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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Fed up

35 replies

Zavie · 12/12/2023 17:19

background : I have Aspergers/bpd/anxiety/dyspraxia

Hi I’m about 8m preg not trying to make an excuse but I ask my parents for help sometimes and they just make me even more stressed

today I asked them to pick up my kids so I can go and collect some car seats for their car as they don’t have any

I arrive home about 40 min later and they still not back said they got lost and didn’t know way from school to my house which is only next village . They are from the surrounding area

I get home and I feel upset as it’s foggy and that means the pollution levels are up which are harmful and I tell them off for not using google maps or making a u turn and going back the way they came.

my dad is a doctor supposed to be the smart one but my mum was driving

I also tell them off for not bringing my lunch box back despite me texting to remind for last 2 days and not using the hand sanitizer I gave them yesterday on my kids before they had their snack in car

My dad said it was rude of me not to invite them in now for a few minutes but I was too upset at their incompetence so now they will have the “right “ to give me silent treatment for a few days.

I also resent myself for not knowing how to fit the new isofix seats I’ve never been able to and they don’t have a clue either

nice things I do to help others just blow in my face

AIBU

OP posts:
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Melodysmum12 · 12/12/2023 20:03

I feel you need help. Sounds like you can’t cope with life with two kids let alone another!

Nopenott0day · 12/12/2023 19:58

Are you the same woman who's abusing her husband?

Stop making excuses! Your behaviour is your responsibility.

ThickSkinnedSoWhat · 12/12/2023 18:48

Those poor children. What on Earth are you having another for if they're already being subjected to this type of appalling attitude? How did the grandparents pick them up without carseats? And why can't you just be grateful they helped? They are not obliged to be your slaves.

DeedlessIndeed · 12/12/2023 18:46

OP, when you do someone a favour, and they throw it back in your face, how do you feel?

Do you not see that is how you treated your parents?

And no, I don't think you HAVE to take it out on other people to avoid internal escalation. I think that's a coping mechanism that is self destructive in the long term, as it'll erode your relationships. You may not value the relationships with your family, but when your children are older will they also be in the firing line?

Get some help, you obviously care for your children - it'd be such a shame to repeat your parent's mistakes.

TomatoSandwiches · 12/12/2023 18:44

Take some bloody responsibility for yourself.
Might be a good idea to stop having anymore children as well.

ilovesooty · 12/12/2023 18:42

Prinnny · 12/12/2023 18:38

What a mess. I think you need to speak to your midwife and get some support, this doesn’t sound normal.

I'm inclined to agree. I think you need some support with the way you're feeling.

Flidina · 12/12/2023 18:40

This is not normal behaviour, please speak to your Doctor or Midwife and get some support.

cherrypossums · 12/12/2023 18:40

How many children do you have? Frankly, you don't sound emotionally stable enough to be having more. Where is the father in all this?

Prinnny · 12/12/2023 18:38

What a mess. I think you need to speak to your midwife and get some support, this doesn’t sound normal.

Curlywurlycaz2 · 12/12/2023 18:33

It sounds like you are really struggling with things not going the way that you wanted or expected. What does it really matter if your parents were late?

Behindyouiam · 12/12/2023 18:28

Zavie · 12/12/2023 17:56

I don’t think someone with Aspergers , borderline disorder , depression and suspected narcissism can act any other way ?

if I don’t take it out on certain people it will internally escalate

I don’t feel good now either
I have palpitations and the conversation with my parents is repeating in my head

the ceiling feels unusually low I feel claustrophobic
I get thoughts on walking out on my family as my kids are half my husbands and I don’t like him I’d prefer they were only related to me

I always wanted to be a single mum so I could raise them only my way

What made you have another baby with a man you don't like?

Monsterjam · 12/12/2023 18:20

Wow. I’d stop asking people for favours if it leaves you like this!
sounds like you treated them pretty horridly and they can be cross about it. The silent treatment sounds very juvenile from them.

mbosnz · 12/12/2023 18:18

Hmmmm. How would you feel if your parents treated you, how you are treating them, OP? I'm guessing you wouldn't be happy. I know I wouldn't be happy if I were your parent, or your children's other parent, and you were treating me the way you are treating them.

JonjoMonjo21 · 12/12/2023 18:13

OP you sound slightly unhinged. I think you may need some help. All of this what you’re saying is not normal behaviour. If you don’t like your parents that much then don’t ask them to things for you for your benefit. You remind me so much of someone I know. And they boil my blood. Everything is always about them. Self absorbed.

