For wanting a break after working all year

Having a holiday with your girlfriend and no children and having a holiday still being mum are two entirely different things and you sound horrendous

I love how he has “enabled” her to be a SAHM. It probably works to his advantage tbh- being able to work abroad and not having to pay for a nanny 24/7 back home which would be the alternate (and a nanny wouldn’t even cover all the tasks a SAHM would). I assume this is part of the reason the ex is a SAHM and has custody. She’s actually enabling him to go wherever his career takes him while he can still have the joy of children whenever he pleases.

To be honest its probably the kids who don't understand it

Because she wants him to parent which is what he should be doing not just there for fun times but out actually doing the mundane stuff.
If you live abroad why would you come home and only spend a couple of weeks out of a month with your kids and choose to stay 2hrs away from them.
He says accommodation is expensive here yet when in the states he finds money to fly to other states to visit his girlfriend and money to holiday with her for a few weeks. Sounds like he spends a reasonable amount of time seeing his girlfriend as he says their relationship is good he should put the same effort in to his kids.
He's not a dad he's a monetary sponsor.
The youngest on reading the posts isn't at full time school yet.

You are being funny. You're basic reenforcing the thought amongst many that divorced dads only have to be 'Disney Dads' while mums get the drudgery and day-to-day life of parenting

God you're just like my Dad. He worked abroad long hours as well, also cheated on my mum (and the next two wives, we're on wife number 4 now so we'll see how that one goes.). In exactly the same way as you he prioritised himself and never gave my mum a break, was never there for the important stuff like dchool plays and sports days and I don't think the other kids at school even realised I had a Dad because he never did any drop off or pick ups. All his kids now hate him and now we're older and don't need his money no-one speaks to him. This relationship will ultimately fail and he'll die a sad lonely man, loaded but with no real connections.

That's your future. I'd say try harder and spend some time with your kids but the fact that you don't even really want to says everything.

Would you still be doing this job if you didn't have kids? Probably. You have kids. Factor them into your life as a priority, not an afterthought. Shoulder some of the mental load for your ex. Improve your relationship with her for the sake of your kids over the long term. The gf is not important. This is a new relationship, she doesn't need to be involved with the kids right now. They need to know their dad WANTS to spend time with them and actively seeks it out, not that they are a burden.

How do you show that love? With expensive Xmas presents and then buggering off with gf? Find a rental close to your ex. Spend everyday with your kids. Honestly, grow up and be a real father.

firstly, just spend any time you can with your kids when you get back in Jan. you get one chance to be dad, where you can, be the best dad you can be.
as a child raised in the shadow of my dad's girlfriends, I'd advise you strongly to identify and reflect upon what drives you to spend more time with gf than your children? and most importantly, why can't you spend time with both? any woman or man coming into a relationship where there are children needs to be able to commit to and accommodate them, if they can't, are they really a good fit for yiu and your girls? in my mind, your girlfriend should be, where appropriate, be part of the time together rather than keeping then separate.
you may work your arse off but on your death bed will you be saying "I wish I put more time in at work" or "I wish I put more time into my girls"

Parenting isn't just about the fun bits and "quality time" though. It's also about the unseen stuff that can be boring but needs doing to keep things ticking over, and school runs are one of those things.

He's being used? To ferry his children to school? The horror!! Imagine a parent being asked to..I don't know... do things that parents are expected to do!!

Being used! Ffs

i hope your first concern is spending time with your kids. If they are in school you would see your gf when they are there anyway so I’m a bit confused. I wonder why your ex wants you to do all a school runs- is she working? Is the weather bad where you live and she doesn’t like driving in snow? I would assume you would want to do at least half the school runs while you are here and that is reasonable- surely she still wants to communicate with teachers - informal chats at these times can stop any small issues escalating. Are you not having the children overnight? You would take them to school those days. It’s not about a break - there no school runs on a weekend - but it is about the children having access to both parents at this time. Unless this was always your agreement - that when you came home you took responsibility for the kids as you work abroad. Nows her time for a break and she’s been looking forward to it. Looking after small kids can be overwhelming if you are doing it 100% on your own without family help. Can’t help wondering if you paying the child support eases your conscience as you don’t see them and you have justified this as a reason you don’t need to be present. It’s not about you or her getting a break - it’s about the kids and them spending time with the absent parent

Kids don't want quality time, they want quantity time from parents.
The school run is a brilliant thing to be involved with. We parked and walked with the dog, met friends, looked at stuff, arrived at school all happy. When you have time, the school run can be magic. My kids have the memories of years of grown ups being there for them, either end of the school day. Our one trip to Disney was also important but would have been meaningless without the bond from day to day life.

Not being funny - she’s not asking him to spend time with them, she’s asking him to run errands. The guy isn’t saying he doesn’t want to see them and spend quality time with them. He’s saying he doesn’t want to commute to ferry them to school and back twice a day. And I am completely with him on that. He’s being used.

You solve everything with money, don't you? According to you, you pay your ex to be SAHM, you pay the kids' fees and a holiday. BUT.
Money doesn't match presence.

You were ever able to work abroad because your ex agreed to take on ALL child rearing. If she didn't, or she had left or died, you would be either working locally for half pay or paying astronomical fees for a nanny. You seem to feel you've paid your way out but in reality you're doing what all parents must do: provide for their own kids.

Your ex is simply asking you to take on responsibilities that are not about money: be an active part of your own young children's everyday life. Why is it so hard for so many men to grasp?

You absolutely can have a holiday but surely you could take it some other time of the year and just stay in your work country. If you really earn as much as you say, that shouldn't be an issue -- or you're being seriously taken advantage of by your employer 🤷

Yeah I am out.

This is weird. Scorned woman is an insult aimed at women to put them in their place when they react in a way people don't like.

You say you aren't here to turn people against the mother. But you didn't need to post at all. You could have reported the thread or just hid it. You wanted people to know its the struggling wife and to tell everyone how unhealthy her behaviour is.

You also say all the facts are right. But also there's 2 sides. Its factually correct but also not?

But no response on how the family are supporting her and the kids.

This is such an odd thread. But I am done.

@Oscarbearsmum

Having children with someone who works away is fine. Him fucking another women and enjoying life like he’s single isn’t.

And if she is doing it, you are right, it’s not healthy.

But also she shouldn’t need other people’s words to make him actually spend more than a couple of weeks with them. It’s not even the full two weeks.

I assume his family is offering her plenty of support since their family member has been so awful to her and shit with the kids? Especially, since they believe she is struggling and those kids are their family too

So you know he is a terrible father but insulted her but managed to Mention him with no insults at all. You know his family member who knows what a shit show of a father he is. But just her you needed to dig at?
Assuming we believe you, why is that?

Kids are for life not just for Christmas you wally!

You should keep this post to show your children when they reach adulthood. What do you think THEY would say?

@Oscarbearsmum I think you need to say what the good authority is

Based on what?