Active discussions

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

These bad parenting choices

64 replies

Merryandbright1170 · 08/12/2023 06:37

I've known this couple for a few years and our children go to the same school. I totally understand people parent differently but some of their choices have had me shocked.

The other week a few of us went over to theirs and the mum hosted us ladies for a get together and some drinks. They have a large summer house quite far from their main house and it is slightly cut off by hedges etc. Anyway all was fine. The dad then joins us as I assume he's put the children to bed. He begins drinking. So both parents are in the summer house drinking and can't hear or see really the main house. One of their children had been extremely poorly that week, whereby they had to have strong medication. This was 3 days previous. So I was pretty shocked to see the dad join us.

During this night also I found out that they have large parties with various random people attending whilst their children are in the house. They said that they dabble in drugs and so do others. She was telling a story that one time her DC came down as they were hungry and she was off her face so had to get her husband to sort it out and send their child back to bed. I mean wtf! Their children are lower primary age.

Aibu to be very concerned about this......

OP posts:
New posts on this thread. Refresh page
CarrotCake01 · 29/12/2023 17:02

Well it's certainly not the sort of parenting style I'd like to adopt 😂 I'd rather be a decent mother than have drugs in my system and fun parties in the summer house.
So I'd be concerned too, but I don't really think there's a lot you can do about it 🤷🏼‍♀️ maybe keep an eye out for their children in the future, knowing what you know now?

Lefthandwoman · 29/12/2023 16:58

I think I'd message - tbh I've declined your invitation because I'm uncomfortable with the idea that the kids might wake up and everyone will be off their tits - would be glad to know if I've misjudged the situation...

Crishell · 29/12/2023 16:53

As long as they go and check on their children every now and then I don't think the first one is a big deal.

The second one yes, I'd be concerned.

Lefthandwoman · 29/12/2023 16:50

It's difficult for you @Merryandbright1170 😕

It's all down to whether you think there will be someone there compus mentus enough to look after the children. Declining the invite hasn't given you the peace you hoped it might?

I wonder if you'll feel better if you give them the reason you've declined and be fully prepared to lose the friendship completely? Tbh they're shits for putting you in this situation.

You have to somehow find peace with whatever you decide to do in terms of reporting or not.

Original poster
Merryandbright1170 · 29/12/2023 10:34

TheaBrandt · 29/12/2023 09:57

You do sound abit….curtain twitchy. Are you annoyed you are not invited and jealous?! I’m getting hyacinth bouquet vibes.

I was invited but declined. What so I sound curtain twitchy for being concerned about 2 young children......erm ok

OP posts:
TheaBrandt · 29/12/2023 09:57

You do sound abit….curtain twitchy. Are you annoyed you are not invited and jealous?! I’m getting hyacinth bouquet vibes.

Original poster
Merryandbright1170 · 29/12/2023 08:42

I've just found out their party is going ahead in the next few days and that the young children will be in the house. I feel so uncomfortable about it and feel really sorry for the children

OP posts:
Lefthandwoman · 13/12/2023 00:33

Are you any closer to working out how you'll handle it op? It's really easy for us here to say what we'd do, but I know I would be tying myself in knots about it, if it were me.

Original poster
Merryandbright1170 · 09/12/2023 19:13

AlizeeEasy · 09/12/2023 17:27

A friend of mine growing up had similar parents. Constant parties, drugs, alcohol etc. she was raped by one of her parents friends during one of the parties, she was 10 years old.

parents have to right to drink and party, but not at the expense of their children. Get a babysitter and go out ffs.

That's absolutely awful but with alcohol, drugs and kids left in a house alone it could just be a recipe for it. It's honestly so sad and I don't understand why they don't put their kids first

OP posts:
Boomboom22 · 09/12/2023 17:28

Come now, they are not druggie creeps they are mc primary teachers. The hard drug is likely cocaine and mdna. Quite unwise to be so open though, they will likely be reported if they let people they don't know in.

AlizeeEasy · 09/12/2023 17:27

A friend of mine growing up had similar parents. Constant parties, drugs, alcohol etc. she was raped by one of her parents friends during one of the parties, she was 10 years old.

parents have to right to drink and party, but not at the expense of their children. Get a babysitter and go out ffs.

Newsenmum · 09/12/2023 17:24

Ace56 · 09/12/2023 08:16

It’s different because in this case they are still on their own property. There aren’t random members of the public wandering around.

It’s irresponsible yes, but SS are not going to give 2 shits as a couple are allowed to move about their property as they wish. The drugs can’t be proven and even then unfortunately won’t be taken seriously in an upper middle class family.

