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AIBU?

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Original poster

Stepson behaviour

409 replies

Mum2bambinos · 09/12/2023 18:22

I think I just need an outside view of my situation…

Lived with DP for 4.5yrs. He is not the dad to my children (DD10 and DS11). DP DS (16) lives with us full time. We all live in the house I bought before we were together.

DP DS behaves horrendously at school and at home. If me or DP pull him up on his behaviour we are shouted at and called names; his behaviour has escalated twice in the last two months whereby he has broken my fingers; punched me and left bruises on my hands and face. He trapped me in his bedroom and attempted to smash me over the head with TV remote whilst blocking my exit.

I now avoid challenging any of DP DS behaviour because if I am honest.. I am scared of him.

he has punched holes in the walls. Smashed his built in wardrobes up; kicked the baby gate of the wall.

Last week I went into his room while he was at school to put his clean washing on his bed. His bedroom shocked me. It was so dirty and untidy. Filthy.
Pizza boxes stacked up in the corner; food all over the floor; dirty washing; stains of goodness knows what (I think I know ✊🏼💦) on his bedding and bed frame. It was horrible.
I cried. I have worked so hard for this house. And I feel like he has vandalised it. the wardrobes are all still broken. holes still in the walls.

I darent ask DP DS to tidy his room because he will kick off. So I asked DP to have a word. DP then got angry with me saying I tidy my DD and DS room when they get messy. And that I don’t have a word with them about the mess. This is completely untrue. I make them do their rooms and I make them help me. But sometimes it gets to a point where it just needs a grown up to intervene. And as DP DSs parent - DP should help him or do it for him.
this argument turned into a huge fight and I was left sobbing.
I was told I don’t treat everyone the same.. this isn’t true I buy them all things.. if I buy a bag of sweets for one everyone gets one.
the only thing that I don’t buy is birthday and Christmas. He doesn’t buy for my DD and DS and I don’t buy for his.
He told me it was typical teenager behaviour and his favourite line in these situations is “you have all this to come). But I don’t think it is. It isn’t normal to punch your parents. Or leave your bodily fluids on your bed frame. Or refuse to bring underpants down to wash and so he has been rewearing them…

Am I wrong to feel I am being blamed for asking him to tidy his room when I think it is a basic respect thing? Am I wrong to be so hurt by his behaviour toward me and my house?

sorry for the essay… once I started I couldn’t stop 🤣🤣

OP posts:
Behindyouiam · 09/12/2023 19:28

Chickychoccyegg · 09/12/2023 19:26

You need to get the police to escort your (ex) dp and his ds out of your house , also press charges , they both sound horrific, I wish you well x

And change all locks immediately

ttcat37 · 09/12/2023 19:28

You are being unreasonable for not calling the police to get them both removed following the multiple assaults on you. Your children need you to protect them from him and from being exposed to seeing violence at home. How do you explain the bruises to your children? This will fuck up your children if you don’t get rid of your ‘D’P and his horrible son.

Chickychoccyegg · 09/12/2023 19:26

You need to get the police to escort your (ex) dp and his ds out of your house , also press charges , they both sound horrific, I wish you well x

MaidOfSteel · 09/12/2023 19:26

You need to get rid of your partner and his son, OP. The son has physically attacked you and your partner has given him his blessing to carry on with more of the same behaviour. Your partner has no respect for you; he doesn't even seem to care about you.

You aren't safe in your own home. And your own children should not be exposed to this kind of abnormal behaviour.

I hope your next post is to tell us you've sent them both packing.

Edit as crossposted. Please please reiterate they are to leave as soon as they pack an overnight bag. If there us any aggression or violence, you must call the police. You are not safe.

Thepossibility · 09/12/2023 19:25

I just want to add my kick them both out to everyone else's.
Outrageous that you are being treated like this in your own home!
Call the police!

Mama22b · 09/12/2023 19:25

Op I'm so sorry you're going through this. You have been experiencing domestic violence - doesn't have to be the partner committing it to make it so.

In regards to your children witnessing this - you don't want them to believe that this is normal teenage behaviour and for them to copy it or to end up becoming victims of it themselves. Also the mental and emotional impact of witnessing this happen to their mum. It is not acceptable for him to do this to you. If he attacks you - ring the police and file a report.

