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Original poster

Stepson behaviour

409 replies

Mum2bambinos · 09/12/2023 18:22

I think I just need an outside view of my situation…

Lived with DP for 4.5yrs. He is not the dad to my children (DD10 and DS11). DP DS (16) lives with us full time. We all live in the house I bought before we were together.

DP DS behaves horrendously at school and at home. If me or DP pull him up on his behaviour we are shouted at and called names; his behaviour has escalated twice in the last two months whereby he has broken my fingers; punched me and left bruises on my hands and face. He trapped me in his bedroom and attempted to smash me over the head with TV remote whilst blocking my exit.

I now avoid challenging any of DP DS behaviour because if I am honest.. I am scared of him.

he has punched holes in the walls. Smashed his built in wardrobes up; kicked the baby gate of the wall.

Last week I went into his room while he was at school to put his clean washing on his bed. His bedroom shocked me. It was so dirty and untidy. Filthy.
Pizza boxes stacked up in the corner; food all over the floor; dirty washing; stains of goodness knows what (I think I know ✊🏼💦) on his bedding and bed frame. It was horrible.
I cried. I have worked so hard for this house. And I feel like he has vandalised it. the wardrobes are all still broken. holes still in the walls.

I darent ask DP DS to tidy his room because he will kick off. So I asked DP to have a word. DP then got angry with me saying I tidy my DD and DS room when they get messy. And that I don’t have a word with them about the mess. This is completely untrue. I make them do their rooms and I make them help me. But sometimes it gets to a point where it just needs a grown up to intervene. And as DP DSs parent - DP should help him or do it for him.
this argument turned into a huge fight and I was left sobbing.
I was told I don’t treat everyone the same.. this isn’t true I buy them all things.. if I buy a bag of sweets for one everyone gets one.
the only thing that I don’t buy is birthday and Christmas. He doesn’t buy for my DD and DS and I don’t buy for his.
He told me it was typical teenager behaviour and his favourite line in these situations is “you have all this to come). But I don’t think it is. It isn’t normal to punch your parents. Or leave your bodily fluids on your bed frame. Or refuse to bring underpants down to wash and so he has been rewearing them…

Am I wrong to feel I am being blamed for asking him to tidy his room when I think it is a basic respect thing? Am I wrong to be so hurt by his behaviour toward me and my house?

sorry for the essay… once I started I couldn’t stop 🤣🤣

OP posts:
DomPom47 · 10/12/2023 10:43

This reply has been deleted

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TammyJones · 10/12/2023 09:46

I had 2 dc and 2 ss
They lived with their mum and visited regularly
They both hsve lived with us for 1 - 3 years on separate occasions
If they had behaved in any way like that my dh would removed them immediately

BusyMum47 · 10/12/2023 09:35

Tell everyone in your family & friends network. Tell the school. Tell the Police. NOW. Get them both out of your house & out of your life.

Your DP does not support, respect or even love you if he's allowing this to go on. Him & his DS need help. But not from you.

You need to think of your children's safety & mental health as well as your own.

GabriellaMontez · 10/12/2023 09:29

You say school is aware. Talk to them. Tell them you want him out. They may support you or put you in touch with someone who will.

jeaux90 · 10/12/2023 09:26

There is absolutely no way I'd be putting me or my DC in this situation.

They need to go OP.

cerisepanther73 · 10/12/2023 09:25

it's a shame they don't have Borstals or similar kind of regime anymore, be ideal for likes of him the stepson or being in military cadets ..

cerisepanther73 · 10/12/2023 09:14

@PaterPower

Who gives a shit about any concerns of the potential welfare of these pair of Arseholes in regards of whether they can find suitable accommodation or not,?
who terrorise @Mum2bambinos in her a home a which should be a safe haven sanctuary for her and her family,

They both clearly use her as comforting convenience and as a emotional, psychological human punch bag" to take out their rage and frustrations with life.

"I really hope as it's Christmas time there is indeed no room at the inn for either of them this year too",
whatsoever" and they get a taste of very gritty ice cold sharpe taste of realities of their consequences, of their actions,
with a bump on their heads.!

Arseholes

Makes sure you tell the police about the injuries inflicted on you by the shit head Prick of step son,
how he terrioses you in your house as he is 16 yrs age,
they will treat him like an adult in regards of the law,

He is a really dirty Skanky Arsehole with his bodily fluids left on the bed frame too,
Just wondering could this be a passive aggressive,
"Up yours " Disrespectful attitude in general to you,
as you think 🤔 he would be too embarrassed for you to have an inkling of what he was doing, he would wipe it off with something, even with a sock,

mamabelli · 10/12/2023 09:10

People put up with a lot worse, I know.
it’s all very easy to say leave, call the police etc but when you’re being gaslighted, it’s really not easy.

NigelHarmansNewWife · 10/12/2023 09:03

Let's put this another way OP - and I do hope you're not put off returning to the thread - if this had happened to me in my home, DP would not be blaming me for what happened. He'd be having serious words with the boy about his behaviour and there would be consequences.

MrsMarzetti · 10/12/2023 08:55

@Mum2bambinos Please let us know that you are and your two children are still alive this morning. I am seriously worried i will be reading newspaper headlines about 2 children and their Mother killed in their own home.