MintJulia · 12/12/2023 17:58

OP, they agreed to collect your DCs. That's nice of them. It doesn't matter if they were a bit late back. They are all safe.

And don't be angry with your dcs for not navigating. People who don't drive seldom take much notice of a route.

Fog is not automatically polluting. We get sea fog that is just water vapour. I don't know where you are but a few minutes in some fog won't do any harm.

And there is no need to "reverse the day". You and the DCS and the car seats are all home. You are all safe. Your parents will forgive you your rudeness. It's all done.

Now take a deep breath, give your dcs some snacks and then go and have a warm bubbly bath, Close your eyes, do some yoga or breathing exercises and relax.

Good luck with the new baby.

Original poster
Zavie · 12/12/2023 17:56

I don’t think someone with Aspergers , borderline disorder , depression and suspected narcissism can act any other way ?

if I don’t take it out on certain people it will internally escalate

I don’t feel good now either
I have palpitations and the conversation with my parents is repeating in my head

the ceiling feels unusually low I feel claustrophobic
I get thoughts on walking out on my family as my kids are half my husbands and I don’t like him I’d prefer they were only related to me

I always wanted to be a single mum so I could raise them only my way

OP posts:
Original poster
Zavie · 12/12/2023 17:47

I collect things for them and I make them dinner

they have a leaking shower for weeks and I’ve got them silicon and they still haven’t sorted it it just makes me boil

my brother doesn’t do anything like that and they treat him better

I should just avoid people

yes I have obsessions around pollution

my mother is pretty controlling as well

she judges the gifts I get for my niece as too cheap despite my brother giving me a £1 box of chocolates last year for Xmas

also when I show her a picture on my phone she takes the phone and scrolls through all the pics

I told her you should treat people as they treat you

OP posts:
LouLaBear23 · 12/12/2023 17:45

I’m sorry, but if your parents ‘emotionally abused’ you, why the hell are you leaving your children in their care?!

Behindyouiam · 12/12/2023 17:38

Zavie · 12/12/2023 17:37

im a product of their behaviour

growing up they emotionally abused me and I witnessed most of their arguments my mother has bpd and has unstable moods

I can’t feel guilty at all and that worries me I only feel anger

i just can’t believe that they’d drive around for 40 min to find a place that’s only 10 min away .

im polite at work although I did snap at some kids today (I’m a TA) who were being naughty.

i feel I now have to “ reverse the day “ that means returning the car seats and repeating the day without any issues

also upset with my kids for not navigating for them

and yes foggy weather means pollutant levels are high you can check the air quality index of your city online

Get help and stop excusing yourself

Original poster
Zavie · 12/12/2023 17:37

im a product of their behaviour

growing up they emotionally abused me and I witnessed most of their arguments my mother has bpd and has unstable moods

I can’t feel guilty at all and that worries me I only feel anger

i just can’t believe that they’d drive around for 40 min to find a place that’s only 10 min away .

im polite at work although I did snap at some kids today (I’m a TA) who were being naughty.

i feel I now have to “ reverse the day “ that means returning the car seats and repeating the day without any issues

also upset with my kids for not navigating for them

and yes foggy weather means pollutant levels are high you can check the air quality index of your city online

OP posts:
HandyLittleGadget · 12/12/2023 17:30

"nice things I do to help others just blow in my face" What nice thing did you do? You parents collected your children from school, yet you found something to complain about. You didn't invite them into your home. Hand sanitiser? Fog? Lunchbox? You sound like very hard work, and very ungrateful. You've got those various conditions but they don't excuse your poor behaviour. You chose to have (soon to be) a few kids, but your parents are not obliged to help you out at all.

I look after my GC on a regular basis, but my AC are always grateful and treat me with some respect.

pinkyredrose · 12/12/2023 17:30

nice things I do to help others just blow in my face

What nice things have you done?

CathyAnne91 · 12/12/2023 17:30

Yabu - absolutely shockingly so.

Danikm151 · 12/12/2023 17:29

You’re cutting your nose off to spite your face.

They have done you a favour and you call them incompetent!

pinkyredrose · 12/12/2023 17:29

Well forget the conditions that you have, they don't give you the right to be ungrateful, demanding and rude,