Show quote history

But there are and it’d be even easier for one of the druggie creeps to go up to the house where the kids are because it’s out of sight.

Newsenmum · 09/12/2023 17:22

Merryandbright1170 · 08/12/2023 20:21

Both parents definitely were not sober. When I say randoms they have friends come over and then their friends bring people they don't know.
It isn't just weed from what I've heard but much harder stuff. There's a whole.group of them apparently that do it and alot of them are primary teachers!

That’s absolutely awful. If it was a council house (and not at the bottom of the garden so the kids could actually find their parents) then it would be a ghetto and SS would be all over it.

I don’t get how they weren’t racked with guilt.

GirlsAloudReturnMadeMyYEAR · 09/12/2023 12:26

Just to add to this OP, report it no natter what people are saying will and won't happen. Reason being is no matter what, if anything ever happens to those poor kids at the hands of their neglectful parents you will have given a puzzle piece as intelligence of what is going on in that house. The fact some of them are teachers is alarming also. All of this is information that should be and rarely is shared. Imagine one of the children has a terrible accident whilst not being watched, you're their voice.

Lefthandwoman · 09/12/2023 10:21

I knew someone who did similar once and they felt bloody awful afterwards, were completely upfront and never did it again. That's the difference. Sounds awful if it's a bunch of primary school teachers! Horrible position to put you in too. Tbh I'd like to think I would have a word - say it makes you feel really uncomfortable that one of them doesn't at least stay sober and you don't want to be a part of it. Or drop an anonymous note through the door. Could be from anyone of the straggler guests for all they know - might be enough to make them think again.

Original poster
Merryandbright1170 · 09/12/2023 09:24

PurpleElf · 09/12/2023 08:16

Report it anyway and report to the school, as several people have already suggested. There’s not much more you can do and it’s highly unlikely to result in much action. But if either agency has any other cause for concern now or in the future, this will form part of the bigger picture. Unfortunately shit, feckless, selfish parenting is not a crime, especially if the parents are a bit middle class.Those poor kids.

Show quote history

Ironic thing is she was speaking about her youngest struggling emotionally at school and I'm thinking we'll how much is that due to home life too.....just lost all respect for the parents tbh. I thought they were good people to hang out with.

OP posts:
PurpleElf · 09/12/2023 08:16

Merryandbright1170 · 09/12/2023 07:17

So what should I do if its not a threshold for SS?

Report it anyway and report to the school, as several people have already suggested. There’s not much more you can do and it’s highly unlikely to result in much action. But if either agency has any other cause for concern now or in the future, this will form part of the bigger picture. Unfortunately shit, feckless, selfish parenting is not a crime, especially if the parents are a bit middle class.Those poor kids.

Ace56 · 09/12/2023 08:16

Ohthatsfabulousdarling · 08/12/2023 09:45

How different is this to the madeleine Mcann case?
Children in bed asleep, parents within seeing distance of the property the children are in, whilst they enjoyed each others company, a few drinks and their evening meal.

They thought they were safe, but they were not and one of the children was taken.

How many people have cried out, where are social services? Why haven't they intervened since? They STILL have children!

It’s different because in this case they are still on their own property. There aren’t random members of the public wandering around.

It’s irresponsible yes, but SS are not going to give 2 shits as a couple are allowed to move about their property as they wish. The drugs can’t be proven and even then unfortunately won’t be taken seriously in an upper middle class family.

Original poster
Merryandbright1170 · 09/12/2023 07:17

So what should I do if its not a threshold for SS?

OP posts:
GirlsAloudReturnMadeMyYEAR · 08/12/2023 22:56

God the drugs bit is horrific yasnbu

everybluesock · 08/12/2023 22:05

'Harder stuff' could mean anything.

Original poster
Merryandbright1170 · 08/12/2023 21:46

Bireadwhatiread · 08/12/2023 21:40

Mm and Drew Barrymore immediately sprang into my mind

Sorry, I don't know what happened to these two?

OP posts:
Original poster
Merryandbright1170 · 08/12/2023 21:46

CandyLeBonBon · 08/12/2023 21:32

It isn't just weed from what I've heard

interesting op. So second or third hand knowledge then op?

What I've heard from the mum.....
Not second or third hand

OP posts:
Bireadwhatiread · 08/12/2023 21:40

Mm and Drew Barrymore immediately sprang into my mind

CandyLeBonBon · 08/12/2023 21:32

It isn't just weed from what I've heard

interesting op. So second or third hand knowledge then op?

Swipe left for the next trending thread