Active discussions

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Stepson behaviour

409 replies

Mum2bambinos · 09/12/2023 18:22

I think I just need an outside view of my situation…

Lived with DP for 4.5yrs. He is not the dad to my children (DD10 and DS11). DP DS (16) lives with us full time. We all live in the house I bought before we were together.

DP DS behaves horrendously at school and at home. If me or DP pull him up on his behaviour we are shouted at and called names; his behaviour has escalated twice in the last two months whereby he has broken my fingers; punched me and left bruises on my hands and face. He trapped me in his bedroom and attempted to smash me over the head with TV remote whilst blocking my exit.

I now avoid challenging any of DP DS behaviour because if I am honest.. I am scared of him.

he has punched holes in the walls. Smashed his built in wardrobes up; kicked the baby gate of the wall.

Last week I went into his room while he was at school to put his clean washing on his bed. His bedroom shocked me. It was so dirty and untidy. Filthy.
Pizza boxes stacked up in the corner; food all over the floor; dirty washing; stains of goodness knows what (I think I know ✊🏼💦) on his bedding and bed frame. It was horrible.
I cried. I have worked so hard for this house. And I feel like he has vandalised it. the wardrobes are all still broken. holes still in the walls.

I darent ask DP DS to tidy his room because he will kick off. So I asked DP to have a word. DP then got angry with me saying I tidy my DD and DS room when they get messy. And that I don’t have a word with them about the mess. This is completely untrue. I make them do their rooms and I make them help me. But sometimes it gets to a point where it just needs a grown up to intervene. And as DP DSs parent - DP should help him or do it for him.
this argument turned into a huge fight and I was left sobbing.
I was told I don’t treat everyone the same.. this isn’t true I buy them all things.. if I buy a bag of sweets for one everyone gets one.
the only thing that I don’t buy is birthday and Christmas. He doesn’t buy for my DD and DS and I don’t buy for his.
He told me it was typical teenager behaviour and his favourite line in these situations is “you have all this to come). But I don’t think it is. It isn’t normal to punch your parents. Or leave your bodily fluids on your bed frame. Or refuse to bring underpants down to wash and so he has been rewearing them…

Am I wrong to feel I am being blamed for asking him to tidy his room when I think it is a basic respect thing? Am I wrong to be so hurt by his behaviour toward me and my house?

sorry for the essay… once I started I couldn’t stop 🤣🤣

OP posts:
SoSad44 · 09/12/2023 20:03

Kick them both out immediately before he hurts your DC. This is not normal teenage behaviour.

JaneyGee · 09/12/2023 20:02

The violence is definitely not normal. It is 100% NOT normal for a teenage boy to punch a woman in the face. In fact, he should have been charged with assault.

Delphinium20 · 09/12/2023 20:01

I'm going to be very blunt. You are teaching your DD she can and should put up with domestic abuse from a man.

While 16 isn't fully an adult for some good legal reasons, he has a man's body and it has been used to terrorize you and your children and physically harm you.

HE BROKE YOUR BONES.

This isn't normal teen boy behavior. A toddler may lack that kind of control but they aren't strong enough to hurt you.

He needs to go.

redastherose · 09/12/2023 20:01

You really need to tell your partner (he's not a DP) and his revolting violent son to leave your home and if he refuses you need to tell your P that you are going to report the assault to the police if they won't leave without a fuss. Then do it if they won't leave. You cannot have your children growing up with this sort of behaviour going on in the home, it is not fair to them.

ganglion · 09/12/2023 20:00

You need to be a parent. Get rid of the partner and stepson. This is no environment to bring your children up in.

If this is the calibre of partner you've allowed to move in, I'd suggest remaining single until your children move out.

SomeCatFromJapan · 09/12/2023 19:59

If you need to phone the police, do so. Please get this horrible toxic pair out of the home of your poor children.

Santaiswashinghissleigh · 09/12/2023 19:58

Are you a mug op? I have asked my own ds to move out for less.... Ring the police op. Or truly you are stupid....

Naptrappedmummy · 09/12/2023 19:57

Op if you can’t leave for yourself then leave for your kids. They’re witnessing their mum being beaten up and spoken to like shit on a regular basis. They must be so scared and unhappy. Please walk into your local police station and explain you want 2 violent men to leave your house and that you need help as one regularly assaults you to the point of breaking bones. Please please please please don’t let this carry on for 1 more day.