Jamjaris · 10/12/2023 08:51

@Mum2bambinos I can understand you are scared and have been convinced everything is all your fault, that man is enabling his son to use you as his punchbag and when you expect support from him he is deflecting the blame on you. He has you convinced he loves you so you’re taking the blame and walking on eggshells waiting for the next attack.
You need to involve the police, if you have no one to help you Chuck them out then you are going to have to be sneaky. Get someone to change your locks whilst both of them are out. Place everything of theirs in bin liners and chuck it out from your upstairs windows. When they come back threatening you to let them in you can call police (you will have already informed them of the abuse by this time) and let them go homeless or find another woman to accommodate them. Don’t let them back in whatever you do!

AllEars112232 · 10/12/2023 07:32

I’m worried for your safety @Mum2bambinos .
iknow you’ve got more important things to do right now but when you have a moment please let us know you’re okay. Take care

itsgoingtobeabumpyride · 10/12/2023 07:12

I'm absolutely shocked and actually worried for you.
The fact that the ds physically assaults you with no consequences is mind blowing.
He's broken your finger, punched you, left bruises and physically stopped you leaving the bedroom whilst trying to smash you over the head with a remote control, absolutely horrifying.
I'd be worried that at some point he's going to put your life at risk, he's going for your head using the remote as a weapon to inflict pain and damage.
What happens if the next time, and there will be a next time, he goes for your throat or picks up something heavier as a weapon?
It takes some big balls for a teenager to assault an adult in their own home.
There's only one thing to do and that's ring the police, tell them everything, tell them about the violence, they refuse to leave your home, that you're actually terrified in your own home, that you have two younger DC.
Ask them to come round and escort them out, don't do it on your own, then change the locks, block everywhere and yes get a doorbell cam, you can get them pretty cheaply, if you're on good terms with your ndn tell them what's going and ask them if they see or heat anything to call the police.
Do it now op, ring the police.
I'm seriously worried for you

2mummies1baby · 10/12/2023 07:11

Your poor children must be terrified of him. You must, must involve the police and get them to leave for the sake of your own children.

mumedu · 10/12/2023 07:05

I have teenagers. This is not normal behaviour at all. The boy needs serious counselling. What did your DP do after you were assaulted? I wouldn't want to live in fear of assault in my own home.

Sadza · 10/12/2023 07:01

Your priority is your children. How do they feel sharing their home with a violent bully?

TheaBrandt · 10/12/2023 06:59

Sadly puts me in mind of that awful case in wales where the “partner” and his teenage son killed a little boy. The mother was jailed too I think. He ended up in a river.

Where is your children’s father? Does he know the reality of the home environment you have created for your children?

ohdamnitjanet · 10/12/2023 06:52

If my own ds broke my fingers he’d be out of my house so fast his feet wouldn’t touch the floor, especially with smaller children in the house at risk from him. I’m finding this post quite hard to believe.

ImWally6 · 10/12/2023 06:46

Is this for real??

Get them out today if possible. Your poor children.

Really not normal behaviour from dad or.ss

Lovelycupofcoffee · 10/12/2023 06:44

I’m not sure why they are both still living in your house. They both need to go now . Is this thread real as I could never let people live with my children in my house like this .

Suusue · 10/12/2023 06:24

Seriously get rid of both of them. Your house. What is this doing to your own children too?. Get rid of them both.

Pugdays · 10/12/2023 06:03

What happened in your life prior to this ..
That you think this kind of abuse is normal
Do u usually let people use you as a doormat
I'm actually thinking this can't be a real thread ,no one would put up with this in their own home .
Clearly those two ,DP and son need to leave asap .
You need to kick the pair of them out

Sceptre86 · 10/12/2023 05:47

Posted on wrong page, ignore.

NigelHarmansNewWife · 10/12/2023 05:38

You're scared and you and your children are vulnerable in this situation. It isn't right and you know it. If you feel you can't call the police is there a station nearby? You could call in and speak to someone and they can help. It doesn't need to be an argument about them leaving where "D"P refuses to go and challenges you to call the police. He may make out it's all your fault and you're unreasonable or he may do a complete about turn and apologise and beg to stay. Or he'll go when asked. You'll need to stand firm.

Clearly whatever happened to this boy's mother will have impacted him, but his behaviour is completely unacceptable and his father is not parenting him and blaming you instead. You can't live like this and nor should your children.

PaterPower · 10/12/2023 05:26

This is not normal behaviour from your ‘D’Ps son and he’s merrily gaslighting you by saying it is.

Your DC must have been frightened by the teenager’s attitude and the physical reactions to everything? And what sort of role model are you providing by tolerating this?

Kick them both out, and the sooner the better. They don’t have any ‘rights’ to stay in YOUR home and where they end up is, frankly, no concern of yours. If they can’t find anything else, the council will have to provide emergency shelter. I’m sure he’s got a parent(s) that would take him in though.

I’d encourage you to bag up their belongings and change the locks. Get a male relative to come over when they collect their stuff and/or contact the police if you feel threatened. You can’t keep living with an abuser and his enabling father.