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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Commando

83 replies

LylaLee · 13/12/2023 09:21

Met up with friend in a cafe for a catch up - the last one was before COVID. Her DP came to pick her up after.

He was wearing joggers but he very clearly was not wearing anything underneath. Outlines of everything. I didn't say anything but AIBU to think it's grim to go out in public like that?

OP posts:
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Achildbelongstoitsmother · 13/12/2023 22:03

betterangels · 13/12/2023 20:08

Quite.

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The dishonest allow looking to become staring.

And the bullies love to accuse people of staring when no such thing happened.

And those with closed minds, well there is no helping you.

The point is why are you allowed to control where people look if you aren't allowed to control what people wear? And I'm not talking about the criminal law. I'm talking about what is good manners/ social mores.

If you can wear what you want, I'll look where I want and of course that allows others to look where they want.

In other words you allow a world where people can wear what they want, well other will start looking where they want. That is what needs to be thought about.

Alargeoneplease89 · 13/12/2023 20:40

I know the feeling, I wait in the car for my son and a transwoman walks pass every afternoon in the same pink gym pants with no underwear... if they wore underwear they would be more convincing - or a longer coat!

Original poster
LylaLee · 13/12/2023 20:37

I wasn't staring. If I notice you've got a mole/had a new haircut it doesn't take more than a glance to see that. Same for people not wearing underwear and standing in front of people who are seated.

OP posts:
betterangels · 13/12/2023 20:08

iklboo · 13/12/2023 18:35

Why were you looking at his penis???

Why shouldn't she? Her eyes, her choice

You'd be happy with a bloke staring at your boobs / crotch then would you? Because it's 'his eyes, his choice?'

Quite.

shitsuit23466 · 13/12/2023 19:07

iklboo · 13/12/2023 18:35

Why were you looking at his penis???

Why shouldn't she? Her eyes, her choice

You'd be happy with a bloke staring at your boobs / crotch then would you? Because it's 'his eyes, his choice?'

Exact thing I was going to say

Achildbelongstoitsmother · 13/12/2023 19:05

iklboo · 13/12/2023 18:35

Why were you looking at his penis???

Why shouldn't she? Her eyes, her choice

You'd be happy with a bloke staring at your boobs / crotch then would you? Because it's 'his eyes, his choice?'

Her eyes. Her choice.

If we get to wear what we want, we get to look where we want.

occa · 13/12/2023 18:55

What an unpleasant thread.

Stop looking
Stop judging

This is 100% a you problem.

eatdrinkandbemerry · 13/12/2023 18:49

My partner wears baggy boxers and it's fine but if he puts joggers on he looks awful because you can see everything!
He won't wear tight pants so if he bobs to the shop people are getting a view of his boys but he wouldn't go out out like that

iklboo · 13/12/2023 18:35

Why were you looking at his penis???

Why shouldn't she? Her eyes, her choice

You'd be happy with a bloke staring at your boobs / crotch then would you? Because it's 'his eyes, his choice?'

ArcticBells · 13/12/2023 18:35

LylaLee · 13/12/2023 11:03

How did I know he wasn't wearing underwear? Well, maybe he was wearing silk or chiffon light knickers, but it did nothing to obscure the clear outline of his genitals.

How did I see? When you are seated, crotches are at eye level...

Chiffon knickers GrinGrinGrinGrin

RestingCatsArseFace · 13/12/2023 18:32

CaroleSinger · 13/12/2023 18:09

Great, now im going to spend the rest of my life thinking about Terry Wogans moose knuckle! 🤮

I realised too late about the sensitive content option. Hope you get over it soon.

dontforgetme · 13/12/2023 18:13

Tis the grey sweatpants season Grin

CaroleSinger · 13/12/2023 18:09

Great, now im going to spend the rest of my life thinking about Terry Wogans moose knuckle! 🤮

Hohofortherobbers · 13/12/2023 18:03

RestingCatsArseFace · 13/12/2023 17:54

Sometimes the eyes can just get drawn to an area.

ShockShock

DiegosMomHasGotItGoingOn · 13/12/2023 18:03

It’s a whole thing, I am surprised you have never noticed the grey sweatpants phenomenon before.

RestingCatsArseFace · 13/12/2023 17:54

Sometimes the eyes can just get drawn to an area.

Commando
Hellenika · 13/12/2023 17:51

When you are seated, crotches are at eye level...

But how? What sort of cafe was this that his crotch would be at the same level as your eyes?

Achildbelongstoitsmother · 13/12/2023 17:49

Sauvblanctime · 13/12/2023 12:52

Why were you looking at his penis???

Why shouldn't she?

Her eyes, her choice.

ThisisgroundcontroltoMajorTom · 13/12/2023 17:47

I agree op. He needs to put the mouse back in the house.

Most people do not go around looking for things like this. Humans eyes are automatically drawn to movement 😃 (not kidding) we are very good at detecting it.

I don’t think men look particularly good in jogging pants anyway unless they are an athlete or personal trainer or something.

NoNoNanette · 13/12/2023 17:37

I think there's a big difference between boobs and penises

Who says the age of profound wisdom is dead?

NoNoNanette · 13/12/2023 17:36

Feellikedancingcrying · 13/12/2023 12:12

But it waved at her!

I like it when they dance a little jig.

Original poster
LylaLee · 13/12/2023 16:10

blabla2023 · 13/12/2023 16:05

I hope you were all covered up and in loose clothes? I don’t want to see anybody’s breasts on full display, yet i have to daily. Double standards go both ways. As long as he is wearing something, its fine.

Yes, in the middle of winter my tits were out. Basically Moll Flanders.

OP posts:
blabla2023 · 13/12/2023 16:05

I hope you were all covered up and in loose clothes? I don’t want to see anybody’s breasts on full display, yet i have to daily. Double standards go both ways. As long as he is wearing something, its fine.

cruisebaba1 · 13/12/2023 15:50

NoNoNanette · 13/12/2023 09:42

A banana would be worse, but seriously - I think it's creepy and so does DH (I just asked him). I'd be thinking, not of the manly meat and two veg, but rather of the skid marks and pooh-y sweat at the back and piss leaks and dick smell at the front. Underwear was invented for a reason.

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🤣🤣🤣🤣

Lavender14 · 13/12/2023 15:50

I think there's a big difference between boobs and penises... boobs are generally cleaner and more hygienic.

That would give me the ick too op.