Child's First Mobile Phone

That's a very good post!

In my experience they all put numbers in their phones on the last day of year 6, then only keep in touch with the ones they want to anyway, then end up putting their new friends into WhatsApp or whatever anyway, so a phone in year 5 is pointless for that reason. I put Family Link on mines phone, which tracks them, and also let's you ration phone time. I still have issues with their device usage but I can control their phone.

I've come to realise that parents of pre-teens talking about how they plan to approach their child using mobile phones, is very much akin to the cosy bubble of pregnancy when you're also convinced you'll never get stressed or give your child a wotsit at a party when they're four etc.

When they're 13/14/15, it is the absolute Wild West. They all have phones. They all organise everything on them. They all do their homework on them. They have group factime calls while they get ready to meet up. It is a huge part of their school and social life.

You'll also be very glad of them having a decent phone when you can have a location tracker on it so you know they've got the bus (they will forget to text you, despite you asking them to), or when you're picking them up from somewhere and the best locations information they have is "I'm by a big tree, I dunno, the big tree mum?". The other huge plus is if you've a teen who doesn't like having 'big' conversations, they tend to be much more receptive to them via text/whatsapp.

The world and phones etc is not the same as it was 20 years ago, and we can't expect them to conform to an ideal we have of a childhood/parenting approach formed from that time period.

The best you can do is be completely open, don't make weird hardline rules (they're less sneaky and less likely to try to hide things if you give them fewer reasons to) and you communicate with them as much as possible. Teach them how to have their own personal boundaries, not yours. And stay one step ahead at all times in relation to tech (and other things, but I digress). Don't ever be in a position where you're saying "oh I don't know how this has happened, I don't understand how Snapchat works" etc. that's the beginning of the end of the world.

@MumInTraining66 he is still ten but about to turn 11

He has WhatsApp now but can only add contacts we allow

No social media - he keeps asking but he knows it's a no

That just means they're not used in the classroom or on site.

DD attends a school with a 'phone off and in bag while onsite' rule - that doesn't mean that they aren't an essential part of life.

@SecondUsername4me, mine is 14 and we did the same as you. Started in Y6 so there could be firm control and lots of guidance. During Covid it gave her a social life as an only child living in a rural area. Now it's used for everything - especially as she has SEN.

We need to be so careful with these devices. It makes me so sad to see young men and women walking along the road with their head glued down, totally in the phone, and unaware of their surroundings. its unhealthy on so many levels

Back in the mid 90s pre smart phones, when I was a teen, I'd walk round with my head in a book. Literally everywhere I went I carried a book or a magazine. I suspect that was equally as unhealthy. But no one would ever judge someone sat staring at a book or magazine or newspaper in place of a mobile (which coincidentally is also a digital book and newspaper).

https://www.gov.uk/government/news/mobile-phone-use-to-be-banned-in-schools-in-england

My dc got theirs for their 11bday (early into year 6) and I'm also of the opinion that it's better then, when you know the mums, know the friends, can be very hands on with checking It and parental controls etc.

Dd is now fully entrenched into secondary school and I couldn't imagine having to handle the whole "they have a mobile phone" thing at the same time as trying to settle into a new school.

I also genuinely do not understand how anyone's 13/14yo gets on without one - my dc is often facetiming friends evenings and weekends they do homework together online, the school uses an online portal for homework, she can message her friends to arrange meet ups etc.

I would actually be genuinely interested if anyone who currently has a 13/14yo at mainstream secondary could tell me a bit about their experiences.

And yes to a good case, screen protector and a pop socket as well

My son got his age 10

We went second hand iPhone as we all have iPhones z

It's connected to our Apple storage and find my iPhone

Totally locked down.

He was limited to only the apps we put on it, the screen time we allowed, the contacts we put on it. Literally everything he wanted to do came as a request for us.

He didn't have a browser or WhatsApp at first.

He does now but browser is locked down we have to approve every webpage.

No social media. Can't download or delete apps without permission. We still restrict his screen time.

How is your child going to do any homework? Everything is apps and internet links these days.

Just got the holiday revision for Xmas and for science alone there were over 50 links to websites and videos.

And it's the children of parents with your mindset who are the ones with the hidden smartphones.

DD gets a new smartphone every two years when I upgrade mine, so do most of her friends... what do you think they do with the old ones?

I think that's good advice in your OP. It's important to remember that phones aren't the devil. People are. He needs to be respectful to others and you need to monitor the messages he receives. It could be unkind ones from his peers or someone with bad intentions, I know I sound extremist but it does happen!

DD had my old phone over lockdown to communicate with friends and has repeatedly had my old phones. She would have been 8/9. There was a point where she got one of those £100 phone deals from Tesco but it was so shit it lasted less than a year.

Tesco have some absolute deals for airtime. You could look at a second hand phone from cex or similar. Most of Dads friends have iPhone 11/12s or s22 but she is 12 now. DD has a 13. The android / iPhone war starts early.

This is fab advice.
Put all the parental links / controls on BEFORE you give them the phone. Use the phone AND your service provider controls.
One young relative is mine was sent a dick pic in the 24h it took the parental controls to be applied. From a random number.

DD got my old phone (no interest in buying her a new phone for a few more years) at the beginning of y6. Precisely for the same reason. The rules are I can check it at any point in time I want, no downloading or making accounts without my approval, only people she actually knows can be added , it has set times when it locks , she has to ask permission to go on call and homework,chores etc. need to be done.

It worked and hopefully it will still be working until she's old enough to loosen the reigns a bit. Now at secondary she uses it for the homework app/timetable, all the other billion log ins she has for mail,google classroom,this link,that link,mymaths etc. She uses it as a bus pass, to track the bus and to message me where she is etc. Her school is 45 minutes away and she makes her own way there and back most days. She uses it for group homework (for example they had to plan and write a mini script for a play over the weekend between 4 of them ). She uses it as emergency money/method to pay .That's just the necessary stuff.

Ofc, she also uses it for socialising and fun and stuff, none of the friends she made at secondary are any where near local so that way they can stay in touch, chat , talk/do homework together, they planned a secret santa etc. I still keep an eye on everything that goes on ,what they talk about ,what apps she has etc and so far so good. Hopefully it'll last.

@bluecalendula how old is your daughter now...?

I read some amazing advice

Say it's your phone, that they can use. You buy it, you pay for it, you dictate the rules of it, apps on it, etc. Avoids the arguments of 'yeah but it's my phone i can do what i like...'

Their young brains have no idea how to manage the potential shitstorm these devices can bring - it's well known that tech CEO's don't give their kids phones. Bullying, porn, etc etc

If you say it's your phone, then you are the one that decides whats on it, you can look at it any time, and you dictate the times he can use it. For example phones shouldn't be near the bed at night, they should be locked away in the kitchen downstairs so the kids have peace and can sleep.

We need to be so careful with these devices. It makes me so sad to see young men and women walking along the road with their head glued down, totally in the phone, and unaware of their surroundings. its unhealthy on so many levels.

My daughter will have a brick phone when she's 11, and only internet enabled at 17. I know some other parents will laugh and say that's ridiculous, but many people are wising up to this now. We musn't let our kids down, and fail to protect them.

Honestly I have broncom on mine which is homework, awards, meetings, behaviour points, attendance the lot, he also has that as all homework’s are linked in there.
then he has the bus app as they’re always late, google classroom, school interval email system. I can’t keep up

Sorry I didn't mean a 'dumb' phone, just a basic smart phone and only essential school apps.

Just to add he does most of his homework on his phone via an app and uses it sometimes in lessons at teachers request so definitely would go for a smart phone