn't stand the thought of having to spend a week with my (now) ex partner.

Different people will have different reasons but that was my main one.

Not something we’ve done with friends but mainly because our friends didn’t have kids when we did and we all wanted different holidays at different times.
We’ve had holidays with family but it’s always worked well because our kids always had a cousin close in age to them and they’ve always got on so well.
It could have been really handy during the years where the dc were at difficult ages but we’ve always made it work without being away with friends.
At home dh and I are very sociable, when we go on holiday as a family we just like to switch off.

Yes, absolutely! With the right people it is a brilliant way to go away as a family. Extra adults to share out babysitting etc (chance to have dinner out as a couple?). Take turns cooking dinner if self catering - nights off for you! Children entertain each other. Just shakes up the family dynamics a bit (especially useful with teenagers!). I recommend going away with families with slightly older children than yours in an ideal world! I'd have found it impossible to have a totally relaxed holiday doing nothing with very young children just us. I either liked to have a fairly active holiday, or have others around. And no, there is/was nothing wrong with my relationship with my husband! Holidays alone with him are lovely, but with children kind of harder.

Obviously it does have to be the right people though!!

I like both. Sometimes it’s the more the merrier and sometimes it’s lovely to just be a family

It would absolutely depend on the kind of place you're going to. We've done the island resort type of holiday with 2 other families with similarly aged kids and it's great! The kids get to play together all the time and the fathers supervise whilst the mothers sit around with our drinks and chat, or spa.

Cruises are also great together as there's a good mix of group/solo activities. Sometimes we want time together as a couple or family and it's easy to do that without the other family feeling left out or stranded.

I haven't done those city itineraries in a big group though, I think they'd be harder with more possibilities for friction.

@mindutopia They kind of sound like me. I get energy from being around people so I prioritise that over housework/online shopping etc so that is always left to the few minutes I have spare in the day. I don't mind being exhausted sometimes because I get so much out of being with other people. It doesn't mean I can't also like my own company but it's hard for me to turn down things that sounds like fun to just be by myself and I have engineered a life where I have lots of different people to socialise with and do different things with.

This wouldn't be my idea of a relaxing break. As your friend is not close to the other couple but her DH is, the worry would be her DH heading off with his friends and leaving your friend with all the kids. Do they have separate accommodation for this holiday, plans for eating out together, is it self catering, similar interests for days out, has any of that been discussed?

People do it. I think they are also the sort of people who fill their weekends with visiting and having people over. We have friends who are massively stressed with work (work long hours), have a toddler and a baby on the way, are exhausted....like falling asleep on the sofa while you talk to them exhausted and in tears constantly. And yet, every bloody weekend is packed from morning to night with plans with friends, meeting people for lunch, weekend away with friends, dinner parties, constant social plans...and then they are up til midnight during the week doing the online shopping, cleaning the house, washing the clothes. They're on their knees. But they just fill every spare minute with seeing people.

My worst nightmare, honestly. They visited us last weekend and I felt exhausted and on edge just listening to them go on about it all. It was such a relief when they left because I found it so stressful listening to them arguing about how to squeeze in lunch with family and 3 kid's parties and a night away and all the other stuff into 48 hours. I suspect these are the folks who want to go on holiday with friends or with family. Not my cup of tea. But we also only see most of our closest friends or family if they come to stay with us for the weekend because everyone lives too far away for a day trip and we are a cheap 'holiday' as live in a tourist area. So we constantly have people wanting to come stay at ours, which drives me mad as it is. If I'm going on holiday, I want some bloody peace, not more people to host and entertain.

We've done this but a UK holiday, not abroad.
It was great for us as we all had the same mindset as wanting to do things separately the odd day. Kids entertained each other and we took it turns to babysit so each couple could go on a date night.

You have to be careful about who you go with though!

I have friends who after my son, I absolutely love the most. I love their girls like my own. So yes I love spending time with them on holiday, as we don't get enough quality time together around work and family commitments.

We've had the benefit of being able to rent a mansion in Italy with a private pool and separate sleeping areas for the family because there were enough of us to make it a reasonable price. I'd much rather this, than being stuck in a resort with people you don't know, scrabbling for loungers and the pool being people soup. It was absolute bliss, plus more adults pitching in on a self catering holiday meant less time clearing up.

I choose my friends, so why wouldn't I choose to spend quality time with them.

From your friends perspective though... a shaky relationship situation and a group of people she doesn't know? Really no.

Weekend/ long weekend yes (but it would depend on the group). Longer/ main family holiday - no way, but I like my own space and have found there is always at least one person in the group that grinds my gears.

One thing I have noticed is that it tends to work less well as the kids get older - works brilliantly when they tend to bomb round as a pack when they are younger, but the different ages tend to show when they are older ime.

We've holidayed with friends before, but I wouldn't in your friend's position.

We’ve done it where accommodation is separate but we meet up during the days which works very well I think

I have done this countless times. Sometimes just two families, sometimes 3 or 4 families travelling together and renting a huge villa with pool, garden etc. I love these kinds of holidays and I loved the big dinners every night. Our kids loved it too as it was with their friends families we went. During the day we rarely did anything all together, some went somewhere and some stayed at the villa, the kids did what they wanted.

We did it with friends when the DCs were younger. DS is an only and he didn't enjoy things like hotel holiday clubs, so going away together meant he had a gang of friends and we could all afford to rent a lovely villa with a pool that we wouldn't have been able to go to otherwise.

I've noticed a lot of USA couples touring round Europe as a foursome. I find that an interesting idea, as now most holidays are just with DH, it would be nice to have some additional company from time to time.

You might not have directly criticised, but you certainly have in a thinly veiled way and come off as pretty condescending. You have made sneery comments about couples who apparently can’t bear to to be alone together and you are also implying that you must care more about your family than anybody that chooses to holiday with others.

This made me laugh but there’s a fair bit of truth in it. It does work better when the primary friendship is between the women or at least they are equal ( primary male friendship =do not go there). I have swerved one particular suggestion for a group holiday from a friend because although she and her DH are a lot of fun, he does absolutely FA in the house or with the kids and that would piss me off when you’re trying to get out to ski school and he’s on his phone while the dishwasher needs loading and the kids can’t find their goggles.

I do it as frequently as with just my own family. If you ding like it then no-one is forcing you

Your kids are tiny so I think this is part of it. When they’re older you don’t get evenings alone anyway, and you might want to have their friends there to keep them occupied - or at least other children.

Nothing weird about it. Your response is quite odd and misanthropic. And I don’t mean your friend’s response. Surely you’ve met other people in your time on the planet, and have come across holidaying with friends as a perfectly usual thing, even if you don’t personally want to do it? Or that other people have different ideas about what constitutes ‘quality time’?