What does your DP say about the violence towards you? If he thinks this is normal teenage behaviour this is very worrying and in that case your DP and stepson both have a lack of respect for you - I'm so sorry to say but if your partner can not understand this isn't acceptable then I think you need to end the relationship.
I think you need to put the boundaries in place - DP must get stepson support for his anger issues if they are to stay, referral to cahms etc. Maybe get some advice from women's aid if necessary?
Put you and your children first, it is so unfair you have been treated like this in your own home and left to feel unsafe.

LaurieStrode · 09/12/2023 19:25

Call the police ASAP.

Jesus Christ. How can you do this to your children???

discopoodle · 09/12/2023 19:24

Get them out op, call the police if that's what it will take. Pack their bags and leave them at the door while they are at work/school and change the locks.
Your two children deserve to grow up in a safe environment and this isn't it. If you don't get rid it will begin to affect them if it hasn't already. Put your babies first.

PBandJ111 · 09/12/2023 19:24

Pleas make them both leave. This is not normal teenage behaviour.

Brefugee · 09/12/2023 19:24

Tell them both to leave. And call the police.

Tacotortoise · 09/12/2023 19:24

Call the police and tell them you want your arsehole boyfriend and his abusive son out now. Please. Free yourself.

annoyed788 · 09/12/2023 19:22

OP you're being abused in your own home, physically and mentally and I'm so sorry.

Please get yourself and your children away from both of them, call police and tell them you need them to come and remove them because you are frightened after being assaulted.

Sending hugs x

StSwithinsDay · 09/12/2023 19:21

So how are your own children coping with this situation? What will you do if he breaks their fingers?

Original poster
Mum2bambinos · 09/12/2023 19:19

For my dog. There is no baby.

OP posts:
Notimeforidiots69 · 09/12/2023 19:19

Trauma response via typing?! That's a new one on me!

MissAmbrosia · 09/12/2023 19:19

They need to go ASAP. And call the police if either one threatens you.

StSwithinsDay · 09/12/2023 19:19

kicked the baby gate of the wall.

You didn't mention a baby. Why do you have a baby gate?

GrumpyPanda · 09/12/2023 19:19

YABVVU not to have called police the minute this vile person first assaulted you. Report it now and ask for help evicting both son and father.

MissAmbrosia · 09/12/2023 19:18

He broke your fingers and punched you? That should have been the day they both left. Get fucking rid!

Original poster
Mum2bambinos · 09/12/2023 19:18

I probably should have said - and I didn’t want to add too much because it was so long to start with - I have asked them to leave. Which doesn’t go down well. In the argument he said if you want me to leave you’ll have to ring the police. Which he knows I probably wouldn’t do.
when DO DS hit me I was told by DP that “he wouldn’t have hit you if you hadn’t gone in his room”
I was angry and shouted that it was my house and I would go where I wanted. He’s now asked me not to call it my house because that makes him feel like a lodger. But to me it is a fact.

im just a bit bewildered by it all. I am trying my best.

OP posts:
Grimchmas · 09/12/2023 19:17

Fucking hell the apple really didn't fall far from the tree.

This is a no-brainer - his son's behaviour is not normal, your children shouldn't have to live with a violent young man and you shouldn't tolerate it either. And the thing is, you don't have to. It is as simple as this.

Absolutely kick the pair of them out pronto. And consider how to do it safely because it sounds like a situation that has potential to get violent and escalate, again. You are a domestic abuse victim in your own home.

Notimeforidiots69 · 09/12/2023 19:17

I have to agree with everyone here, throw them both out, no ifs no buts, no compromising... They go! Your own children should be your priority in YOURS and THEIR home!!! Your DP actually isn't!!! He is always going to put his son and his atrocious behaviour before you... Always...
I also don't know why you're focussing on his revolting room and not the fact he's assaulted you?!!! Nor do I understand the laughing emojis? Because if you don't throw them out now, I doubt you'll have anything to laugh at in the future!!!

SiliconHeaven · 09/12/2023 19:15

Broken fingers? Please get them both out now OP 💐
you will be happier and safer

Flamingogirl08 · 09/12/2023 19:15

I'm normally the soft step parent championing blended families on this forum but honestly? Kick them both out and enjoy your life with your kids.

SuspiciousSue · 09/12/2023 19:12

Chuck that man and his thug of a son out of your house. Do it today and change the locks.

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