Tinkerbyebye · 09/12/2023 19:55

you need to put you and your kids first. It’s not fair on them

  1. you report the stepson to the police, he assaulted youand he is no longer welcome at your house
  2. you tell your partner it over and he and his son need to go now

Then block on everything, take time to recover and rebuild with your kids

GoodnightJude1 · 09/12/2023 19:55

You need to tell them to leave.
I can’t believe he’s allowed this to happen. All hell would break loose in this house if my DSS laid a finger on me.

They need to leave. He may hurt your children next time.

Mangotango39 · 09/12/2023 19:55

Omg I thought the son sounded horrid then kept reading about your 'd'p.

you and your children are in serious danger here!!!

please call the police and get them out ASAP!!!! This has already gone way too far!

Silvers11 · 09/12/2023 19:54

Which doesn’t go down well. In the argument he said if you want me to leave you’ll have to ring the police. Which he knows I probably wouldn’t do.
@Mum2bambinos You absolutely DO need to call the police. The son assaulted you and he is being supported by his Dad. Please don't think you can't. You absolutely can and you must - for your own children, if you won't do it for yourself. This is truly awful behaviour from both your partner and his son

greencheetah · 09/12/2023 19:54

Call the police!

Or are you just going to wait until one of your DC is seriously injured?

Those poor kids. You invited these bastards into your home and you have to get them out.

Beaverbridge · 09/12/2023 19:54

Yes as everyone has said, get shot of them. Violence will escalate. What if he lifts a knife??. Seriously phone police have them removed.

Keeva2017 · 09/12/2023 19:52

All it would take is for one of the children to get caught in the cross fire or he hits them over the head with something in anger and it could be life altering if not life ending.

Op for gods sake look after your children and dial 999. I don’t want to victim blame but how how can you not see this for what it is? Protect your children!

RudsyFarmer · 09/12/2023 19:51

Why in gods name are you letting a teenager beat you up in your own home and doing nothing about it?!!!! Tell them to get the FUCK out of your house.

Benicebenicebenice · 09/12/2023 19:50

Call the police and get them both out. Shocking situation!

HollowEgg · 09/12/2023 19:50

Bless you, this is awful, but for the sake of your children they need to go. I would speak to the police and ask them for help.

But also, why is the poor boy like this?

Strictlymad · 09/12/2023 19:49

This is completely unacceptable- yes teenage boys aren’t know for being the tidiest beings but the vandalism of possessions and violence is absolutely not normal or acceptable on any level. And the fact that ‘D’ P took his side about going in the room says it all.

Notlikelysaidthedragontothefly · 09/12/2023 19:49

Mum2bambinos · 09/12/2023 19:18

I probably should have said - and I didn’t want to add too much because it was so long to start with - I have asked them to leave. Which doesn’t go down well. In the argument he said if you want me to leave you’ll have to ring the police. Which he knows I probably wouldn’t do.
when DO DS hit me I was told by DP that “he wouldn’t have hit you if you hadn’t gone in his room”
I was angry and shouted that it was my house and I would go where I wanted. He’s now asked me not to call it my house because that makes him feel like a lodger. But to me it is a fact.

im just a bit bewildered by it all. I am trying my best.

Why would you not ring the police? ‘…probably wouldn’t do’. Why on earth not?!

SemperIdem · 09/12/2023 19:49

Just to echo everyone else - they need to go, immediately. Contact the police and report the assault as well.

Lifesd · 09/12/2023 19:48

My god! Change the bloody locks while they are both out!! Protect yourself and your children.

oakleaffy · 09/12/2023 19:48

No way should that violent loutish behaviour be around your children.
Get shot of them both . Father and son are absolutely riding roughshod over you and your children.

Junemoon222 · 09/12/2023 19:48

This reply has been deleted

We're afraid we don't believe that the OP is genuine so we've removed their threads and posts.

MeridianB · 09/12/2023 19:45

They are cuckoos - they’ve invaded your children’s home and taken it over, one violent and one enabler, daring you to call the police. Please call the police.

Swipe left for the next trending thread