Stepson behaviour

Possibly call woman's aid or similar for support and get the police involved. You are not to blame for this awful situation and need to find away through so that you can get your life back on track and you and your family safe again

defo agree with this op. I actually just read all your comments and it makes me sad to think of someone and kids living like this. I hope you find the courage to phone the police and have them both removed so you and your children can live happily

O OP , please take a step back , this young man will not get any better. He will get bigger and stronger. Go to the police . This will not improve. You and your beautiful children deserve a peaceful life , your home is your sanctuary. Can I just say this is in no way normal behaviour, not close . Go to the police this weekend. Have the Christmas you and your children deserve. Good luck x

This boy is DANGEROUS- and his father is enabling his appalling behaviour.

For your sake and your children;'s sakes - get them OUT.

You deserve so much more than this.

IT IS NOT YOU IT IS BOTH OF THEM. Please call the Police before the Step son starts on your Daughter, do it before he hurts her. Your children have suffered enough. Call the Police tonight before you can't.

the answer to all of those questions is because I am scared. Worried. Self doubting
Are you not scared of what you are teaching your children OP? You have made this their 'normal' What do you think the effect of this life is on them? They have NO ties to this man, you can remove them from this situation and they never have to be exposed to these people again. What do YOU think is best for them?

Are you able to answer these questions?

I think i would be telling dp to replace and fix everything his darling son has broken for starters, and if he doesn’t start getting a grip of HIS sons behaviour he better find somewhere else for the 2 of them to live. Me personally would have told them to leave before it escalated this far tbh and i would have had no problem phoning the police on the son 1st time he hit you. I would have done it if it was my son. My son is 19 and never once acted this way, neither have any of his friends towards their parents. Definitely not normal teenage behaviour

Others have told you exactly what to do already, so I'm just posting in case you need more people to agree to act. You need to ensure that they move out, now. Please contact the police and/or a domestic violence support etc.

Think about yourself, and your children - act tonight!!

Please get help from Womens Aid.

So true. The hard bits are done:

OP is not married to the abusive prick ✅
OP fully owns the house ✅
OP doesn’t share kids with him ✅

OP, the above are such hard obstacles for women, and they are already done. The rest will be easier.

Police. Can your dc stay with a friend/ relative for a night? You go to police, explain you’ve been assaulted (ABH), property has been extensively damaged. You are scared for your own safety ( don’t play it down) While your DC are away police should escort partner and his son out if your house. You get the locks changed, Ring doorbell, camera installed. Police will advise you of steps you can take.
You need to get rid — a bit of grubbiness from a teenager is one thing but assault is 100% unacceptable and his father’s attitude stinks.

@Cockapoo1211 agreed. I feel for the op but I despair for her children and the long term impact on them. Their mum has brought these men into their home and turned it into a dangerous place for them.

Your children are at risk with this boy in your home. It is scary but take a deep breath, go to the police and get him out before he hurts one of your children.

Sorry, why the fuck are you letting this boy stay in the same house as your children? You're not keeping them safe and that's your basic responsibility

It’s your house and you have a duty of care to your children even if you won’t stick up for yourself. You know your stepsons behaviour isn’t right and you are in a position to take action, but don’t. What needs to happen before you do? Why do you allow your children to be exposed to this?

convinced by others that the problem is me

so
Let s say the problem.is you
Then logically you need to leave with your dc / they need to leave to get away from you

Either way - you and dc cannot live in same house as this man and his son

You can wait for next assault and this time tell the truth to police....
Or you can act now
Because the next assault could be worse and more deadly, what if one if your dc get in the way? Do not risk it....

Lots of the step parent stories are bad, this is one of the worst I’ve read . So bad I hope it’s not true . They both need to go OP. Please update us

OP, I know you are scared, but please believe us when we tell you that the police WILL help you get rid of these awful people. You CAN do this, and you MUST for your own safety and that of your children.

Do you have access to a car? If so, can you make some excuse to go out, I don't know, maybe say you're taking the younger kids to see the Christmas lights or something, and then drive to the police station and report this tonight?

This is what happens in domestic abuse. They convince the victim they are the issue and gaslight you to doubt yourself. Your DP is a cocklodger and he has a violent son and he knows it. He puts the blame on you for these violent out bursts. He should be sticking up for you, protecting you. Telling his own DS to leave but he doesn't. Which shows he doesn't care about you.

Your own children are witnessing this. They might not say but I bet they are really said of his son. They are witnessing him disrespect you and they may think it's ok in the future to do that to you too. You need to show them that this isn't OK. None of it is ok. You need to call the police when they are out of the house. You also need to call a locksmith to get the locks changed. Asap

JFC, OP, throw the big shit and the little shit out of your house. Neither has any respect for you. Both will make your life and that of your children a total misery if you allow this to continue. Call the police. Don't be gaslit into thinking it is you. It is not, and nothing justifies a physical assault on you.

It is understandable that you are frightened, you are being assaulted in your own home. But you need to use that fear to motivate you to protect your children (and that includes keeping yourself safe). You are not responsible for fixing this boy and enabling his behaviour by making excuses for it does him no favours.

I understand that all of your stepson's behaviour is in the mix, but I think you do need to separate out normal unpleasant teenage boy behaviour, and stuff that goes beyond that.

I think many parents of teenage boys have to put up with having to hold their breath as they go exploring for unwashed clothes and turn a blind eye to crusty stains on the bedding. That is an unpleasant part of parenting a teenage boy, and that includes a teenage stepson. In my view your husband is not unreasonable in expecting that to be accepted, so long as he also does his fair share of holding his breath while digging through his son's unwashed clothes and cummy bedding.

However, you are also talking about broken fingers, facial bruising and holes punched in the walls. This is the stuff you need to focus on when you talk to your husband.

Do not get distracted by questions of laundry or who you buy sweets for.

A sixteen year old boy is only a couple of years away from being a full-grown man. If he is acting violently towards you and your property this is entirely unacceptable and you are not being remotely unreasonable in telling your husband that this has to stop immediately or else either his son, or both your husband and his son, need to find somewhere else to live because this is your house and you cannot live in fear like this.

How old are you? If you are scared, how are your 10 year old DD and 11 year old DS feeling? You're their mother. Protect them.

And I promise you that no matter how good a parent you are, right now your 11 year old DS is looking at his 16 year old step brother as a model for how he should behave, because it sounds like that is a way to getting his own way in your house. Act now or before long your DS will be heading down the same road.

This is absolutely outrageous.

His attitude about his son’s behaviour speaks volumes. Parents who deflect by excusing behaviour (“it’s your fault for going into his room”) cannot adequately parent and thus end up with sons like you describe.

I have two teenage sons and I genuinely cannot imagine them ever attacking me.

Call the police and get them both out. Change your locks and put in a ring doorbell if you don’t already have one.

Remove them both from your house safely and the sooner the better.

This is an awful situation and I feel for you. As per many others have already said, please call the police or women's aid. You need help to get them out. Messy and dirty rooms are normal, unfortunately unclean beds are normal too, experiencing violence from your teenage SS and then not having your partner's full support and weight behind dealing with it is not normal, not ok, and if you've asked him to leave and he won't unless you call the police, you must call the police.