Stepson behaviour

Ok, now, listen up and listen good. The problem is NOT you. Anyone who is saying that it is is NOT your friend and doesn't have your best interests at heart. Look at this thread my dear (because I'm probably old enough to be your mum I'll take the liberty of calling you that), posters here are showing more concern for your welfare than those people who are actually a part of your life, and we have no real 'stake' in your life, other than our common humanity.

So, just who are these 'others'? Him? His family? His friends? In other words, people who don't want him and his son landing on their doorsteps needing a place to stay. Naturally, they'll want you to think it's 'all you' so you'll keep him away from their doors! And if they're your family and friends you need to take a good look why they're saying this Have you been completely honest with them or have you hidden the truth from them? Are they themselves in unhealthy/abusive relationships? A how sure are you that they have your best interests at heart?

Finally, can you put your finger on what you're 'scared' of? Are you scared of him/his son hurting you physically? Saying nasty things to you? Damaging your home? Sweetheart, these things are already happening. Are you scared of being alone? Remember, you can be more alone with the wrong person than you'll ever be by yourself.

Listen to your 'deep down gut'. I know it's telling you to get rid.

Oh god, this is so sad. I’m so sorry.

The first thing that stood out to me, was your emphasis on being unhappy with the way he treats his bedroom - it’s like the things he’s done to you are an afterthought, and of less significance/importance in your mind.

Please think of the message that allowing this to continue is setting for your precious babies: To your son, that it’s ok to treat women like this; and to your daughter - that it’s ok to tolerate it.

Your home should be your (and their) sanctuary, a place where you all feel safe and relaxed, not living on tenterhooks waiting for this asshole to kick off, destroy your property, break your bones???

Your “partner” should be your biggest supporter and protector, not someone who enables and excuses the very thing that is quite literally hurting you in every way possible. The fact he is condoning his son’s behaviour and even going as far as to blame YOU for it happening is fucking disgusting.
There’s no respect there for you, your kids, your home…?

He’s showing you repeatedly who he is - please believe him.

If you don’t feel you can tell them to leave, please for the love of god call their bluff next time it kicks off (because there will be a next time) and call the police. They need a swift and sharp reminder that there are consequences to their actions.

What happens when your DD says something your partner or his son doesn’t like? They will turn on her, just like they do you. What will you tell hospital when the son breaks her fingers? What will you tell her?

What happens when your DS overhears them abusing you and tries to step in and protect you? What will you tell hospital caused the bruises on him or the broken bones? What will you tell him?

Take your children to a relative or friend. Go to the police station and tell them everything and get their assistance to remove partner and his spawn from your home. If you can still file a complaint for the assaults, do so. The only hope this 16 year old has at this point is legal intervention. The only hope your children have is the police removing these abusers from your home or authorities removing the children from your custody.

You’re being domestically abused in your own home and your partner is victim blaming you so he doesn’t have to step up and do any real parenting. Do not let either of them try and make you believe any differently. You must protect your own children. It will be them being physically handed next and they are already being harmed emotionally by being exposed to this behaviour. Please seek help.

That definitely isn’t typical teenage behaviour and he needs professional help. He needs to be seen by the GP and referred to a mental health professional. I don’t know if social services could be of assistance. However, if his father doesn’t recognise that he needs it I doubt this boy is going to get the help he needs and his antisocial and violent behaviour may continue into adulthood.

If this ever gets reported to social services, they would be all over the fact that you were not protecting your children against a domestic abuser in the home. This is not victim blaming, and would boil down to how you responded to the acts of violence and abuse in terms of its impact on your own children, The teenager is not your responsibility legally, and he has been taught by his father that his way of dealing with anger and defiance is ok. Your children are at risk and being raised in a household marred by lack of respect and abuse. He may have ADHD, but that is for his father to deal with. You should not tolerate anyone coming into your home, and creating violence and damage. You are doing the teenager no favours because he is just learning he can get away with it. For him, actions don't have consequences. But he will get older and meet someone bigger and stronger than him and that will end badly. So the time of intervention is now. Any 'partner' who is not willing to back you up and allows his son to abuse you is not worth having in your life. Make them leave, prioritise your own children, change the locks, get house security and reclaim your right to a safe space at home. Ring women's aid and get the police around to evict them if you need to.

He's told you what to do if you want him out, call the police. So do it. And tell them who broke your fingers while you're at it too.

I have a 16 year old whose room is a mess but this goes above everything.

Honestly, I would have kicked them out the day he assaulted you.

Hi OP

I understand why you are scared.

Different situation for me as the person who was being violent was my then DH, now Ex.

I told three people about it.

One told me to throw my daughter out of the house as she was at the root of the arguments and that I should stay with my husband.

One asked me if it had happened before and then said I was a useless person because I hadn't dealt with it the first time it happened.

The other person heard me in silence and then left the room and avoided speaking to me for months.

In real life people are often not supportive and are not helpful.

The police when I did end up calling them (because he hurt my DD really badly and then scared me so badly I thought he was going to kill me) were not like that.

They were nice. They were helpful. They could see I didn't want to be in the same room as him and we were separated and each told our story to one of them.

They have a standard protocol for dealing with these situations.

Don't be scared of calling the police.

But if you can't, please call women's aid.

It is almost unbelievable that someone would allow their children to live with this.

Even if you can't end this relationships for your own sake, you can surely do it for your children (who will not be allowed to carry on living with you if you carry on exposing them to this).

The police need to remove both men asap.

Op, you know what you need to do. So do it. You can’t continue to make your kids live like this, even if you are willing to do so. Phone the police if they won’t go. Change the locks. And breathe easy, for the first time in ages..

To be honest I think pizza boxes and bodily fluids are the least of your problems. You are experiencing domestic violence from a 16 year old in your own home with a partner who is colluding with him. I think you need to think about your own children...their fingers might be next. I think partner and son need to find alternative living arrangements. I am sorry this is happening to you.

Your partner allows his teenage son to attack and injure you in your own home. He then blames his son's behaviour on you.

This is textbook abuse - both emotional and physical.

You know this isn't right and that it can't continue. I can understand how scared you are of what might happen if you try to do anything to change the situation, though.

As others have said, you need to go to your local police station, report the abuse, and ask for their help in removing your partner and his son from your home.

You are not to blame here. You have done nothing wrong. You have trusted a man who has turned out to be an abuser and the blame lies solely with him.

You need support to help you take the next step, so go to the police as soon as you can safely do so. You can also ring the 24 hour women's refuge helpline on 0808 2000 247- all their advisors are trained and can talk you through your options.

I had trouble with my middle older teen DSS. My DP took lead and did all the parenting. DP had my back as I said I was done with living with abusers as I'd done enough of it with my ex. DSS moved out because DP wouldn't let him get away with anything. You need a partner who is going to put you first. The lack of respect towards you here is not just DSS but your DP as well. There is no way that you should be tolerating this. You could get very seriously injured. I'm sorry to say you are in real danger lovely.

This is a very real safeguarding risk for your children as well as you.
You need to contact the police on their non emergency number tonight.

You’re not married - Fantastic!!!!

Get rid of them, call the police if necessary. Get friend and family and women’s aid support. Every ounce of support possible.

They are both abusive of you and you need to get them away from you and your children.

Thank god you didn’t marry. Move them both out!!!

It might be typical teenage behaviour for them to be untidy, lazy and moody but that level of filth in his room, as well as his violence towards you, is not normal. It’s assault as you quite rightly identify and you must report it to the police. If your partner doesn’t like it, he and his son can both pack their bags.

He has actually told you he won't leave unless the police make him ?

Well...

You have been told by him exactly what to do.

and then change all the locks !

Op. I don't know you. But I know one thing for sure that I don't need to know anything about you for. You were physically assaulted, nothing you could have said/done caused that.

What if he hits your children next or breaks their fingers? Seriously, please speak to someone. I know it’s hard to get your head round what to do, and it’s scary, but there are people who can help you: the police, Women’s Aid.

You need to get both these males out of your house and out of your life. Not only are you and your children at risk of further physical and emotional abuse, the longer you stay the more you’ll become a shell of your former self. You’ll feel so much better once you get them out. You and your children can have a happy, safe home. You won’t believe how different you’ll feel.

Please, please speak to someone who can help you xx

To echo everyone else, you MUST get these two out of your house immediately. Do you have a male relative or friend, or any friends for that matter, who will be with you for support when you call the police?

Send your DC and dog to stay with a trusted friend or relative
Call the police
Call a locksmith and get them on stand-by to urgently change the locks
Buy a Ring doorbell

If one of your DC disclose at school that they are scared about their home situation then you will have to potentially answer some serious questions to SS and police so find your inner strength and act now.

Please my darling, throw them both out. You and your children deserve so, so much better x

Your partner sounds pathetic & DSS sounds like a grub.

I'd chuck both out - is definitely not normal behaviour. Is this really what you want your own kids being subjected to

Divorce your husband and get the two of them the fuck out of your house.

He is a monster.

You where assaulted multiple times and your DP doesn’t appear to care or do anything to discipline his child.
You have two cocklodgers here OP. Time to get rid, you are not married so he has no claim to your house